"Now Is The Time For All Good Men To Come To The Aid Of Their Country"

“Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.” A phrase any typing student knows well. Where did it come from? From what I have gleaned from the almighty internet is this: The original phrase came from Patrick Henry as, “Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their party.” Then, again, I also found that it was nothing more than a phrase from Charles Keller, a typing teacher. Either way, it makes for a resounding cry to any patriotic person from any nation.

Phrases from the past, from such noble historical figures such as Patrick Henry, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela, Malcolm X, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Margaret Thatcher, Winston Churchill, William Wallace, Robert Bruce, Plato, Socrates, Alexander the Great, etc., are fodder for anyone wanting to incite patriotism, energy, fanaticism, or even common sense from a group of people. (Wow! That was a long sentence.) These, as were all great historical figures, were people worth quoting. These were great men and women that accomplished great things. But, does it really take quoting a great historical figure to bring everyday people into the fold?

What about those people that are normal, every day, working-class people that have a good head on their shoulders? I have had people give good advice that no one has ever heard of. Some of the best knowledge comes from those that don’t have a college degree, that may not even have a high school diploma. I knew a man once that hadn’t even finished the eighth grade that had more common sense and usable knowledge that it was incredible. I would have traded all my formal education for a fraction of his ‘street smarts.’

You see, it isn’t education that makes a person smart. It is the knowledge gained from life that counts. A college degree shows that you have formal education in a certain area. You may know accounting forward and backward, or engineering, or political science, or medicine and not have an ounce of common sense. As an example, just look at Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Here is a woman that supposedly graduated quite high in her class from a major college with a degree in economics. When she opens her mouth, what comes out shows that she has absolutely no idea about real life, history, or common sense. I actually feel sorry for her at times. I’m not AOC bashing. I am using her as a great example of how formal education means nothing when it comes to living.

I have a friend that turned me on to a certain author. He brought over a book and told me that he thought I might like it. I’d never heard of this author, but I read it. It was a great read. Since that time, I have bought almost every book this author has written. Why? I have read this woman’s words because she writes about life, about how hard it can be, about how anyone can overcome any obstacle if they just persevere. “Over, under, through, or around. There is always a way.” The funny thing about it is that when I went to Barnes and Noble to buy her books, I found them in the – ROMANCE section. I’ve never read romance novels. I was surprised, to say the least.

Wondering who that author is, are you? Well, let me say this: this woman has had a hard life, she was abused as a child and as a wife, she is dyslexic, she came from a poor family, she has attained wealth and fame in spite of all she had against her. In her novels, she writes of overcoming adversity and betrayal. “We are nothing more than life’s whipping boys, but we continue to fight because of the ones we love.” Through her characters, she tells a story of how a person can be more than what the believe; that life isn’t fair but that, no matter what, we must continue to live, and things will get better.

The author: Sherrilyn Kenyon. Her books: The Chronicles of Nick, The League, The Dark-Hunters, The Dream Hunters, and The Belador Series.

Here is an example of how an everyday person can inspire anyone. This is not an advertisement for Ms. Kenyon or her books, although I do recommend them to everyone. This woman has overcome great hardship to achieve great things. She isn’t a great political figure, social justice figure, community organizer, or historical figure. She is just a common woman with a story to tell. Throughout her books are life lessons worth learning; especially in the Chronicles of Nick series.

You see, there are people that haven’t gained notoriety that are quite knowledgeable in life. Some of these people have little formal education. It is LIFE that teaches us the most. If you don’t have some form of common sense, then life will beat you down. That is the problem in today’s world: all it takes is a lot of money or knowing someone in power and you don’t have to worry about a lot. Look at any political party in any nation and you can see that common sense is not at the top of their agenda.

The days of patriotism, commitment, loyalty, and common sense are over. Today is the day of feelings; how a person feels about any given subject is what is important. What the individual wants is more important than what the community needs. Special interest gets the venue, not common-sense policy. It boils down to where politicians can gain more power; and it isn’t just here in the United States.

“Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.” A great quote, even if it is just a typing exercise. It’s just too bad that more people don’t take it to heart. This quote isn’t just about patriotism. It is about life. United we can achieve anything. Divided, we will fall to whatever comes along. Not just as a nation but, also, as normal, everyday people living together in a world that is hell-bent to destroy us.

Families need to get back to being families. Friends need to get back to being loyal and having each other’s backs. Communities need to get back to helping each other. “The good of the many outweighs the good of the few.” Too often the few demands more than the many can accommodate. When a minority’s wants are put before the needs of the majority it puts undue pressure on everyone. As can be seen in today’s world, minorities are fast becoming the influencers of policy regardless of the consequences of those policies. Political correctness is destroying the freedoms that every person should be enjoying. Families are no longer together, friends turn into enemies, communities become individuals hiding behind locked doors.

