Don't Take Anything For Granted

 Dont' take a damn thing for granted. Not one bloody thing! It can all change in a heartbeat. Trust me, I know.

Even though everyone in the family knew that my dad would pass away from the tumor in his head, it was still a shock when it actually happened. I was not prepared for it in any way, shape, or form. There have been times over the last thirty six years that I have missed him so much; he was the best dad a person could have asked for.

The same with my mother. We all knew it would happen sooner or later. It was a complete shock to me when I went to see her and she was so frail, weak, and her mind wasn't working correctly. I had just been to see her the weekend before and she was fine, for a ninety six year old woman. The last time I saw her alive was heart wrenching. She wouldn't talk, she was given meds every hour to keep the pain away, she had wasted away to a mere ghost of her former self. I was in Saint Charles, Illinois when my brother called to let me know that she had passed away. It was the longest eight hour drive I had ever made.

My little sister, three years younger than me, passed away, unexpectedly, at the ripe old age of forty five. That, my friends, was a kick in the gonads. She wasn't just my little sister, she was my best friend.

I could keep going on about lost lives of family and friends over the years but what would that do? Not a thing. Everyone loses people in their lives everyday. Death is part of life. I put these here only because of the differences in the way they left this world and how things can change without notice.

For the last thirty five years I've driven a semi truck. Not the entire time, I did take some time away from the road to spend time with my kids and take a break. For the most part, this is all I know. This is what I'm good at. I am not educated in any other field. Now, at the age of sixty two I will have to find some other way to support myself.

For almost seven years I've driven for Hirschbach Motor Lines as a lease operator. For most of those years I've achieved the status of Best of the Best. Remember, things can change instantly. Things changed the first of May.

I was cruising along Highway 24 east of Peoria, Illinois; had the cruise control set at around 58 and the radio was on SiriusXM Radio Classics (this station plays the old radio shows like Fibber McGee & Molly, Yours Truly Johnny Dollar, Nero Wolfe, etc.). I wasn't paying attention, I guess, because I looked up at the light I was right at and, guess what, it was RED. I entered the intersection and collided with a van, laid my truck over, and lost a load.

Thankfully, no one was seriously injured. Especially since I was grossing out about 78,000 pounds. The driver of the van could just as easily been killed as walked away from it.

After almost sever years with the best company I've worked for, I lost my job. That's right. In an instant of idiocy (mine), my safe, secure, well paying employment ended. Things can change in a heartbeat. Don't ever take anything for granted.

Needless to say, I did pass the drug/alcohol test, even though I didn't study for it. What I didn't pass was the DOT physical that was due. I got home and took the DOT in Osceola and found out that I am now a diabetic. Over the last week my blood sugar has been all over the place from 135 to 379. Until I get that under control, I can't drive no matter what. Things change in an instant.

Not all has been bad. There is always a silver lining so to speak.

My daughter sent me a message telling me that I needed to do a 23&me DNA test. I refuse to give my DNA to the government willingly so I asked her why. The answer came as quite a shock to say the least.

I have two beautiful children from my last relationship. A daughter, born in '95. and a son, born in '98. When they were little, their mother and I were struggling, badly. Little income, no prospects and, another one on the way. It was too much. Their mother convinced me that the best course of action was to adopt this baby to a good home. She had even gotten hold of an attorney before she talked to me about it.

Let it be said and understood: I love kids. I've taken in more and claimed more than my fair share. I really didn't want to do this. It took a lot of convincing to make me do it. After all, where there's a will, there's a way. KP talked about where we were financially and that the adoptive parents would actually help us out with money. That almost turned the deal off. What was she talking about? Selling our baby to the highest bidder? No, it was all legal and an attorney was doing the legal work.

Since that time, KP and I have parted ways. She walked out of our lives when my daughter and son were seven and five. We didn't hear from her for over a year. I have the utmost respect for anyone, male or female, that raises kids on their own. It was more than a struggle for me. It was hard to find a job that I could do and still be home for them. My son had emotional and mental problems that took years of therapy and tons of meds to take care of. It wasn't until my children were in their late teens that I finally got to a point where I didn't have to worry too much.

So, was adopting this last child out to financially sound parents right? After what my other two went through, I say yes. He was much better off growing up. At least I hoped he was.

Back to my daughter's message. She had found her brother and said that I should get hold of him, which I did. It was awkward but exciting. Here was a son that I thought I would never see again. We talked and talked. He's not ready to come into the fold just yet. It's a lot to process. He knows that he is welcome and wanted. When he's ready, he'll come.

Once again, things can change in a heartbeat. Don't take ANYTHING for granted or as cast in stone.

Is It Really Worth It?

     Is it really worth it? I mean, really? In today’s society where being offended is more important than keeping safe, where madness and chaos rule and sanity and calm are persecuted, where caring about another is looked down upon and hedonism is cherished, is it really, really worth it? Is love just something to be taken advantage of because it shows weakness?

     Ok, we have the liberals that are doing everything they can to destroy the Constitution, except the parts that they want for themselves (conservatives aren’t allowed any rights). They want to do away with freedom of religion (at least the right to practice Christianity), free speech (as long as it comes from conservatives), the right to keep and bear arms (except for law enforcement and their army of security people), protection from illegal search and seizure (except when it comes to their illegal activity which is totally within their rights to do, such as Hillary’s email server). Do you see where this is going?

     The problem is this; the conservatives aren’t doing a damn thing about what the liberals are doing. The Republicans in Congress sit back and cower, kowtowing to the liberal rants and giving them ground instead of standing up and fighting for our rights. Thank the gods of Asgard that Patton, McArthur, Washington, etc., all the great generals in each war we’ve been in since the American Revolution, wasn’t so fucking weak. We would have lost to the British, twice; we would have lost to the Mexicans, the Germans, the Viet Cong (oh, sorry, we DID lose to the Viet Cong). We are losing to the liberal left.

     We are sitting here, spending millions upon millions of taxpayer dollars on bogus investigations against Trump when the Clinton’s and Obama were given passes on all their crimes that COULD be proven. It is only allegations, rumor, mainstream media bias and a lot of ‘anonymous sources’ that are against Trump and Company. Yet, the Republicans are doing just what the liberals want – going along with their game against America.

     Is it really worth it? When actual crimes can be overlooked because they are committed by the liberals and rumored crimes are investigated beyond belief against a conservative it is beyond stupid. It is anti-American politics. It isn’t worth it anymore.

Facebook posts being deleted when they are anti-Muslim (actually anti-ISIS). Is it wrong to put out there what the fucking bastards are doing? Is it wrong to state facts that not all Muslims are terrorists but most terrorists are Muslim? Is it wrong to be wary of ‘refugees’ from ISIS controlled countries?

     I am not politically correct in any way, shape or form. I call a spade a spade and a terrorist a terrorist. I’m not racist or anti-gay. That being said, if you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen. If words hurt you so bad go live in a bloody monastery. I will not, under ANY circumstances give up my right to free speech because of your feelings. No one bothered about my feelings when I was growing up and I learned to live with it all. If you don’t get your precious little feelings hurt then you don’t grow and learn other’s viewpoints. All you do, if you won’t let anyone hurt your feelings, is live in a bubble and don’t get a thick enough skin to survive this journey we call life.

     Is it really worth it? Stupidity and idiocy run amok while common sense and intelligence is ridiculed and persecuted. All you have to do is turn on CNN, MSNBC, Fox; read the New York Times, Washington Post, Oregonian or even the Des Moines Register; watch NBC, CBS or ABC.       Here in the United States it is getting worse and worse with the open arms policy of protecting criminal illegal aliens but in Europe it is so much more dangerous with their government’s open arms policies. The peace-loving citizens of the world are allowing the terror inducing RADICAL ISLAMIC TERRORISTS to just take over. They have said for decades that the world would become Islamic. They were right and every other religion, ideology, form of government, etc., are ALLOWING IT AND EVEN INVITING IT.

     Is it really worth it? As an over the road driver I see a LOT of stupid. Never underestimate the stupidity of people behind the wheel of a vehicle. Construction zones where it bottlenecks into one lane is a prime example: people will run up the lane that is ending at full throttle until the lane ends then stops all traffic just to get into the open lane. Three miles back there was a sign that informed traffic what was happening; doesn’t matter: gotta get in front of everyone else. There are also those idiots that just have to get in front of that truck, no matter what traffic laws they break to do it, just to slow that truck down. Where did these people learn to drive???? Stupid, stupid, stupid…. Idiotic, idiotic, idiotic. All because of some undeserved sense of self-worth that makes some think they are more important than everyone else.

