The World of Today and Other Musings About My Life

From the beginnings of time it has been this way. Greed, envy, jealousy, treachery and betrayal have ruled over humanity. The egotism and arrogance of man has always been the driving force of humankind. As technology increases and as more and more people populate the Earth these emotions also increase and become more and more prevalent. People want what they can’t have and/or don’t need and will do anything to get those things. Common courtesy and common sense are far from common in this day and age as more and more people think only of themselves and what they want. The most common way of thinking and behaving is hedonistic. If someone does think of others before him/herself or goes out of their way to help another it is looked upon as something that should be taken advantage of or even outlawed.

When it comes to matters of the heart the same rules apply. It doesn’t matter how much a person cares about another, how much has been invested into a relationship or how much one leaving could destroy the other, it takes nothing for a relationship to end other than one thinks he/she has been wronged and/or someone else seems to be better than the one you have. To use a very old cliché – The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. The problem with that is it only appears to be greener for a short time then it fades to the same as what was before. This is the age of instant gratification and throw-a-aways. We have become so enlightened that nothing is right unless it follows a rigid standard that only the one thinking it knows exactly what that standard is.

Throughout history and throughout nature nothing is either right or wrong but the thinking makes it so and survival of the fittest. In today’s world it is everything is wrong unless it follows a strict path of the ‘norm’ and the strongest are forced to care for the weakest. Public opinion rule the actions of the individual to the point that no one is actually happy or even content and most actually live in a constant state of fear whether they realize it or not. Fear that someone will look down on them, fear that they will get into trouble for something, fear that they won’t be able to survive another day and so on.

Up until the advent of Christianity, the human race believed ‘if it feels good do it as long as no one gets hurt.’ Paganism believes ‘do as you will but harm none.’ Politicians and clergymen today preach tolerance and empathy while condemning and ridiculing those that don’t believe the way they do. They do as much harm as they can to anyone that doesn’t believe the way they do and the gods forbid that anyone should actually be totally happy living the way they want as long as they don’t bother anyone else. Everyone, it seems, must judge those that don’t think or feel the way everyone else does. Most are jealous of anyone else’s happiness and must take it away.

This attitude continues onto the highways and byways of America. Every day people in the cars prove that stupidity reigns supreme. A person will break any and all laws they have to just to get one car length farther ahead or to pass that semi-truck. Gods forbid that anyone, even one that can kill you because of your stupidity, get ahead of you or stay in front of you because you have nowhere to be and you have to get there first. Gods forbid that the truck that feeds America should be allowed to continue on his way to his destination without being harassed, cut off, slowed down or in some other way hindered from doing a thankless job for the masses that want what they don’t need.

I, myself, am against any illegal drug use. That being said, I can understand why all these kids seems to gravitate toward smoking week and indulging in other hallucinogenic and other mind altering drug use. They can’t cope with all the idiocy going on around them. Everything that they could do to have fun is against the law. They can’t congregate in a public place because they are doing something that ‘might’ be illegal. They can’t go to parks after a certain hour because those publicly owned parks close. They can’t go to parking lots to skateboard or ride their bicycles because they ‘might’ be doing something illegal. They can’t ‘scoop the loop’ because they are doing something illegal. All the time the justice system has become the crowning glory of corruption and doing the same thing that they incarcerate people for. Should weed be made legal? I think so simply because it is no worse than alcohol as long as it is regulated the same as alcohol. Even though alcohol can damage a person’s liver and brain function and can become addictive, other harder drugs should not be legalized. Maybe cocaine should. It used to be. In small quantities it is a pain reliever and was, at one time, used as such and is no more addictive than any of the legal pain relievers put out by the pharmaceutical companies now that are endorsed by the FDA.

Let’s revisit an old friend shall we? Let’s take a look at relationships. For millennia it was common for people to love and partner with whomever. It didn’t matter the sex or the age. Granted, before the advent of modern day enlightenment, children were much more mature at a much younger age. As much information that is crammed down the throats of today’s youth, they do not mature nearly as fast as they did even a hundred years ago. They seem to be ‘children’ much longer, sometimes into their twenties. In ancient Greece and Rome, in Europe during the Middle Ages, across the globe throughout history people loved who they wanted without being judged or condemned. Since our great Enlightenment of the Twentieth Century this has all gone by the wayside. Now, in today’s world that is full of self-centered, egotistical, arrogant, judgmental chanty wrasslers, you have to have a relationship only with a certain age group and sex. There are no more concubines or squires, only in the Catholic church where the altar boys seem to be the ‘target’ and ‘victim’ of those nasty people called priests that lead the people to Heaven by making them pay for their tickets by way of ‘donating’ to the church.