Maybe that great quote should be changed just a little. Maybe, instead of ‘the nation,’ or ‘the party,’ it should read, “Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their neighbors, their families, their friends.” Whether it be local, state, national, or global, isn’t it time we came to the aid of those we care about? Isn’t it time we got out of the idea that the individual is more important than the community?

I’m not talking about opening our borders to anyone and everyone that wants to come to the US. I’m not talking about the working people paying more and more taxes to support those that are unwilling to support themselves. I’m not talking about giving up inalienable rights because of another becoming offended. I’m talking about making sure that those inalienable rights are available to everyone wherever they are. Maybe if the people of the world would just let each individual be who they are it would be a better place to live. Let the LBGT community be gay. Let the hunters hunt. Let the vegans eat their veggies while the omnivores eat whatever they want. Let people worship the way they please without demanding the oppression of other’s beliefs. Don’t demand that everyone think and believe the way you do.

It’s a big world that is becoming smaller every day. There are a lot of people living on this little rock in space. As the Beatles once said, “Let it be.”

Relationships Today: Just a Little Advice

I think I’m going to do something a little different this weekend. Instead of something really controversial like politics or religion I’m going to delve into the realm of relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, who am I to give out advice on something that I can’t even keep together? In answer to that question I will reply that I am very experienced in what NOT to do. After being married three times, three times divorced, having children with all three, I would like to think that I have a pretty good idea of what is going on. I may be wrong on that but I’m going to go with it anyway.

I got married the first time when I was twenty and she was eighteen. She wanted away from home and I wanted someone there. Trust me when I say that when a relationship is built like that it will never work out. Two years later, after she and I were separated, along came a beautiful baby girl. Was I ready to be a parent in any way, shape or form? Not on your life. Thank the gods that my ex-wife was a hell of a lot more mature than I was. My daughter grew to be a fantastic woman with children of her own that have grown into pretty great young people. When my daughter was around three I surrendered parental rights and let her step-dad adopt her. I thought I was doing the right thing.

Relationship number two, that ended in marriage and divorce, came along a few years later when I was 27. I met this girl while I was servicing a truck where I worked. I was covered in grease and oil and this cute little thing came wandering into the shop and started complaining about being stood up by some sop that had made a movie date with her. As it ended up my buddy and I got cleaned up and we both took her to the drive in movie. It was a triple feature that I have no idea what was playing. We talked through the whole damn thing. My buddy? He sat along the wall of the drive in bored out of his mind.

This girl had a three year old boy that was adorable. He came to me one day and asked if I minded if he called me ‘Dad.’ My heart melted. After we got married I adopted him. He was a great kid and I love him as much as if he was my own blood. But, once again, the fates decided that this wasn’t the one, either. We fought constantly about everything. I was a jealous SOB and she was an eighth Crow Indian and had an evil streak that made her want to stir me up.

I was working for Schwan’s at the time and came home one night to a note on the pillow. Yeah! Can you believe that old cliché? I wasn’t sober for about three or four months. I quit working for Schwan’s and went back to real trucking.

Number three was a few months later. I picked her up in a truck stop where she was hitch hiking. It was in Columbia, MO and she was trying to get to Minneapolis. You just don’t get from the middle of Missouri to southern Minnesota very easily. I gave her ride from there to Indiana and then back to Des Moines and put her on a truck headed to Minneapolis. A couple of months later she was back and in the truck with me.

To make this story shorter, in the ten years we were together we moved from Des Moines to Portland, my beautiful baby daughter was born four months after her mother turned eighteen and my son was born two and half years later. My boy was born in New York while I was still in Portland, OR. Yeah, I’m a dick and she thought I wasn’t paying enough attention to her so she took my daughter across the country for a year. She came back to Portland and then we moved around the country while I was trucking again. We ended up in Fremont, NE where it finally came to an end.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Every time I got married it was forever but, there is that little problem of me being a dick. When I got together with the last one I told her that I didn’t own her and she didn’t own me; as long as my children were taken care of she did what she wanted and I was not going to change my lifestyle of trucking. I didn’t cheat on her. I am NOT that kind of driver. I am loyal to a fault and once committed that is all she wrote. No.3 and I never fought until that last night when she walked out on me and the kids.

Throughout all three of these relationships there is one common denominator: my attitude that I was not owned by anyone and I was going to do what I wanted regardless. Don’t get me wrong, I did my best to take care of my family and my children are my world. That was probably the biggest thing, I paid more attention to my kids than the other half. Not the best way to keep a relationship together.