     Is it all worth it? We elect politicians to represent us in government. That is the way the Founding Fathers set up this experimental government. Over the years these politicians have learned that they are above any laws they pass. All they have to do is state in said law that Congress is exempt. REALLY? Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Our elected officials have become absolutely corrupted. Once again, listen to the ‘news’ on the radio or television or read the ‘news’papers. When we get someone in office that is NOT a politician, the politicos do everything they can to destroy that person because he is NOT corrupted by politics. He may be corrupted by wealth and business but not politics.

     Is it all worth it? I have been called racist, fascist, bigoted, homophobic, islamaphobic, and a host of other things that really don’t describe me. I AM racist; I’ve gotten to hate the HUMAN RACE. As for hating any nationality, religion, color, creed, etc., nah. I love my black boys that call me dad. I love my Russian/Ukrainian boys that call me dad; I have friends that are Mexican, Puerto Rican, Guatemalan, Korean, English, Welsh, Malaysian, Australian, etc. I have known Palestinians, Catholics, Jews, Pentecostals, Presbyterians, Methodists, Hindus, atheists, Pagans, heathens, etc. Yep! I’m a racist.

     Fascist? According to the Oxford American dictionary, the definition of fascism is: 1) a right-wing system of government with extreme nationalistic beliefs. 2) an attitude that is very intolerant or right-wing. Well, I guess they have the ‘right-wing’ and ‘nationalistic’ parts of it right. I have noticed, though, that it is the left that has become very intolerant. I, myself, have been very tolerant of the liberal rants against the Trump Train, albeit with my own comments following said rants.

     I am not even going to go any further with explaining myself or my beliefs. It doesn’t really matter to anyone anyway. Suffice it to say that I am NOT what the left thinks I am.

     So, I ask: Is it all worth it? Is this journey through life worth all the bullshit that the human race piles upon each other? Is it worth the lies, deceit, corruption, greed, etc.? Is it worth all the protests against free speech, owning weapons? Is it worth it to fight against open borders, extreme tax and spend, taking from those that earn and giving to those that refuse to work? There are times that I definitely feel like putting the bottle to my head and pulling the trigger. Is it really worth it?

     There are a few things that I have in my life that make all the bullshit worth every minute: my children (Jennifer, Andrew, Jaquie, Michael), my grandkids (Destiny, Ryan, Oktober, Nova), my ‘adopted’ kids (Travon, Malcolm, Max, Misha, Julian, Josh), even my ‘adopted’ grandkids (Alex, Danny, the Bentley’s, Tucker, Lorelei, and a few others that I claim that belong to friends). I even happen to have a few friends that make it all worth it (actually too many to list, amazingly enough).        Things don’t make life worth living, things make life easier. Family, friends, loved ones are what make life worth living. Even though friends may come and go and family my disown you, it is the camaraderie, the love, the sharing of special moments with those people that make even the shortest time seem like a lifetime. Each person comes into your life for a short time and for a special reason only to leave when their time with you is up. Still, that is what makes it all worth it.

     So, is it really worth it? In a word: yes.

Relationships Today: Just a Little Advice

I think I’m going to do something a little different this weekend. Instead of something really controversial like politics or religion I’m going to delve into the realm of relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, who am I to give out advice on something that I can’t even keep together? In answer to that question I will reply that I am very experienced in what NOT to do. After being married three times, three times divorced, having children with all three, I would like to think that I have a pretty good idea of what is going on. I may be wrong on that but I’m going to go with it anyway.

I got married the first time when I was twenty and she was eighteen. She wanted away from home and I wanted someone there. Trust me when I say that when a relationship is built like that it will never work out. Two years later, after she and I were separated, along came a beautiful baby girl. Was I ready to be a parent in any way, shape or form? Not on your life. Thank the gods that my ex-wife was a hell of a lot more mature than I was. My daughter grew to be a fantastic woman with children of her own that have grown into pretty great young people. When my daughter was around three I surrendered parental rights and let her step-dad adopt her. I thought I was doing the right thing.

Relationship number two, that ended in marriage and divorce, came along a few years later when I was 27. I met this girl while I was servicing a truck where I worked. I was covered in grease and oil and this cute little thing came wandering into the shop and started complaining about being stood up by some sop that had made a movie date with her. As it ended up my buddy and I got cleaned up and we both took her to the drive in movie. It was a triple feature that I have no idea what was playing. We talked through the whole damn thing. My buddy? He sat along the wall of the drive in bored out of his mind.

This girl had a three year old boy that was adorable. He came to me one day and asked if I minded if he called me ‘Dad.’ My heart melted. After we got married I adopted him. He was a great kid and I love him as much as if he was my own blood. But, once again, the fates decided that this wasn’t the one, either. We fought constantly about everything. I was a jealous SOB and she was an eighth Crow Indian and had an evil streak that made her want to stir me up.

I was working for Schwan’s at the time and came home one night to a note on the pillow. Yeah! Can you believe that old cliché? I wasn’t sober for about three or four months. I quit working for Schwan’s and went back to real trucking.

Number three was a few months later. I picked her up in a truck stop where she was hitch hiking. It was in Columbia, MO and she was trying to get to Minneapolis. You just don’t get from the middle of Missouri to southern Minnesota very easily. I gave her ride from there to Indiana and then back to Des Moines and put her on a truck headed to Minneapolis. A couple of months later she was back and in the truck with me.

To make this story shorter, in the ten years we were together we moved from Des Moines to Portland, my beautiful baby daughter was born four months after her mother turned eighteen and my son was born two and half years later. My boy was born in New York while I was still in Portland, OR. Yeah, I’m a dick and she thought I wasn’t paying enough attention to her so she took my daughter across the country for a year. She came back to Portland and then we moved around the country while I was trucking again. We ended up in Fremont, NE where it finally came to an end.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Every time I got married it was forever but, there is that little problem of me being a dick. When I got together with the last one I told her that I didn’t own her and she didn’t own me; as long as my children were taken care of she did what she wanted and I was not going to change my lifestyle of trucking. I didn’t cheat on her. I am NOT that kind of driver. I am loyal to a fault and once committed that is all she wrote. No.3 and I never fought until that last night when she walked out on me and the kids.

Throughout all three of these relationships there is one common denominator: my attitude that I was not owned by anyone and I was going to do what I wanted regardless. Don’t get me wrong, I did my best to take care of my family and my children are my world. That was probably the biggest thing, I paid more attention to my kids than the other half. Not the best way to keep a relationship together.

In any relationship it has to be a two way street. It cannot just go one way. Give and take and if you give a little more than you take then it will, more than likely, stay together; if there is any chance that one is taking more than the other it will end in disaster. Communication is just as important. If you can’t talk things through, you get angry and go to bed that way, you will end up as bitter enemies. You have to be able to compromise in all things. And, this one is very important, if you try to change someone that you are with, you’ve lost. You didn’t fall in love with what you want to change them into. You fell in love with what they are.

In today’s world I’ve watched these kids from 14 to 20 do their utmost to get into a serious relationship and have kids. Stupidest thing they could do. These kids are just as immature as we were back in the 70’s but they think they are much more grown up. I throw down the BS card on that. These girls today think they can be moms at 14, 16, 18 years old. They can’t. And these boys won’t be ready to be dads until they reach about 30.

I’ve seen girls destroy boy’s lives because they didn’t get what they wanted, which was to have a baby, and then if they do get what they want, they destroy that poor boy’s life and her own. Well, maybe not destroy but definitely make it exponentially harder. Life is NOT easier with a baby on your hip. When I was young and you had a child, that child was yours to take care of. Today, I constantly see posts on Facebook or hear girls cry because they need time off from their children. These girls seem to think that having a living child is like taking care of that stupid doll they have in high school independent living class. It isn’t.

Who is to blame for this social problem? I blame us. By ‘us’ I mean the parents of these children that think they are grown up at 14. We have become so complacent and relaxed in parenting that these kids are basically raising themselves. That doesn’t bring about morally adept children. They start sleeping with the opposite sex at 14 just to have someone to sleep next to. Next thing you know they’re doing the dirty with whoever it is next to them without protection and then, BAM, they’re pregnant and think they’re gonna get a Sony TV. Oh, sorry. That baby that is growing in there suddenly becomes one of two things: an income from a poor, unemployed teenaged boy and the government or, it’s an inconvenience and needs to be aborted.