Up until the Great Enlightenment, people worked to keep their relationships together. Every couple has problems. Every pair have disagreements. The difference between then and now is that now, when something doesn’t suit you, you throw the relationship away instead of making it work. The Royals still have their ‘flings’ because that is the way it has been for centuries. Only Charles and Dianna actually broke tradition and Dianna died because of it. Kings have had wives and squires since the beginning of civilization. Bed warmers, ‘boy-toys,’ lovers and companions, there are as many ways to describe these partners as there are people. The majority of highly intelligent beings have had same-sex lovers since before recorded history. These same intellectuals had more than one lover of the opposite sex. These have been men, and women, such as Madame Curie, Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci, J. Edgar Hoover, Oscar Wilde and Abraham Lincoln just to name a few. Today, even though the government in the United Social States of America has passed laws for it, same sex relationships are condemned as wrong because of one thing – the Christian church says it is. That is the ONLY reason.

Since the advent of Christianity we have had rules and laws and ways of thinking crammed down our throats. If you don’t think this way, if you don’t act that way, if you don’t believe this and that you are going to suffer an eternity of torment. Today’s laws are based on Christian belief. Why? What makes one belief so much better than another? Why is this one religion the only ‘right’ one? Christianity was born two thousand years ago in the middle of nowhere. It forced its way into the lives of everyone whether they wanted it or not. Wars have been fought and millions killed because of it. It is the only religion that forces itself into the lives of everyone. Paganism believes in tolerance and peace. Greek and Roman ‘mythology’ had their gods that controlled everything but they didn’t force their beliefs on anyone. So why is Christianity the ONLY correct religion? Because that is what those in control wanted. The best form of control over a people is fear and by god the Bible put fear into the people’s hearts and minds.

The biggest fear that Christianity put into the people was the fear of loving another person unconditionally no matter who that person was. A Christian puts God above all others, then your spouse, then your children and then your country. That is not the natural way of being. To be human, to be happy, to be real, is to love that special someone, no matter who or what they are, unconditionally above all others. True happiness comes from loving and being loved without restraint or condemnation. It doesn’t matter if that someone is the opposite sex or the same sex. It doesn’t matter if that someone is the same age or there are years between you. Nature, in all its fantastic omniscient glory knows this. Humanity has its own agenda and that is control over everyone else and to force an unnatural way of thinking into all those that would be happy being who they are.

 In today’s world, as cruel and crazy as it is, people are more interested in their own pleasure to worry about what they are doing to anyone else. The hedonistic way of thinking is the norm. “I’m gonna be with you, swear my undying love and loyalty, until the ends of the earth. That is until I find someone that can give me more or you piss me off.” Love and loyalty are things of the past. There is no loyalty nor is there commitment on a long term scale. It is all temporary. Thank you to the powers that be for that, whatever or whomever those powers are. Friendships are there only until another catches your fancy. Lovers are there only until another seems to be better. Family is only there to take from. All a relationship is, whether family, friend or lover, to anyone is what they can get out of it and when the giving is not up to their expectations, the relationship is over.

For some, the unlucky ones, the heart is broken into a thousand pieces over and over because they know that the only happiness is truly loving someone and giving their all to that person, even when that person doesn’t deserve it. The person that gives their all, goes out of their way to be the person they know they should be, is the one that is kicked and abused and taken advantage of by the hedonistic asshole. The good guy comes in a distant third. Does this make them bad? No. It makes them a victim of their own making just because they want a better world; a world that the gods and nature intended. This could be a Garden of Eden but humanity has made it a living Hell. No one can believe in the ultimate good in people and still come out on even ground. Why? Because there is no ultimate good in people anymore. If there is, they have it buried so far down that it will never see the light of day unless it will get them something they want.

Lies, deceit and betrayal are the norm today. People will tell you they love you, that you are their friend, then go to another and downgrade you and betray your secrets that you thought were safe. You put everything into that relationship just have it be thrown back into your face and your heart torn out because they can’t be bothered to even talk to you anymore unless you go to them personally to talk. They don’t come by ‘just because’ any more and actually avoid you if at all possible. Yet, they will say, “Nothing is wrong. Nothing has changed.” Why? Because they may be able to use you again if they keep you half way happy with their bull shit. That is the way things are today.

For every cloud there is supposed to be a silver lining. If this were true, then all the victims that have been tortured by their own hearts would end up happily ever after living the life they dreamed of. As it is, those are the ones that end up alone and bitter because they finally realize that this world is alien to them and their way of life; a life of caring, a life of commitment and a life of loyalty. That kind of living is a thing of the distant past thanks to the greed and treachery of the attitude of give-me and ‘take what I can and give nothing in return.’ There is no silver lining and those clouds, well, they are the worst storm ever to be set upon the face of the Earth and there is nowhere to hide from that storm if you are ‘the good guy’ that is trying to live the way nature intended.