In any relationship it has to be a two way street. It cannot just go one way. Give and take and if you give a little more than you take then it will, more than likely, stay together; if there is any chance that one is taking more than the other it will end in disaster. Communication is just as important. If you can’t talk things through, you get angry and go to bed that way, you will end up as bitter enemies. You have to be able to compromise in all things. And, this one is very important, if you try to change someone that you are with, you’ve lost. You didn’t fall in love with what you want to change them into. You fell in love with what they are.

In today’s world I’ve watched these kids from 14 to 20 do their utmost to get into a serious relationship and have kids. Stupidest thing they could do. These kids are just as immature as we were back in the 70’s but they think they are much more grown up. I throw down the BS card on that. These girls today think they can be moms at 14, 16, 18 years old. They can’t. And these boys won’t be ready to be dads until they reach about 30.

I’ve seen girls destroy boy’s lives because they didn’t get what they wanted, which was to have a baby, and then if they do get what they want, they destroy that poor boy’s life and her own. Well, maybe not destroy but definitely make it exponentially harder. Life is NOT easier with a baby on your hip. When I was young and you had a child, that child was yours to take care of. Today, I constantly see posts on Facebook or hear girls cry because they need time off from their children. These girls seem to think that having a living child is like taking care of that stupid doll they have in high school independent living class. It isn’t.

Who is to blame for this social problem? I blame us. By ‘us’ I mean the parents of these children that think they are grown up at 14. We have become so complacent and relaxed in parenting that these kids are basically raising themselves. That doesn’t bring about morally adept children. They start sleeping with the opposite sex at 14 just to have someone to sleep next to. Next thing you know they’re doing the dirty with whoever it is next to them without protection and then, BAM, they’re pregnant and think they’re gonna get a Sony TV. Oh, sorry. That baby that is growing in there suddenly becomes one of two things: an income from a poor, unemployed teenaged boy and the government or, it’s an inconvenience and needs to be aborted.

My best advice to anyone from 14 to 25 – stay single, enjoy life, get set financially then start thinking about getting into a serious relationship. The world isn’t going to end if you don’t get serious with someone before you’re 30. Kids are wonderful gifts that require a LOT of work and a lot of money. Stay children for as long as you can. Being grown up is not as great as what it’s advertised to be. Life is hard enough by yourself and it isn’t any easier when you have others that you are responsible for. Relationships don’t last. I’ve known people that were married for decades that broke apart. Children aren’t mature enough to even know what love is much less what commitment and loyalty are. Most girls are out to get into a boy’s wallet and get a baby for an income. Boys are out to get their wedding tackle wet, period.

Those last two statements are generalities; there are those rare boys and girls that are actually loyal and true. If you can find one, keep them. The biggest problem is that those with good hearts, the loyal, are taken advantage of more often than not by those that are so immature that they can’t see beyond their own noses. Hedonism runs rampant in today’s world and that is the saddest thing that could ever happen. Dorian Grey is king; the only problem there is that these modern Dorian’s aren’t immortal.

Friends v Enemies

There is an old adage that says, “Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer.” In today’s world, do you really know who your friends really are? It is becoming increasingly more difficult to discern between friend and enemy.

A person used to know, beyond doubt, who would stand up for him or her and who would stab them in the back. Today, your most trusted ally may well be the one to place the knife between your ribs. Loyalty, commitment and friendship are all on a temporary scale. To find a true friend, one that would never betray you no matter what, is hard to find. As long as a person can use you, needs what you can do for them, you are their friend. As soon as that need is gone, when they no longer can use you, they turn on you and leave you in the dark.

That woman, or man, that means so much to you, that you love more than life, has no more respect or loyalty to you than they did for the person before you. Once again, to find someone that is permanent is rare. Divorce rates skyrocket while long-term relationships plummet. Women want a baby daddy; someone that will give them an income for the long term. As soon as she gets what she wants, she is done with you and on to the next man; all the while you are paying for her lifestyle.

That boy that tells you he loves you more than life is only playing a part just to get into you. If you become pregnant, you are history and that poor baby is forgotten about by his/her sperm donor. It isn’t about love anymore. It is all about lust and numbers. The more women he can get between the sheets the better man he is.

As friends, two people can be inseparable for a time, sharing everything from dreams to fears. All it takes is one disagreement and the friendship is gone. “If I show you the darkness within me, will you still think of me the same?” Most will not. If you show your darkness, your demons, most will turn and run away. Why? They run because they don’t want to have to deal with any kind of drama or conflict. Most people today are so hedonistic that they cannot see beyond their own noses. Only their wants and needs and desires matter. If you don’t cater to them, they leave.

You can give until there is nothing left to give to some people and when it’s gone, so are they. It is your fault that they have so little. It is your responsibility to supply them with what they want. A gentle, giving heart must set limits because the takers never will. They will take until nothing remains then they will move on to someone else that can give to them. It is a never ending cycle.