My best advice to anyone from 14 to 25 – stay single, enjoy life, get set financially then start thinking about getting into a serious relationship. The world isn’t going to end if you don’t get serious with someone before you’re 30. Kids are wonderful gifts that require a LOT of work and a lot of money. Stay children for as long as you can. Being grown up is not as great as what it’s advertised to be. Life is hard enough by yourself and it isn’t any easier when you have others that you are responsible for. Relationships don’t last. I’ve known people that were married for decades that broke apart. Children aren’t mature enough to even know what love is much less what commitment and loyalty are. Most girls are out to get into a boy’s wallet and get a baby for an income. Boys are out to get their wedding tackle wet, period.

Those last two statements are generalities; there are those rare boys and girls that are actually loyal and true. If you can find one, keep them. The biggest problem is that those with good hearts, the loyal, are taken advantage of more often than not by those that are so immature that they can’t see beyond their own noses. Hedonism runs rampant in today’s world and that is the saddest thing that could ever happen. Dorian Grey is king; the only problem there is that these modern Dorian’s aren’t immortal.

Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries Just like Erma Said

Life is like a bowl of cherries. Erma Bombeck titled one of her books by that name. I have never read it, at least in its entirety. In fact, I really can’t recall one story in that book as it was many, many years ago that I actually read parts of it but, I know, that Erma Bombeck was a very intelligent author. She wrote her humorous stories around actual events in her life and experiences in a way that was entertaining, humorous and, if read in the right frame of mind, educational.

Why did I choose this as the main topic of this article? I chose ‘life is like a bowl of cherries’ because, through the past week, I have lived that bowl of cherries. Along with that wondrous juicy red fruit that is so delicious, there are always those damnable pits.

I have a friend that has told me for years that I am the only person he knows that can think himself into a bad mood. With my choice of career I have plenty of time to think about things. Amazingly enough, this past week there have been many, many things to think about from the Senate’s agonizing debates about Judge Neil Gorsuch to the bombing of a Syrian airstrip along with enough every day, non-political, work related subjects to choke the life out of anything.

The point I want to make, here at the start of this article is this: Life is actually pretty good for most people here in the good ol’ USA. Most, but not all; I have it decent. I have a pretty good paying job that I really enjoy, a roof over my head and food in the fridge. My bills are paid and nothing is getting shut off so why would I say anything about the ‘pits?’ Without the dark, we wouldn’t know anything about the light. For example, today started pretty good as I got to my receiver at a good time with only a few trucks ahead of me; I waited only a short time before being put into a dock door and it seemed I would get home early. That is as far as the good went. I waited over seven hours to get unloaded and almost an hour after that to get my paperwork. After leaving the receiver I was driving along at the speed limit, got behind a slow pickup truck, moved over to the fast lane to go around and the damn pickup truck decided to match my speed thus making me back traffic up behind me.

No big deal you would think, just slow down, get back behind him and travel on. Let me let you in on a little secret there: personal vehicle drivers do not like trucks. On any given day I will get slowed down by people that speed up when I try to get around them only to slow back down when I can’t and get behind them again numerous times. As a professional driver in a vehicle governed at 64 miles an hour I am at the mercy of a lot of things. I’ve been cut off by people that had to get in front of me, just to slow down or make that exit ramp that I just passed. I’ve had people pull out in front of me with less than a truck length between us. It gets more than a little annoying.

Today, being aggravated by the slow unload, this driver just pissed me off. As traffic is backing up behind me and this idiot not letting me by I blew my horn at him. Now, he could have sped up or slowed down, either way, no big deal; what did he do? He hit the brakes, looked up at me through the window and pulled off the highway. I’m expecting a call from the company about this as I am sure he took down the company name and trailer number because I was being an ass. I could have done more, like start to pull over into his lane to get him to move the hell out of my way for one thing.

As you see, with the day starting as that sweet, juicy, delicious fruit of me going home, getting to the receiver and getting into a door early, there came the pit of taking most of the day to get unloaded and then an idiot driver. Life was definitely a bowl of cherries today.

Another great author that I have come to admire is Sherrilyn Kenyon. For those that have been living under a rock or don’t read anything but Forbes and the Wall Street Journal, Ms. Kenyon writes fantasy/adventure/romance novels (the only reason they are romance is that she does put some pretty graphic sex scenes in there and the main character ALWAYS gets what they want). Maybe you have heard of her Dark Hunter, Dream Hunter, League or Chronicles of Nick books that are international best sellers. My personal favorites are the Chronicles of Nick, the adventures of a teenaged Cajun from New Orleans that has an attitude.

Why do I put her up there with such a writer as Erma Bombeck? Sherrilyn Kenyon was an abused child and she persevered and won the day. She survived and thrived through things that would permanently scar most people. She puts the wisdom of those years and her survival into her writing. Her characters, for the most part, are hundreds, if not thousands, of years old (the oldest that I recall is an Atlantean god that is slightly over eleven thousand years old. When a character has lived as many lifetimes as hers have, they gain a lot of life wisdom.

Ms. Kenyon’s characters have been betrayed by loved ones, been tortured by enemies, lived through hell and, in the end, won the day by perseverance and sheer determination not to let life run them over. Some, the Dark Hunters, have even by murdered in some of the most heinous ways only to be brought back by the Greek goddess Artemis as warriors against evil. Even then, these people have stories to tell and wisdom to share.

The point I am getting at is this: there are a lot of times that the gods make humans their punching bags and don’t give a rat’s ass what happens to us. It is up to us, the human race, to decide whether we will let life kill us or we go over, under, around or through the hardships and keep fighting. There is always something to keep fighting for: a loved one, an important cause, honor.

With all that is going on in the world today, especially since the election in November, there have been a lot of times when people have asked me how my day is, I’ve replied, ‘If it got any better I may as well take off my own head.” After years of fighting depression, it’s getting kind of hard to keep fighting the good fight for me but I do. I fight on because I have things worth fighting for, even if some of those things don’t care about me. As Dom Torreto said in Fast & Furious, “Never give up on family, even if they do.” I happen to have a lot of family, most of which are not blood.

To sum it all up, it doesn’t matter if you are liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican, wealthy or poor, mentally balanced or have mental illness, physically healthy or ill, there is always something or someone that needs you, would miss you, would die without you. It doesn’t matter who is in the White House, Congress, Supreme Court, who controls what country, who has done this or that, we all have our roles to play. What we do today, what we say tomorrow, what has happened in the past or will happen in the future, does not matter one iota to the Universe. It will all fade into nothingness through the mists of time. What will remain is whether we kept going, kept fighting for life or whether we gave in and ended it all without a fight.

Over, under, around or through, there is always a way. The gods are childish, narcissistic asses that look at the human race as entertainment. We only get what we earn by working for it and there will be no one there to help us. Friends come and go. We can’t take anything with us and no one gets out of life alive. It is our decisions whether our lives are a beach or a bitch. If you want some good life lessons, some good outlooks on life, read some Erma Bombeck and Sherrilyn Kenyon. There are other great authors out there that, through telling their stories, have wisdom to give but these two are my favorites. Give it try, read instead of staring at your phone or computer screen or game console. Chronicles of Nick, Life is Like a Bowl of Cherries, House of Darke (by Colin R Parsons), Wizard’s Quest (by yours truly) are a few titles for life lessons through stories. Fahrenheit 451, Animal Farm, Dangerous Minds, Divergent, a few other titles for what life could be, even the Harry Potter and Percy Jackson series’ can be more than entertainment if you really sit down and read them.

Don’t let politics, religion, nationality, or ideology cloud your mind. Life IS a bowl of cherries; all you have to do is spit the pits out and keep eating the sweet stuff….  

Friends v Enemies

There is an old adage that says, “Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer.” In today’s world, do you really know who your friends really are? It is becoming increasingly more difficult to discern between friend and enemy.

A person used to know, beyond doubt, who would stand up for him or her and who would stab them in the back. Today, your most trusted ally may well be the one to place the knife between your ribs. Loyalty, commitment and friendship are all on a temporary scale. To find a true friend, one that would never betray you no matter what, is hard to find. As long as a person can use you, needs what you can do for them, you are their friend. As soon as that need is gone, when they no longer can use you, they turn on you and leave you in the dark.

That woman, or man, that means so much to you, that you love more than life, has no more respect or loyalty to you than they did for the person before you. Once again, to find someone that is permanent is rare. Divorce rates skyrocket while long-term relationships plummet. Women want a baby daddy; someone that will give them an income for the long term. As soon as she gets what she wants, she is done with you and on to the next man; all the while you are paying for her lifestyle.