I write a lot about relationships and people in general. My viewpoints are solidly explained, I think. A person might wonder, though, exactly where I am in my own life that I write such dribble about things that normally would be written by some sappy advice columnist in the daily paper. Each of my posts, each time I write, every letter and every word that comes out is from my own life. You only have to actually read the words, put the sentences together and look upon the story with an open mind instead of a closed, judgmental mindset to fully understand what I say. The only thing that I will not do is put anything down that is so personal as to be harmful to anyone. I have done that one time and will not do it again unless I feel the need to. The people that are my most prized companions, my children and my comrades-in-arms, I will protect above all else. I will write about things without specifics when it comes to these people but that is as close as I will come. Just realize that every bit of ‘wisdom’ that comes out of my twisted mind is from experience and, in the words of the great Sherrilyn Kenyon, “Most good judgement comes from experience, most experience comes from bad judgment” 

I have cared about a lot of people throughout my life, people that wouldn’t pish down my throat if I were dying of thirst. Almost everyone that I have ever gone out of my way to help has turned on me in one way or another. Yet, here I am, still wearing that open heart on my sleeve for all to see that I am open for abuse and to be taken advantage of. I am that victim of my own making because I am that person that will do for others before himself. I am that person that believes it doesn’t matter who the other one is as long as the love between you is honest and loyal and committed (although I must state that I am STILL waiting for that call from Halle Berry). I am that one that has been betrayed, lied about, persecuted, used and ridiculed. I am the one that has become a victim of my own making because I have always believed in the ultimate good in people.

I have loved with everything that is in me to have that thrown back in my face and left alone in the empty desert of emotional devastation. Even today, knowing what I have been through in the past, I will still reach out to help the underdog, I will still give my heart to someone that I believe is worthy. My world is built around my children but there are those that I love more than life itself that I will venture into the deepest pits of Tartarus for even though they don’t return that to me. Age and sex have nothing to do with the emotional make-up of a person. The people that are the most important to me are just that, important, and it doesn’t matter where they put me in their lives. I have to let them be who they are, let them do what they must because they think that is what they want. It doesn’t matter that I can see the folly of their ways and where it is leading and I have rarely been wrong in my assumptions on these things. The important thing for them to know is that no matter what, no matter where they go or what they do, they are always welcomed home and I await the day they realize what they have thrown away for that day of fun that will end in their own hearts being broken.

This has been my life. Caring and having my heart ripped out through my throat, gutted and left for dead along a lonely stretch of backroad. It has been my own doing as I have always pushed those closest to me away. Unconscious fear of being too close, needed too much, having someone know me that well must be the reasoning behind it but I have realized, well too late, that there is that time that the loneliness overwhelms the soul and only one person can fill the empty space left dark until a light is turned on by that special someone. I have thought several times that I had found my soul-mate just to find that they were nothing more than a façade and a falsehood. But, years spent and countless hours of being together makes one look at something differently. It’s like the boy and girl that have been best friends since childhood and finally realize after high school that they are really in love with each other.

If you look at someone, honestly, and see their inner soul, that thing that makes them who they are, that is when you know whether they are good or bad for you. Some will turn a blind eye to the bad, to the abuse, to the hedonistic attitude and the fact that this person is actually just using you because you have a loyalty to them simply because you have known them since childhood. Once again in the words of the great Sherrilyn Kenyon, “The depth and strength of our character is defined by our moral code. People only reveal themselves when they're thrown out of the usual conditions of their lives. That's when the truth of who they are is revealed...” I have been there. I have put loyalty and faith in some that showed a façade of caring only to find that they were simply low-life baw-jawers out to get what they could from me. Most of these are no longer in my life though I still care about them. Some no longer live anywhere near me but I still wish them great success in their lives. Some even want to come back but I am more than disinclined to acquiesce to their requests simply because, even though I still care, they do not have the trust they once had from me.

Some would say I am pulling the 'pity-me' card. If pouring forth what is rampaging through my twisted mind and entertaining thoughts of how my emotions are in turmoil is asking anyone for pity, then so be it. That is not what I intend. Then again, intentions don't matter. It is what is perceived by the audience that matters and if my readers think I am asking for pity, I now ask for their understanding that it is not pity I ask for. This is only my venue of releasing the pent up emotions that torment my mind and heart on a daily basis. These are my rants and ravings. I write of these so if there may be someone out there going through something similar, they know they are not alone, that there is someone else that wears the same mantle as they. When there is emptiness in the soul, when loneliness fills the nights, the thought that there are others inflicted with the same torment, it somehow comforts the mind if only in some small way. That is all that my intentions are, nothing more. If there is more to what I have to say, if what I write is actually a subtle way of informing any specific person, I will let that person know as I have in the past. Until then, my dear readers, enjoy the literary trash that spews forth from my keyboard and if I can help you get through some tragedy in your life, some hurt that you are going through, then I have done something worthwhile.