When you do find that one person that will have your back, no matter what, keep hold of them. If someone is willing to be there through thick and thin, through the demons coming out, for better or worse, that person is a jewel to be held onto, cherished. If you betray that person you are doing them, and yourself, a grave injustice. How so? By betraying them you have lost a treasure most will never find and you will have maybe damaged a kind soul to where they never will trust again.

Life is hard. Life is not fair. It has become a dog eat dog world and that, my friends, is the beginning of the end. When everyone must watch their backs to keep from having a blade stuck through it, then true commitments and loyalty will never be able to exist. Only alliances founded on mutual survival will remain. “My enemy’s enemy is my friend.” Like an alliance between Russia and the United States, it becomes nothing more than enemies bound by a common goal. Once the goal is reached, or is found to be unreachable, that alliance is gone and they are still enemies.

Once a person realizes that they are nothing more than the god’s whipping boy, all hope leaves and despair is all that remains. For those that always look for the good in everyone, it will be a hard life of betrayal after betrayal. There is good in each and every person on this planet. It is whether each one wants to let that good out or keeps it buried deep inside so as not to be taken for granted. Instead of ‘do unto other as you would have done unto you,’ it has become ‘do unto other before they do unto you.’ That is why the good is buried in so many.

Greed, lust, gluttony, vanity, envy, sloth and wrath, the seven deadly sins rule this world. Hedonism is king. Chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility, the seven virtues are a thing of the past or are to be taken advantage of. The two have to coexist to keep a balance on good and evil. Today, the balance is tipped in favor of the sins whereas, in the past, the virtues were more important. What has caused this change in the balance of power?

In days gone by, religion and morality were more important than personal feelings. It was taboo to have sex before you were married and even more so to have a baby out of wedlock. Charity started at home because taking care of your own meant your survival. Respect for your elders and those in authority kept you from becoming an outcast in society. Conservatism was necessary to stay alive and prosper.

Today, it is vogue to have babies before marriage, even encouraged. Sex is encouraged at a young age as sex education and contraceptives are handed out to preteens in school. Our children are taught to think only of themselves when it comes to feelings and desires. They are also taught that to be righteous and moral they must give to those less fortunate no matter whom that may be. Liberalism is the only right way to think.

The difference between liberalism and conservatism is this: liberalism today is communism at worst and socialism at best. Why do I say that? ‘From each according to his ability to each according to his wants and needs’ is what liberalism wants. Wealth redistribution in the form of taxing the rich more and giving that money to the less fortunate, whether they work for it or not.

Conservatism today is a capitalist society. ‘You don’t work, you don’t eat.’ If you put in an honest day’s work, you get paid an honest day’s wage. You are responsible for your own actions and welfare. If you need assistance, it will be given but if you are able, but refuse, to be a productive member of society, you deserve no help.

Why did I put those two paragraphs in at this point? Because it gives the difference between how things were and how they are. When conservatism was reigning, friends were friends, loyalty and commitment meant something and morality was important. Today, liberalism reigns and people are against each other and only think of themselves.

We no longer have to struggle to actually survive. We struggle to survive our wants but not our needs. Yes, there are homeless and hungry people, even here in one of the wealthiest nations on Earth but, for the most part, people are taken care of. It’s not like we have to go out and hunt our food and make clothes out of the hides of what we kill. If we need food, there are welfare or food banks. If we need shelter there is welfare and missions. Society is called upon to supply to those in need. Our struggles are to support our wants, our greed, and our gluttony. Because we no longer have to struggle, our battles are now against each other. We take from those that are willing to give because we want what they have. We ingratiate ourselves to the kind, gentle, giving souls just to stab them in back once we are done with them.

If society continues in this fashion how long do you think that humanity will survive? Soon, very soon, we will once again become a feudal society and kill each other off as the ancient Celts, Normans, and Vikings did to those weaker than them. World population will decline to a few of the strongest. Those with money will have the protection of the castle while the weak will only have their hovels to hide in. Once the battles begin there will be no stopping them. Where will those takers and hedonists go then? Of course, to those that are kind and giving, if there are any of those left.

Hopefully, one day in the near future, conservatism, morality, loyalty and commitment will make a reappearance and become the norm replacing the hedonistic society that believes in the seven sins instead of the seven virtues. Hopefully.

Who Am I?

     Who am I? Is what I see actually me? Or is it just a ghost, a shadow of some long forgotten existence? If I am just a shadow, who is that long forgotten entity I am the remainder of; a hero, a jester, a knight or a knave? Could I have been a king or just a peasant; maybe a mighty wizard or a lowly apprentice? No matter who, or what I was, what remains of that person; the entire personality, core values, wants and needs or a mix of these things from that long forgotten man?