That boy that tells you he loves you more than life is only playing a part just to get into you. If you become pregnant, you are history and that poor baby is forgotten about by his/her sperm donor. It isn’t about love anymore. It is all about lust and numbers. The more women he can get between the sheets the better man he is.

As friends, two people can be inseparable for a time, sharing everything from dreams to fears. All it takes is one disagreement and the friendship is gone. “If I show you the darkness within me, will you still think of me the same?” Most will not. If you show your darkness, your demons, most will turn and run away. Why? They run because they don’t want to have to deal with any kind of drama or conflict. Most people today are so hedonistic that they cannot see beyond their own noses. Only their wants and needs and desires matter. If you don’t cater to them, they leave.

You can give until there is nothing left to give to some people and when it’s gone, so are they. It is your fault that they have so little. It is your responsibility to supply them with what they want. A gentle, giving heart must set limits because the takers never will. They will take until nothing remains then they will move on to someone else that can give to them. It is a never ending cycle.

When you do find that one person that will have your back, no matter what, keep hold of them. If someone is willing to be there through thick and thin, through the demons coming out, for better or worse, that person is a jewel to be held onto, cherished. If you betray that person you are doing them, and yourself, a grave injustice. How so? By betraying them you have lost a treasure most will never find and you will have maybe damaged a kind soul to where they never will trust again.

Life is hard. Life is not fair. It has become a dog eat dog world and that, my friends, is the beginning of the end. When everyone must watch their backs to keep from having a blade stuck through it, then true commitments and loyalty will never be able to exist. Only alliances founded on mutual survival will remain. “My enemy’s enemy is my friend.” Like an alliance between Russia and the United States, it becomes nothing more than enemies bound by a common goal. Once the goal is reached, or is found to be unreachable, that alliance is gone and they are still enemies.

Once a person realizes that they are nothing more than the god’s whipping boy, all hope leaves and despair is all that remains. For those that always look for the good in everyone, it will be a hard life of betrayal after betrayal. There is good in each and every person on this planet. It is whether each one wants to let that good out or keeps it buried deep inside so as not to be taken for granted. Instead of ‘do unto other as you would have done unto you,’ it has become ‘do unto other before they do unto you.’ That is why the good is buried in so many.

Greed, lust, gluttony, vanity, envy, sloth and wrath, the seven deadly sins rule this world. Hedonism is king. Chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility, the seven virtues are a thing of the past or are to be taken advantage of. The two have to coexist to keep a balance on good and evil. Today, the balance is tipped in favor of the sins whereas, in the past, the virtues were more important. What has caused this change in the balance of power?

In days gone by, religion and morality were more important than personal feelings. It was taboo to have sex before you were married and even more so to have a baby out of wedlock. Charity started at home because taking care of your own meant your survival. Respect for your elders and those in authority kept you from becoming an outcast in society. Conservatism was necessary to stay alive and prosper.

Today, it is vogue to have babies before marriage, even encouraged. Sex is encouraged at a young age as sex education and contraceptives are handed out to preteens in school. Our children are taught to think only of themselves when it comes to feelings and desires. They are also taught that to be righteous and moral they must give to those less fortunate no matter whom that may be. Liberalism is the only right way to think.

The difference between liberalism and conservatism is this: liberalism today is communism at worst and socialism at best. Why do I say that? ‘From each according to his ability to each according to his wants and needs’ is what liberalism wants. Wealth redistribution in the form of taxing the rich more and giving that money to the less fortunate, whether they work for it or not.

Conservatism today is a capitalist society. ‘You don’t work, you don’t eat.’ If you put in an honest day’s work, you get paid an honest day’s wage. You are responsible for your own actions and welfare. If you need assistance, it will be given but if you are able, but refuse, to be a productive member of society, you deserve no help.

Why did I put those two paragraphs in at this point? Because it gives the difference between how things were and how they are. When conservatism was reigning, friends were friends, loyalty and commitment meant something and morality was important. Today, liberalism reigns and people are against each other and only think of themselves.

We no longer have to struggle to actually survive. We struggle to survive our wants but not our needs. Yes, there are homeless and hungry people, even here in one of the wealthiest nations on Earth but, for the most part, people are taken care of. It’s not like we have to go out and hunt our food and make clothes out of the hides of what we kill. If we need food, there are welfare or food banks. If we need shelter there is welfare and missions. Society is called upon to supply to those in need. Our struggles are to support our wants, our greed, and our gluttony. Because we no longer have to struggle, our battles are now against each other. We take from those that are willing to give because we want what they have. We ingratiate ourselves to the kind, gentle, giving souls just to stab them in back once we are done with them.

If society continues in this fashion how long do you think that humanity will survive? Soon, very soon, we will once again become a feudal society and kill each other off as the ancient Celts, Normans, and Vikings did to those weaker than them. World population will decline to a few of the strongest. Those with money will have the protection of the castle while the weak will only have their hovels to hide in. Once the battles begin there will be no stopping them. Where will those takers and hedonists go then? Of course, to those that are kind and giving, if there are any of those left.

Hopefully, one day in the near future, conservatism, morality, loyalty and commitment will make a reappearance and become the norm replacing the hedonistic society that believes in the seven sins instead of the seven virtues. Hopefully.

We Are So Stupid

We are so stupid. It’s like; we wake up and say to ourselves, “Let’s see just how stupid we can be today.”

Our elected officials don’t give a damn about us. When the Illuminati tell them to spout some bull shit out of their mouths, they do. Then, when they are told to say something the exact opposite, they do. Let’s take immigration control for example. Six, eight, ten, twenty, fifty years ago each President and Congress made statements about how we need to control the influx of illegal immigrants into our country. Even Barack Obama said it. Now, when Donald Trump says it, it’s racist, bigoted, and xenophobic. Why? Because the Illuminati wants chaos.

This is just one example and I am sure that there are multitudes of them if I was to take the time to go through the so-called NEWS papers, watch the so-called NEWS programs, listen to the so-called NEWS on the radio or read all the political posts on Facebook. After all, the mass media and social media is where all the chaos starts. The social media is where the division starts. That is what the Illuminati want; division and chaos. As long as we are so divided against each other the chaos continues and what is really going on is hidden in the shadows.

Our stupidity starts when we turn on that all mighty computer and open up Facebook or turn on the idiot tube to the NEWS or the radio and turn it to Fox or CNN. We are fed a constant stream of lies and misdirections. Smoke and mirrors, people; smoke and mirrors. The richest of the rich don’t want us to critically think about anything, question anything. That is why all the debate over border control, Muslim bans, people in the wrong bathroom.

As long as we play by their rules, we lose. We have been losing for a long time. The rules of this game are slanted to the rich, not the working class or the poor. As long as we fall into the trap of chaos and divisiveness they win. And they always win because we are stupid enough to fall for their deceit and corruption.

For eight years I kept saying how Barack Obama was the worst thing that could happen to the United States. Eight long, tedious years of trying to convince the liberals that he was a man with delusions of godhood; that his policies went against what America stood for. For eight long years, I was right, yet, also wrong. It wasn’t Obama that was against America. He was just another pawn on the chess board of the Illuminati. He was just doing what he was told.

During the Nixon years the big joke was that Washington took its orders from Moscow. That poor joke is back. Now everyone is saying that Trump is Putin’s lackey. He isn’t. Trump is just another piece on the board. If he isn’t, then he will surely end up like John Kennedy, the last President that went against the system. If Trump is truly what he says he is, the Illuminati will not stand for his rise and power. They will eliminate him like they did Kennedy a week after his speech on how he knew something was wrong and he would find out what it was and fix it.

Each and every politician is bought and paid for. Each one is told what to do, what to say and what to get through Congress. It doesn’t matter what party affiliation they have, they are all on the same side; the side that keeps the Illuminati in power and the rest of the world in chaos.

As we argue amongst ourselves over the petty things, things like gay marriage and whether a boy can use the girl’s bathroom, the real powers are sitting on their thrones, behind high walls, playing Stratego with our lives. We have no control. Each government in the ‘free’ world makes it seem as though we have freedoms and liberties. We do not. We have jack. We are only allowed to scratch out a meager existence that appears to be a good life. We are slaves and don’t even realize it.

That is why we are stupid. We allow this to happen to ourselves and say, “Thank you, can you screw me some more?” Yes, there are those that make good money and life the life of Riley. Celebrities, athletes, politicians all live lavish lifestyles that the rest of us only dream about. They set themselves above us as they rise to the top of their professions. We hang on their every word. We worship the ground they walk on. They are shit. They are no better than the rest of us. WE put them where they are yet they believe they are above us. We are so stupid.

Open your eyes and see the world for what it is. It is a shithole that keeps getting deeper and deeper. We are drowning in it and enjoying it because we are told by the mass media and social media that we are doing so well. We are so stupid.

Our time is now. If not now, when? Do you want your children, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren to live as slaves to an elite few? That is what we are now. Now is the time to change that. Peaceful protests, passive revolution, shout out to the gods in which you believe. Just do something and do it quickly. We are only getting in deeper and deeper.

I used to be a staunch conservative and still am. I believe in the Constitution of the United States and the freedoms that were fought for during the War of Independence and the War of 1812. I believe that the two great wars, WWI and WWII, were fought to keep freedom alive. I believe in self-reliance and depending on no one for any kind of handout. I believe that everyone deserves work and honest pay; the right to keep and bear arms to protect myself, family and country against a tyrannical enemy either foreign or domestic. The only problem with what I believe is that those enemies are unseen, freedoms and civil liberties are meted out by powers beyond ourselves and self-reliance is being taken over by government handouts and the chaos that is ensuing will continue until we, the people of the world, unite against the true enemies that would destroy us all.

Conspiracy theories? Every theory starts with a shred of truth, even Bigfoot. Was the UFO crash of the 1950s in Roswell a conspiracy theory? Think about this; since that time technology has advanced at an exponential rate. It took over 2000 years to bring about electricity and modern medicine. It took a decade to put a man on the Moon. Computers in the 1970s were huge and did one thing at a time. In the 1990s they got smaller and smaller. Now, today, I have the entire knowledge of the world, the computing power of the brightest minds, all in the palm of my hand wherever I go. I don’t have to sit at a desk typing out 3x8 cards with holes so that a machine can add one and one together.

Are my rants conspiracy theory? Look around. Open your eyes and see what the world has become. What has happened in the last ten years? Racism has gone back to the level of the 1950s. Fearmongering is at an all-time high. Prices skyrocket while wages stagnate. We are fighting wars on three fronts against enemies that we don’t know who they are. World powers plan against each other while talking peace just as the Japanese did in 1942 with the USA. These are the times of chaos; not the Biblical End Times but the population of the world is getting so large and the elitists are so few that they need to keep chaos churning and the world’s population fighting against each other so that they can keep their power over us.

Our Time Is Now! Quit playing by their rules. Quit fighting amongst yourselves. Start fighting for each other against a common enemy; against the Illuminati.

Only WE can prevent the fires that are burning. Only WE can overturn the power base of the 13 richest families in the world. OUR TIME IS NOW!

Love Will Make You Stupid

“Love will make you stupid. You won’t listen to anyone, not even your own common sense.” This is a quote from The Chronicles of Nick by the great Sherrilyn Kenyon. This woman, this writer, this genius, can articulate so well that most of her work of fiction can be used as everyday quotes.

I am using this one today because it has a relevance to what is going on in a couple of people’s lives that are very close to me. I will not divulge names, they know who they are, but I hope that they will read this and get a clue.

If a boy, or girl, is in a relationship, whether legally married or just ‘shackin’ up,’ they have made a commitment to their significant other to stay true to them. If said boy, or girl, decides that they no longer want to be with that person then they break up. If they are married, it takes a little more than just saying, “I’m leaving.” A divorce takes a little bit of time and a lot of money, especially if there are children involved. There are the two main types of relationships and each will be examined.

First is the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. That is where two people are basically just dating each other. They have made a promise to each other that they will stay true and not see other people. If one of them decides that the other isn’t what they want, they break up and find someone new. That is the easy one; unless they stay with their significant other and see one or more others on the side secretly. This is the way it seems to go these days. No one stays true to anyone. They say, “I love you and will forever,” but what they are actually saying is, “I’ll stay with you because I like what you do for me until I can find someone else that can do more.”

It seems that what kids, and some adults, want is to have someone to have sex with whenever they want while all the time playing the field. No commitment, no loyalty and no worries… until they get caught be their ‘main squeeze.’ It is then that they back-peddle and try to smooth things over and keep the one they know will be there all the time. Really? Are people that stupid? Yes they are.

Now we go to the married couple. One is not happy in the relationship for one reason or another, it really doesn’t matter what the reason is. Let’s say the man is cheating on his wife He will say that he’s working late, going out with the guys or some other lame excuse he knows his wife will accept. All the while, he is out with his girlfriend doing the dirty. The girlfriend is happy because she is getting what she wants – he tells her he loves her and that he will leave his wife and they will get married and live happily ever after.

Maybe it’s the wife that is cheating. She makes all kinds of excuses to go out on the town without her husband with the same results only with some boy. The thing here is that neither one is leaving their spouse while seeing someone else. Why, if they are so unhappy, do they not file for divorce, get the divorce and THEN start seeing someone? It doesn’t matter if a person is ‘legally separated’ from their spouse, they are still ‘legally married.’ They did not take the sacred vows of marriage seriously.

The major point to this rant is this: if a person is willing to cheat on their significant other, not take their promises or vows seriously and lie to that significant other then they have no sense of commitment or loyalty to anyone. If they are more than willing to go behind their significant other with someone they think, or that actually is, a good, decent person, what makes that good, decent person think for one minute that cheater won’t cheat on them? It is my opinion that they will. A person that is willing to cheat on their partner, no matter what the circumstances, they will cheat on the person they are cheating with.

Some will say, “Well, their wife/husband has beat on them, cheated on them, done this or that to them….etc.” That may well be. If it is that bad then get the divorce, break up, whatever… but get it done and over with before you go jumping in the sack with someone else.

I come from a time when commitment meant something. If you were taken, had a partner, you didn’t cheat for any reason. If there were problems you talked about them and fixed them; you didn’t throw away a relationship because you were tired of that person. If it was an abusive relationship then the family took care of it. Most, not all but most, abusive relationships are not that abusive and, a lot of the time, the one being abused has gotten the abuser so peeved as to not know what else to do. Through experience, I would have to say that if a man hits a woman (I do NOT condone this action) she has done him so wrong that he feels she deserves it. Usually she has cheated on him numerous times or complains about everything about him or tries to control him to the point of obsession or control freak abuse herself.

Some of my observations may not be the norm, some may be way off mark but, you have to understand that after half a century of studying people that I do have a little bit of experience with a lot of different social situations. Relationships are a dime a dozen anymore because they don’t last due to lack of morality and commitment. When it comes to other people I can usually tell you within minutes how they are with the person they are with, whether they are good or bad and whether they are sincere or fake. I just wish I could do it when it comes to my own life and relationships. In that respect I fail miserably.

Do We Really Control Our Own Destiny?

     There comes a time in everyone’s life when it is necessary to look back and consider all that has happened, both good and bad. It is then that we decide whether the good, or bad, out-weighs the other. If the good out-weighs the bad, then we have lived a good life and if the opposite, then our life has been less than exceptional. It is never too late to change how one’s life ends up as long as one is breathing. As Sherrilyn Kenyon said – “We are all writers of our lives. We can make our lives comedies or tragedies.” We have the control over our destinies. The Fates may weave, and unweave, our lives but we, alone, control our own destiny in a way that the Fates cannot change.

     It is true that there are certain things that occur in our lives that we cannot change, no matter how hard we try. The people we meet, the places we end up in and the end of our lives are all things that we cannot change, no matter what we do. The ins and outs of everyday life are what we control and that is where we make the difference. Our free will, our stupidity, is what makes our life good or bad. It isn’t the Fates that tell the criminal to rob or kill. It isn’t the Fates that tell the average person to decide to smoke that joint or snort that line. It is, however, the Fates that tell that person to love this man/woman, enter the military or to go to school to learn more. That is how they weave our lives. That is how, when in the end days, they unweave those lives.

     When our lives come to an end, and there is no changing that time, it is our decisions that determine how our life is ended. If we have lived a good life, did not break the law, did not do drugs or smoke or drink, then maybe it was the decision to go skiing on a dangerous mountain or to bungee jump or fly in a plane that is destined to crash. How we die is our choice, when we die is the decision of the Fates. It is the time from birth to that time of death that we control more than the Fates do. We make the day to day decisions that affect our lives, not the Fates.