     Who am I? I have lived before, long ago in an age of danger and enchantment. A time when sorcerers held more sway in what happened than anyone, even a king. It was a time when dragons terrorized villages and castles without regard to human life.  But, who was I? My ‘now’ is the mirror image of my past. If this is true then I was nothing more than street trash, doing what had to be done to survive, no matter the cost to ego, self or reputation. I was a beggar, a thief, a sorry shadow of a human being willing to be whatever to whomever; a consort, a stable-hand, a soldier, a spy. I was as expendable as the morning chamber-pot. But, is that what I am now? Is that all I can ever be?

     Who am I? In this life, in this time, I have done whatever I needed to do to survive. I have been that beggar, that thief, stable-hand and soldier. My core values have been shredded more than once just so my family could survive. But, this is not everything. Those bygone days of yore left an indelible mark upon my soul; a mark that the gods of old branded me with so never to be released from my servitude. Zeus and Ganymede, Greek offerings, Egyptian ransoms and Roman perversions all are etched into my very soul.

     So who am I? I am a monster. An ambiguous sense of being that manifests nothing but harm to others simply for the enjoyment contrived thereof. A Kraken, a dragon, a vampire, a werewolf, all together in a man’s body, disguised as a moral human only to have the monster unleash its’ unholy terror when it feels compelled to do so. I am the bane of humanity. A curse placed upon this earth for the entertainment of gods long forgotten; Odin, Hel, Freya, Loki, Thor, Heimdall and a host of others, laughing and taunting me endlessly into the night and beyond.

     Instead of the question: Who am I? It should be asked: What am I? It is not feasible for an entity that is not human to be “who” but only a “what.” What I am, humanity does not recognize as being even close to human. I am a monster of such magnitude that if I were to unleash the totality of my horror the world would not survive. As it is, only a small fraction of a fraction is ever released at one time and that is more than the man can endure. The man is held captive by the monster for it needs a vessel for survival in this world.

     The man tears and strains against the bonds that hold him tethered to this hideous creature, only to find that even Fenrir could not break free from these bonds. Where is Tyr? Who will place their hand in the mouth of the Wolf now? Will the man be ever a slave to the monster or will the mighty gods of the Celts save him from his fate? The Norns are weaving and unweaving a life of misery, laughing at the suffering they cause. Oh, Frigg, save this mortal man, beseech the mercy of the All-Father so that the suffering might end.

     When two minds are battling for one space throughout eons, weariness overcomes the weaker and the stronger beholds victory. This battle is almost at an end. The monster has risen more frequently and more forcefully as time continues. I fear that what will become of the man is nothing more than a forgotten ghost, placed among those things no longer needed or believed in. The man will fade from existence and the monster will devour his soul and the hedonistic ways of evil will prevail. Woe to those who will behold the life left. Evil will prevail with no thoughts of family or friends. Only the desires of the creature will continue. No heed will be given to harm done to anyone or anything in its quest for the whim of pleasure, both physical and mental.

     I rue the day I am lost to this. The most foul of things from the darkest corners of Hades, the deepest pits of Tartarus could not contain the evil that will be set upon the earth. Neither foe, nor friend, will escape unscathed. Loved ones will turn to hate the man for all that will be done through him. They will not fathom the reason why he has turned away from good and just and right. Neither man, nor woman, will fail to catch his attention. Greek and Roman will prevail. Caligula, Augustus, Prometheus, all will bow to the deviant-ness of the creature.

     Behold the evil within us. All have it at their beck and call. Most keep it bound tightly, never allowing it a second of freedom. Once the freedom is tasted, it lusts after all it can acquire. Lust is all it knows. Both man and woman and yet, neither. It takes nothing more than a thought to provoke this part of the monster. A thought, a scent, a sight or even a memory can bring forth the desire of physical pleasure. Not just desire, but a need most powerful; a need not to be unfulfilled. This is the hedonist in the creature. This is what will destroy the man totally.

     Pleasure of the senses. Taste- only the finest mead, sound- only the most melodious of flutes, touch- naked flesh under the softest silk, sight-the most beautiful visions of man and nature and smell- only the odors of love will satiate the beast. This is what is to come of me. A man lost in a world unknown to him, yet, known.

     So, who am I? Just a man. A man hoping for forgiveness from those that may be harmed by the beast within. A man that knows he cannot fight the beast another day. A man who, as much as he tried, will fall to the whims of a mirthless god.

Love Will Make You Stupid

“Love will make you stupid. You won’t listen to anyone, not even your own common sense.” This is a quote from The Chronicles of Nick by the great Sherrilyn Kenyon. This woman, this writer, this genius, can articulate so well that most of her work of fiction can be used as everyday quotes.

I am using this one today because it has a relevance to what is going on in a couple of people’s lives that are very close to me. I will not divulge names, they know who they are, but I hope that they will read this and get a clue.