     The ones that we fall in love with, what we end up doing for society and the people of the world, whether we are rich or poor, all these things are outside our influence. I know that there are those that will say everything that happens in our lives are our choices and, by and large, they are but there are those things that, no matter what we do, we have absolutely no control over. That is where our lives become a struggle; we fight what the Fates have set in stone for us. Even if we are doing what we think is best or what we want, if it is not in sync with our destiny, it becomes a chore. We may be having fun, we may think that we are happy, but it gets to where we sink deeper into an unconscious depression that will eat at us until we change course and get on the right path. This is where those that will say we choose our destinies are wrong because, even though we choose our day to day destinies, our life destinies are not ours to control.

     Whether you call it the Fates, the Norns or some other name, it is them that control our lives. We cannot fight what is already set in motion. You can beg the gods for whatever you desire from riches to lovers to whatever and if it is not in line with what the Fates have in store for you, it will not be yours. You may get that parking space you want on a daily basis, you may go to a place you don’t want to because that is what is on your mind, you may even win small amounts from the lottery if you believe hard enough but when it comes to the big stuff, making life changes, you may as well try telling your bedroom wall to move over a foot under its own power.

     I realize that I repeat a lot of what I say. This is not always intentional but there are those times that I do it for a reason. There are times that repetition is needed to get a point across well enough to be retained by the reader or listener. So if you don’t like the way I write, then read someone else’s blog. I don’t try to change people’s minds; I try to get people to look at things from a different angle, a different point of view. In other words, I try to get people to look at the world through open eyes and an open mind instead of a very narrow view and a closed mind. I hope I did my job.

Things I am Grateful For

     There are many things that a person should be thankful for in their lives. For every person there are different things, of course, but there are still those qualities, possessions, family members, friends or whatever else could possibly be in a life that should cause gratefulness to be shown. Each day a person should stop and reflect on those things and say a silent ‘Thank you’ to whatever deity they believe in. Do people do this? Some do, some don’t but all should. I am guilty of not showing my gratitude for all the things in my life as I should. I take a lot of it for granted as most do and don’t think anything about it. That is what this is all about; I want the gods to know that I am grateful for what I have. I can list a lot of things and still leave a lot out. I just think it is time that I start to say, “Thank the gods for what I have.”

     

     This is a small list, by far incomplete and definitely not in order from most to least.

        §  My sons and daughters- Jaquie, Michael, Jennifer and Andrew

        §  My closest friends- Julian, Sonya, Bob, Moses and Billy 

  §  My friends that aren’t around as much- Josh, Dianna, Springer, Alan, SherBear, Swainey and

           ·         Morgan, Debbie and her family and a host of others too numerous to list

        §  My extended family- brother and sisters, nieces and nephews, in-laws and out-laws

        §  My mother and my dad (my dad is gone but I am so thankful that I had him as long as I did)

        §  My health

        §  My home

        §  I have a job that pays the bills

        §  I have food to eat and the family does not go hungry

        §  I am a free man living in a still free country

        §  My education and intelligence gained throughout a lifetime of learning

        §  My children are healthy and happy

        §  My faith and beliefs

     I know that this is, by far, an incomplete list but these things are what I am most thankful for at this time. I thank the gods of Valhalla for all that I have and have had over the decades that I have been on this rock. I know that there are things that are coming my way, things that I need, or will need, and things that I want. All will manifest as it has been written and the Fates have woven into this life for me. For all this, and more, “Thank you.”

You're There for a Reason - Good or Bad

     There are people that will come into our lives at times that are there for one purpose or another. Actually, everyone comes into a person’s life for one reason or another. Whether it be for good, bad or indifferent, there is always a reason. Some are there for a very short time, others for longer and still others for a lifetime. There are, also, those that come into someone’s life to disappear then reappear later, sometimes weeks, months or even years. They, too, have a reason for being there, especially if it is a second or even third time.

     Most people, when they leave someone’s life, will give a reason. It could be that they were angry, disrespected, abused, following the crowd or otherwise influenced to leave. There is always a reason for them leaving. It could be that their job was done, whatever their job was at the time. Drifting apart is another reason. Over time people will follow their own paths that take them away. Through it all, though, the reason for them leaving is always pretty clear to both parties, most of the time.

     Then, there are those that leave for apparently no reason what-so-ever, or so it seems. They will say that nothing is wrong, they are vague about the whole thing or that they just want to do their own thing. All the while, the person left behind knows that there is more to the story than what is being said. Does it matter? Not in the least. You can’t control anyone but yourself and you definitely cannot control the actions, thoughts or emotions of another. If someone leaves your life without an obvious reason and they won’t let you know why, then it is on them. They don’t owe you anything.

     Let’s say that you have had a friend for years, even decades, that suddenly disappears from your life. What goes through your mind; what did I do, why are they gone, what can I do to get them back? All these questions and more usually go through the mind of the one left standing alone. You can try to find out but it won’t do any good, especially if the one that left doesn’t want to tell you. As for trying to get them back into your life, might as well try to talk the wall into moving over six inches under its own power. The more you try, the farther that person will move away from you.

     What makes it so bad is if that friend was someone really close to you, someone that you trusted with everything, and now won’t even try to talk to you about what is wrong with the relationship. When they will tell you things haven’t changed, nothing is wrong, they just want to do other things, you just can’t get the real reason out of them. They don’t want to tell you and they won’t. There is nothing you can do about it. It doesn’t matter how close you were, you aren’t anymore and the reason behind it is irrelevant. If they wanted you to know why they left you and the friendship behind, they would tell you. Is it fair? No, but no one said life was fair. Fair is something you pay a cabbie for a ride. Fair is somewhere you go to eat cotton candy and step in monkey poop. Fair has nothing to do with life.

     You are the master of your own destiny. As mi hijo always says, “Don’t let someone else control your life.” The only problem with that statement, that utterance of wisdom, is that when a person cares about someone, really cares, that person does control their emotions to a point. Only Spock can detach himself from all emotion and look at things totally logically. Oh, to be able to detach from emotion. Wouldn’t that be the way to go? If a person could be emotionally detached from everyone, what would they be like? Psychiatrists, therapists, human services workers, clergymen and even law enforcement would say that an emotionally detached person was mentally unstable. How could anyone not have emotions toward their fellow human beings?  The only problem with all those professionals is that they, themselves, are actually emotionally detached from humanity. They have to be to do their jobs, except for the clergy, they have to love everyone in a non-committal, platonic way unless you are an altar boy in the Catholic Church.

     When a couple get divorced after years, or decades, of marriage, who is the loser? There are always winners and losers. Unless it is a consensual parting, one party is usually devastated while the other goes out and parties their nights away having a great time. In this scenario, one is totally unhappy with the other for some reason only known to the hurt party. Let’s say Bob and Joyce have been together for thirty years. One day, Joyce comes into the kitchen while Bob is just leaving to his job and tells him that she is through, he will be hearing from her lawyer. Bob stutters and asks why she’s leaving and all she says is that she isn’t happy. Really? It took her thirty years to figure that out. Amazing. Bob is devastated because he didn’t know they were having problems and Joyce gets the house, the BMW, the kids, alimony and child support. Bob gets the shaft on top of his emotional distress. Joyce doesn’t understand why he’s upset in the least.

     Two friends, let’s say, Bill and Tom, have been friends for a long time, maybe since childhood. They do everything together and are best buds. They have shared their hopes and dreams, conquests and defeats and know as much about each other as two people can. One day, out of the blue, Tom just leaves. He doesn’t call or come by, when asked to hang out he’s got other things to do and refuses to give a reason. All he says is there is nothing wrong, he is doing other things and he is starting a new stage in his life. He’ll tell Bill he’ll stop by then doesn’t with the reason that he got distracted. He will tell Bill that he isn’t doing something anymore then goes out with others to do just that thing. Tom will hang out and do things with anyone but Bill. If Bill does see him, he has to go where Tom is working or otherwise tied down just to be able to talk to him in person. Is there a problem here? Of course there is. Will Tom let Bill know? Of course he won’t. Nothing is wrong, nothing has changed and everything is hunky-dorey, ok, fine, good. Bill knows differently but what can he do about it? Not a thing. Until Tom is ready to let the cat out of the bag and tell Bill what the problem is, Bill will be in the dark and hurting over the whole thing. And Tom will be sitting there wondering why Bill is devastated and not keeping on keeping on with his life like nothing has happened.

     This comes back to that emotional detachment. Joyce and Tom are emotionally detached from Bob and Bill. They couldn’t care less about what they are doing, or have done, to their significant other and friend. They can’t understand why the others don’t live their life as they always have despite the fact that an important part of their lives just disappeared without a reason or warning. Of course Joyce and Tom are happy, they knew what was coming, they know the reasons behind the actions and it doesn’t bother them one iota how the affected parties are hurt. They just don’t care; emotional detachment from humanity. Is that mental instability? Not really in these scenarios. It happens every day in every town in every state in every country. But, put someone out there that is emotionally detached from the beginning and that is something to worry about.

     So what does this have to do with a person coming into your life for a reason? Everything. Joyce came into Bob’s life, spent thirty years giving him support to succeed at his job, gave him children to carry on the bloodline and gave him someone to love. Tom was in Bill’s life to be a confidante, a partner-in-crime so to speak and someone that was there when no one else was when he needed someone the most. Why did they leave? Who knows? Was their job done that the gods and fates had for them? Only the gods and fates know that. Time heals all wounds as the old adage goes and after a time the pain turns to a dull ache and the longing turns into a distant memory. A lesson may have been learned or maybe the hurt party just turned into themselves and left humanity behind and became that emotionally detached psycho that the professionals worry about. It all depends on how emotionally attached they were to the ones that left. Some people never recover from a loss, others recover quite quickly. The bond between the two is the deciding factor. Or, maybe I should say the bond one felt for the other whether it was returned or not.

     Some would say that Bob and Bill would play the ‘pity-me’ card if they talked about their loss a lot. It isn’t that they would want pity. That would be downgrading to them. Not that there aren’t those that want people to pity them but most times it isn’t pity but understanding that the hurt party wants. They want to understand what happened and why. They want to know what happened between them and they are hoping that someone can give them some kind of answers. They are still completely attached to the one that left until those answers come; until they can understand the loss. Until that time, the emptiness in their souls cry out in agony, demanding attention and logic does not come into the equation like is has for the ones that left. To them it was only logical to do what they did and their emotional detachment won’t let them think any more about it and the hurt party is in the wrong for ‘clinging’ or not accepting what happened.

     The two most opposite things in the world are logic and emotion. Unlike love and hate, which are almost the same thing, logic and emotion are on the extreme opposite ends of the spectrum. It takes both to be a well-rounded human being but it is almost impossible for the two to work in tandem for most people. Any scenario is either a logical one or an emotional one with one of two outcomes. It will either work out or someone will be destroyed because of what is happening. If you find yourself in a situation such as this, don’t be the emotionally detached automaton, let the other one know why, give reasons not excuses. It could save a life.

The World of Today and Other Musings About My Life

From the beginnings of time it has been this way. Greed, envy, jealousy, treachery and betrayal have ruled over humanity. The egotism and arrogance of man has always been the driving force of humankind. As technology increases and as more and more people populate the Earth these emotions also increase and become more and more prevalent. People want what they can’t have and/or don’t need and will do anything to get those things. Common courtesy and common sense are far from common in this day and age as more and more people think only of themselves and what they want. The most common way of thinking and behaving is hedonistic. If someone does think of others before him/herself or goes out of their way to help another it is looked upon as something that should be taken advantage of or even outlawed.

When it comes to matters of the heart the same rules apply. It doesn’t matter how much a person cares about another, how much has been invested into a relationship or how much one leaving could destroy the other, it takes nothing for a relationship to end other than one thinks he/she has been wronged and/or someone else seems to be better than the one you have. To use a very old cliché – The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. The problem with that is it only appears to be greener for a short time then it fades to the same as what was before. This is the age of instant gratification and throw-a-aways. We have become so enlightened that nothing is right unless it follows a rigid standard that only the one thinking it knows exactly what that standard is.

Throughout history and throughout nature nothing is either right or wrong but the thinking makes it so and survival of the fittest. In today’s world it is everything is wrong unless it follows a strict path of the ‘norm’ and the strongest are forced to care for the weakest. Public opinion rule the actions of the individual to the point that no one is actually happy or even content and most actually live in a constant state of fear whether they realize it or not. Fear that someone will look down on them, fear that they will get into trouble for something, fear that they won’t be able to survive another day and so on.

Up until the advent of Christianity, the human race believed ‘if it feels good do it as long as no one gets hurt.’ Paganism believes ‘do as you will but harm none.’ Politicians and clergymen today preach tolerance and empathy while condemning and ridiculing those that don’t believe the way they do. They do as much harm as they can to anyone that doesn’t believe the way they do and the gods forbid that anyone should actually be totally happy living the way they want as long as they don’t bother anyone else. Everyone, it seems, must judge those that don’t think or feel the way everyone else does. Most are jealous of anyone else’s happiness and must take it away.

This attitude continues onto the highways and byways of America. Every day people in the cars prove that stupidity reigns supreme. A person will break any and all laws they have to just to get one car length farther ahead or to pass that semi-truck. Gods forbid that anyone, even one that can kill you because of your stupidity, get ahead of you or stay in front of you because you have nowhere to be and you have to get there first. Gods forbid that the truck that feeds America should be allowed to continue on his way to his destination without being harassed, cut off, slowed down or in some other way hindered from doing a thankless job for the masses that want what they don’t need.

I, myself, am against any illegal drug use. That being said, I can understand why all these kids seems to gravitate toward smoking week and indulging in other hallucinogenic and other mind altering drug use. They can’t cope with all the idiocy going on around them. Everything that they could do to have fun is against the law. They can’t congregate in a public place because they are doing something that ‘might’ be illegal. They can’t go to parks after a certain hour because those publicly owned parks close. They can’t go to parking lots to skateboard or ride their bicycles because they ‘might’ be doing something illegal. They can’t ‘scoop the loop’ because they are doing something illegal. All the time the justice system has become the crowning glory of corruption and doing the same thing that they incarcerate people for. Should weed be made legal? I think so simply because it is no worse than alcohol as long as it is regulated the same as alcohol. Even though alcohol can damage a person’s liver and brain function and can become addictive, other harder drugs should not be legalized. Maybe cocaine should. It used to be. In small quantities it is a pain reliever and was, at one time, used as such and is no more addictive than any of the legal pain relievers put out by the pharmaceutical companies now that are endorsed by the FDA.

Let’s revisit an old friend shall we? Let’s take a look at relationships. For millennia it was common for people to love and partner with whomever. It didn’t matter the sex or the age. Granted, before the advent of modern day enlightenment, children were much more mature at a much younger age. As much information that is crammed down the throats of today’s youth, they do not mature nearly as fast as they did even a hundred years ago. They seem to be ‘children’ much longer, sometimes into their twenties. In ancient Greece and Rome, in Europe during the Middle Ages, across the globe throughout history people loved who they wanted without being judged or condemned. Since our great Enlightenment of the Twentieth Century this has all gone by the wayside. Now, in today’s world that is full of self-centered, egotistical, arrogant, judgmental chanty wrasslers, you have to have a relationship only with a certain age group and sex. There are no more concubines or squires, only in the Catholic church where the altar boys seem to be the ‘target’ and ‘victim’ of those nasty people called priests that lead the people to Heaven by making them pay for their tickets by way of ‘donating’ to the church.

Up until the Great Enlightenment, people worked to keep their relationships together. Every couple has problems. Every pair have disagreements. The difference between then and now is that now, when something doesn’t suit you, you throw the relationship away instead of making it work. The Royals still have their ‘flings’ because that is the way it has been for centuries. Only Charles and Dianna actually broke tradition and Dianna died because of it. Kings have had wives and squires since the beginning of civilization. Bed warmers, ‘boy-toys,’ lovers and companions, there are as many ways to describe these partners as there are people. The majority of highly intelligent beings have had same-sex lovers since before recorded history. These same intellectuals had more than one lover of the opposite sex. These have been men, and women, such as Madame Curie, Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci, J. Edgar Hoover, Oscar Wilde and Abraham Lincoln just to name a few. Today, even though the government in the United Social States of America has passed laws for it, same sex relationships are condemned as wrong because of one thing – the Christian church says it is. That is the ONLY reason.