If a boy, or girl, is in a relationship, whether legally married or just ‘shackin’ up,’ they have made a commitment to their significant other to stay true to them. If said boy, or girl, decides that they no longer want to be with that person then they break up. If they are married, it takes a little more than just saying, “I’m leaving.” A divorce takes a little bit of time and a lot of money, especially if there are children involved. There are the two main types of relationships and each will be examined.

First is the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. That is where two people are basically just dating each other. They have made a promise to each other that they will stay true and not see other people. If one of them decides that the other isn’t what they want, they break up and find someone new. That is the easy one; unless they stay with their significant other and see one or more others on the side secretly. This is the way it seems to go these days. No one stays true to anyone. They say, “I love you and will forever,” but what they are actually saying is, “I’ll stay with you because I like what you do for me until I can find someone else that can do more.”

It seems that what kids, and some adults, want is to have someone to have sex with whenever they want while all the time playing the field. No commitment, no loyalty and no worries… until they get caught be their ‘main squeeze.’ It is then that they back-peddle and try to smooth things over and keep the one they know will be there all the time. Really? Are people that stupid? Yes they are.

Now we go to the married couple. One is not happy in the relationship for one reason or another, it really doesn’t matter what the reason is. Let’s say the man is cheating on his wife He will say that he’s working late, going out with the guys or some other lame excuse he knows his wife will accept. All the while, he is out with his girlfriend doing the dirty. The girlfriend is happy because she is getting what she wants – he tells her he loves her and that he will leave his wife and they will get married and live happily ever after.

Maybe it’s the wife that is cheating. She makes all kinds of excuses to go out on the town without her husband with the same results only with some boy. The thing here is that neither one is leaving their spouse while seeing someone else. Why, if they are so unhappy, do they not file for divorce, get the divorce and THEN start seeing someone? It doesn’t matter if a person is ‘legally separated’ from their spouse, they are still ‘legally married.’ They did not take the sacred vows of marriage seriously.

The major point to this rant is this: if a person is willing to cheat on their significant other, not take their promises or vows seriously and lie to that significant other then they have no sense of commitment or loyalty to anyone. If they are more than willing to go behind their significant other with someone they think, or that actually is, a good, decent person, what makes that good, decent person think for one minute that cheater won’t cheat on them? It is my opinion that they will. A person that is willing to cheat on their partner, no matter what the circumstances, they will cheat on the person they are cheating with.

Some will say, “Well, their wife/husband has beat on them, cheated on them, done this or that to them….etc.” That may well be. If it is that bad then get the divorce, break up, whatever… but get it done and over with before you go jumping in the sack with someone else.

I come from a time when commitment meant something. If you were taken, had a partner, you didn’t cheat for any reason. If there were problems you talked about them and fixed them; you didn’t throw away a relationship because you were tired of that person. If it was an abusive relationship then the family took care of it. Most, not all but most, abusive relationships are not that abusive and, a lot of the time, the one being abused has gotten the abuser so peeved as to not know what else to do. Through experience, I would have to say that if a man hits a woman (I do NOT condone this action) she has done him so wrong that he feels she deserves it. Usually she has cheated on him numerous times or complains about everything about him or tries to control him to the point of obsession or control freak abuse herself.

Some of my observations may not be the norm, some may be way off mark but, you have to understand that after half a century of studying people that I do have a little bit of experience with a lot of different social situations. Relationships are a dime a dozen anymore because they don’t last due to lack of morality and commitment. When it comes to other people I can usually tell you within minutes how they are with the person they are with, whether they are good or bad and whether they are sincere or fake. I just wish I could do it when it comes to my own life and relationships. In that respect I fail miserably.

Do We Really Control Our Own Destiny?

     There comes a time in everyone’s life when it is necessary to look back and consider all that has happened, both good and bad. It is then that we decide whether the good, or bad, out-weighs the other. If the good out-weighs the bad, then we have lived a good life and if the opposite, then our life has been less than exceptional. It is never too late to change how one’s life ends up as long as one is breathing. As Sherrilyn Kenyon said – “We are all writers of our lives. We can make our lives comedies or tragedies.” We have the control over our destinies. The Fates may weave, and unweave, our lives but we, alone, control our own destiny in a way that the Fates cannot change.

     It is true that there are certain things that occur in our lives that we cannot change, no matter how hard we try. The people we meet, the places we end up in and the end of our lives are all things that we cannot change, no matter what we do. The ins and outs of everyday life are what we control and that is where we make the difference. Our free will, our stupidity, is what makes our life good or bad. It isn’t the Fates that tell the criminal to rob or kill. It isn’t the Fates that tell the average person to decide to smoke that joint or snort that line. It is, however, the Fates that tell that person to love this man/woman, enter the military or to go to school to learn more. That is how they weave our lives. That is how, when in the end days, they unweave those lives.