Since the advent of Christianity we have had rules and laws and ways of thinking crammed down our throats. If you don’t think this way, if you don’t act that way, if you don’t believe this and that you are going to suffer an eternity of torment. Today’s laws are based on Christian belief. Why? What makes one belief so much better than another? Why is this one religion the only ‘right’ one? Christianity was born two thousand years ago in the middle of nowhere. It forced its way into the lives of everyone whether they wanted it or not. Wars have been fought and millions killed because of it. It is the only religion that forces itself into the lives of everyone. Paganism believes in tolerance and peace. Greek and Roman ‘mythology’ had their gods that controlled everything but they didn’t force their beliefs on anyone. So why is Christianity the ONLY correct religion? Because that is what those in control wanted. The best form of control over a people is fear and by god the Bible put fear into the people’s hearts and minds.

The biggest fear that Christianity put into the people was the fear of loving another person unconditionally no matter who that person was. A Christian puts God above all others, then your spouse, then your children and then your country. That is not the natural way of being. To be human, to be happy, to be real, is to love that special someone, no matter who or what they are, unconditionally above all others. True happiness comes from loving and being loved without restraint or condemnation. It doesn’t matter if that someone is the opposite sex or the same sex. It doesn’t matter if that someone is the same age or there are years between you. Nature, in all its fantastic omniscient glory knows this. Humanity has its own agenda and that is control over everyone else and to force an unnatural way of thinking into all those that would be happy being who they are.

 In today’s world, as cruel and crazy as it is, people are more interested in their own pleasure to worry about what they are doing to anyone else. The hedonistic way of thinking is the norm. “I’m gonna be with you, swear my undying love and loyalty, until the ends of the earth. That is until I find someone that can give me more or you piss me off.” Love and loyalty are things of the past. There is no loyalty nor is there commitment on a long term scale. It is all temporary. Thank you to the powers that be for that, whatever or whomever those powers are. Friendships are there only until another catches your fancy. Lovers are there only until another seems to be better. Family is only there to take from. All a relationship is, whether family, friend or lover, to anyone is what they can get out of it and when the giving is not up to their expectations, the relationship is over.

For some, the unlucky ones, the heart is broken into a thousand pieces over and over because they know that the only happiness is truly loving someone and giving their all to that person, even when that person doesn’t deserve it. The person that gives their all, goes out of their way to be the person they know they should be, is the one that is kicked and abused and taken advantage of by the hedonistic asshole. The good guy comes in a distant third. Does this make them bad? No. It makes them a victim of their own making just because they want a better world; a world that the gods and nature intended. This could be a Garden of Eden but humanity has made it a living Hell. No one can believe in the ultimate good in people and still come out on even ground. Why? Because there is no ultimate good in people anymore. If there is, they have it buried so far down that it will never see the light of day unless it will get them something they want.

Lies, deceit and betrayal are the norm today. People will tell you they love you, that you are their friend, then go to another and downgrade you and betray your secrets that you thought were safe. You put everything into that relationship just have it be thrown back into your face and your heart torn out because they can’t be bothered to even talk to you anymore unless you go to them personally to talk. They don’t come by ‘just because’ any more and actually avoid you if at all possible. Yet, they will say, “Nothing is wrong. Nothing has changed.” Why? Because they may be able to use you again if they keep you half way happy with their bull shit. That is the way things are today.

For every cloud there is supposed to be a silver lining. If this were true, then all the victims that have been tortured by their own hearts would end up happily ever after living the life they dreamed of. As it is, those are the ones that end up alone and bitter because they finally realize that this world is alien to them and their way of life; a life of caring, a life of commitment and a life of loyalty. That kind of living is a thing of the distant past thanks to the greed and treachery of the attitude of give-me and ‘take what I can and give nothing in return.’ There is no silver lining and those clouds, well, they are the worst storm ever to be set upon the face of the Earth and there is nowhere to hide from that storm if you are ‘the good guy’ that is trying to live the way nature intended.

I write a lot about relationships and people in general. My viewpoints are solidly explained, I think. A person might wonder, though, exactly where I am in my own life that I write such dribble about things that normally would be written by some sappy advice columnist in the daily paper. Each of my posts, each time I write, every letter and every word that comes out is from my own life. You only have to actually read the words, put the sentences together and look upon the story with an open mind instead of a closed, judgmental mindset to fully understand what I say. The only thing that I will not do is put anything down that is so personal as to be harmful to anyone. I have done that one time and will not do it again unless I feel the need to. The people that are my most prized companions, my children and my comrades-in-arms, I will protect above all else. I will write about things without specifics when it comes to these people but that is as close as I will come. Just realize that every bit of ‘wisdom’ that comes out of my twisted mind is from experience and, in the words of the great Sherrilyn Kenyon, “Most good judgement comes from experience, most experience comes from bad judgment” 

I have cared about a lot of people throughout my life, people that wouldn’t pish down my throat if I were dying of thirst. Almost everyone that I have ever gone out of my way to help has turned on me in one way or another. Yet, here I am, still wearing that open heart on my sleeve for all to see that I am open for abuse and to be taken advantage of. I am that victim of my own making because I am that person that will do for others before himself. I am that person that believes it doesn’t matter who the other one is as long as the love between you is honest and loyal and committed (although I must state that I am STILL waiting for that call from Halle Berry). I am that one that has been betrayed, lied about, persecuted, used and ridiculed. I am the one that has become a victim of my own making because I have always believed in the ultimate good in people.

I have loved with everything that is in me to have that thrown back in my face and left alone in the empty desert of emotional devastation. Even today, knowing what I have been through in the past, I will still reach out to help the underdog, I will still give my heart to someone that I believe is worthy. My world is built around my children but there are those that I love more than life itself that I will venture into the deepest pits of Tartarus for even though they don’t return that to me. Age and sex have nothing to do with the emotional make-up of a person. The people that are the most important to me are just that, important, and it doesn’t matter where they put me in their lives. I have to let them be who they are, let them do what they must because they think that is what they want. It doesn’t matter that I can see the folly of their ways and where it is leading and I have rarely been wrong in my assumptions on these things. The important thing for them to know is that no matter what, no matter where they go or what they do, they are always welcomed home and I await the day they realize what they have thrown away for that day of fun that will end in their own hearts being broken.

This has been my life. Caring and having my heart ripped out through my throat, gutted and left for dead along a lonely stretch of backroad. It has been my own doing as I have always pushed those closest to me away. Unconscious fear of being too close, needed too much, having someone know me that well must be the reasoning behind it but I have realized, well too late, that there is that time that the loneliness overwhelms the soul and only one person can fill the empty space left dark until a light is turned on by that special someone. I have thought several times that I had found my soul-mate just to find that they were nothing more than a façade and a falsehood. But, years spent and countless hours of being together makes one look at something differently. It’s like the boy and girl that have been best friends since childhood and finally realize after high school that they are really in love with each other.

If you look at someone, honestly, and see their inner soul, that thing that makes them who they are, that is when you know whether they are good or bad for you. Some will turn a blind eye to the bad, to the abuse, to the hedonistic attitude and the fact that this person is actually just using you because you have a loyalty to them simply because you have known them since childhood. Once again in the words of the great Sherrilyn Kenyon, “The depth and strength of our character is defined by our moral code. People only reveal themselves when they're thrown out of the usual conditions of their lives. That's when the truth of who they are is revealed...” I have been there. I have put loyalty and faith in some that showed a façade of caring only to find that they were simply low-life baw-jawers out to get what they could from me. Most of these are no longer in my life though I still care about them. Some no longer live anywhere near me but I still wish them great success in their lives. Some even want to come back but I am more than disinclined to acquiesce to their requests simply because, even though I still care, they do not have the trust they once had from me.

Some would say I am pulling the 'pity-me' card. If pouring forth what is rampaging through my twisted mind and entertaining thoughts of how my emotions are in turmoil is asking anyone for pity, then so be it. That is not what I intend. Then again, intentions don't matter. It is what is perceived by the audience that matters and if my readers think I am asking for pity, I now ask for their understanding that it is not pity I ask for. This is only my venue of releasing the pent up emotions that torment my mind and heart on a daily basis. These are my rants and ravings. I write of these so if there may be someone out there going through something similar, they know they are not alone, that there is someone else that wears the same mantle as they. When there is emptiness in the soul, when loneliness fills the nights, the thought that there are others inflicted with the same torment, it somehow comforts the mind if only in some small way. That is all that my intentions are, nothing more. If there is more to what I have to say, if what I write is actually a subtle way of informing any specific person, I will let that person know as I have in the past. Until then, my dear readers, enjoy the literary trash that spews forth from my keyboard and if I can help you get through some tragedy in your life, some hurt that you are going through, then I have done something worthwhile.