     When our lives come to an end, and there is no changing that time, it is our decisions that determine how our life is ended. If we have lived a good life, did not break the law, did not do drugs or smoke or drink, then maybe it was the decision to go skiing on a dangerous mountain or to bungee jump or fly in a plane that is destined to crash. How we die is our choice, when we die is the decision of the Fates. It is the time from birth to that time of death that we control more than the Fates do. We make the day to day decisions that affect our lives, not the Fates.

     The ones that we fall in love with, what we end up doing for society and the people of the world, whether we are rich or poor, all these things are outside our influence. I know that there are those that will say everything that happens in our lives are our choices and, by and large, they are but there are those things that, no matter what we do, we have absolutely no control over. That is where our lives become a struggle; we fight what the Fates have set in stone for us. Even if we are doing what we think is best or what we want, if it is not in sync with our destiny, it becomes a chore. We may be having fun, we may think that we are happy, but it gets to where we sink deeper into an unconscious depression that will eat at us until we change course and get on the right path. This is where those that will say we choose our destinies are wrong because, even though we choose our day to day destinies, our life destinies are not ours to control.

     Whether you call it the Fates, the Norns or some other name, it is them that control our lives. We cannot fight what is already set in motion. You can beg the gods for whatever you desire from riches to lovers to whatever and if it is not in line with what the Fates have in store for you, it will not be yours. You may get that parking space you want on a daily basis, you may go to a place you don’t want to because that is what is on your mind, you may even win small amounts from the lottery if you believe hard enough but when it comes to the big stuff, making life changes, you may as well try telling your bedroom wall to move over a foot under its own power.

     I realize that I repeat a lot of what I say. This is not always intentional but there are those times that I do it for a reason. There are times that repetition is needed to get a point across well enough to be retained by the reader or listener. So if you don’t like the way I write, then read someone else’s blog. I don’t try to change people’s minds; I try to get people to look at things from a different angle, a different point of view. In other words, I try to get people to look at the world through open eyes and an open mind instead of a very narrow view and a closed mind. I hope I did my job.

Things I am Grateful For

     There are many things that a person should be thankful for in their lives. For every person there are different things, of course, but there are still those qualities, possessions, family members, friends or whatever else could possibly be in a life that should cause gratefulness to be shown. Each day a person should stop and reflect on those things and say a silent ‘Thank you’ to whatever deity they believe in. Do people do this? Some do, some don’t but all should. I am guilty of not showing my gratitude for all the things in my life as I should. I take a lot of it for granted as most do and don’t think anything about it. That is what this is all about; I want the gods to know that I am grateful for what I have. I can list a lot of things and still leave a lot out. I just think it is time that I start to say, “Thank the gods for what I have.”

     

     This is a small list, by far incomplete and definitely not in order from most to least.

        §  My sons and daughters- Jaquie, Michael, Jennifer and Andrew

        §  My closest friends- Julian, Sonya, Bob, Moses and Billy 

  §  My friends that aren’t around as much- Josh, Dianna, Springer, Alan, SherBear, Swainey and

           ·         Morgan, Debbie and her family and a host of others too numerous to list

        §  My extended family- brother and sisters, nieces and nephews, in-laws and out-laws

        §  My mother and my dad (my dad is gone but I am so thankful that I had him as long as I did)

        §  My health

        §  My home

        §  I have a job that pays the bills

        §  I have food to eat and the family does not go hungry

        §  I am a free man living in a still free country

        §  My education and intelligence gained throughout a lifetime of learning

        §  My children are healthy and happy

        §  My faith and beliefs

     I know that this is, by far, an incomplete list but these things are what I am most thankful for at this time. I thank the gods of Valhalla for all that I have and have had over the decades that I have been on this rock. I know that there are things that are coming my way, things that I need, or will need, and things that I want. All will manifest as it has been written and the Fates have woven into this life for me. For all this, and more, “Thank you.”

You're There for a Reason - Good or Bad

     There are people that will come into our lives at times that are there for one purpose or another. Actually, everyone comes into a person’s life for one reason or another. Whether it be for good, bad or indifferent, there is always a reason. Some are there for a very short time, others for longer and still others for a lifetime. There are, also, those that come into someone’s life to disappear then reappear later, sometimes weeks, months or even years. They, too, have a reason for being there, especially if it is a second or even third time.

     Most people, when they leave someone’s life, will give a reason. It could be that they were angry, disrespected, abused, following the crowd or otherwise influenced to leave. There is always a reason for them leaving. It could be that their job was done, whatever their job was at the time. Drifting apart is another reason. Over time people will follow their own paths that take them away. Through it all, though, the reason for them leaving is always pretty clear to both parties, most of the time.

     Then, there are those that leave for apparently no reason what-so-ever, or so it seems. They will say that nothing is wrong, they are vague about the whole thing or that they just want to do their own thing. All the while, the person left behind knows that there is more to the story than what is being said. Does it matter? Not in the least. You can’t control anyone but yourself and you definitely cannot control the actions, thoughts or emotions of another. If someone leaves your life without an obvious reason and they won’t let you know why, then it is on them. They don’t owe you anything.

     Let’s say that you have had a friend for years, even decades, that suddenly disappears from your life. What goes through your mind; what did I do, why are they gone, what can I do to get them back? All these questions and more usually go through the mind of the one left standing alone. You can try to find out but it won’t do any good, especially if the one that left doesn’t want to tell you. As for trying to get them back into your life, might as well try to talk the wall into moving over six inches under its own power. The more you try, the farther that person will move away from you.

     What makes it so bad is if that friend was someone really close to you, someone that you trusted with everything, and now won’t even try to talk to you about what is wrong with the relationship. When they will tell you things haven’t changed, nothing is wrong, they just want to do other things, you just can’t get the real reason out of them. They don’t want to tell you and they won’t. There is nothing you can do about it. It doesn’t matter how close you were, you aren’t anymore and the reason behind it is irrelevant. If they wanted you to know why they left you and the friendship behind, they would tell you. Is it fair? No, but no one said life was fair. Fair is something you pay a cabbie for a ride. Fair is somewhere you go to eat cotton candy and step in monkey poop. Fair has nothing to do with life.

     You are the master of your own destiny. As mi hijo always says, “Don’t let someone else control your life.” The only problem with that statement, that utterance of wisdom, is that when a person cares about someone, really cares, that person does control their emotions to a point. Only Spock can detach himself from all emotion and look at things totally logically. Oh, to be able to detach from emotion. Wouldn’t that be the way to go? If a person could be emotionally detached from everyone, what would they be like? Psychiatrists, therapists, human services workers, clergymen and even law enforcement would say that an emotionally detached person was mentally unstable. How could anyone not have emotions toward their fellow human beings?  The only problem with all those professionals is that they, themselves, are actually emotionally detached from humanity. They have to be to do their jobs, except for the clergy, they have to love everyone in a non-committal, platonic way unless you are an altar boy in the Catholic Church.

     When a couple get divorced after years, or decades, of marriage, who is the loser? There are always winners and losers. Unless it is a consensual parting, one party is usually devastated while the other goes out and parties their nights away having a great time. In this scenario, one is totally unhappy with the other for some reason only known to the hurt party. Let’s say Bob and Joyce have been together for thirty years. One day, Joyce comes into the kitchen while Bob is just leaving to his job and tells him that she is through, he will be hearing from her lawyer. Bob stutters and asks why she’s leaving and all she says is that she isn’t happy. Really? It took her thirty years to figure that out. Amazing. Bob is devastated because he didn’t know they were having problems and Joyce gets the house, the BMW, the kids, alimony and child support. Bob gets the shaft on top of his emotional distress. Joyce doesn’t understand why he’s upset in the least.

     Two friends, let’s say, Bill and Tom, have been friends for a long time, maybe since childhood. They do everything together and are best buds. They have shared their hopes and dreams, conquests and defeats and know as much about each other as two people can. One day, out of the blue, Tom just leaves. He doesn’t call or come by, when asked to hang out he’s got other things to do and refuses to give a reason. All he says is there is nothing wrong, he is doing other things and he is starting a new stage in his life. He’ll tell Bill he’ll stop by then doesn’t with the reason that he got distracted. He will tell Bill that he isn’t doing something anymore then goes out with others to do just that thing. Tom will hang out and do things with anyone but Bill. If Bill does see him, he has to go where Tom is working or otherwise tied down just to be able to talk to him in person. Is there a problem here? Of course there is. Will Tom let Bill know? Of course he won’t. Nothing is wrong, nothing has changed and everything is hunky-dorey, ok, fine, good. Bill knows differently but what can he do about it? Not a thing. Until Tom is ready to let the cat out of the bag and tell Bill what the problem is, Bill will be in the dark and hurting over the whole thing. And Tom will be sitting there wondering why Bill is devastated and not keeping on keeping on with his life like nothing has happened.

     This comes back to that emotional detachment. Joyce and Tom are emotionally detached from Bob and Bill. They couldn’t care less about what they are doing, or have done, to their significant other and friend. They can’t understand why the others don’t live their life as they always have despite the fact that an important part of their lives just disappeared without a reason or warning. Of course Joyce and Tom are happy, they knew what was coming, they know the reasons behind the actions and it doesn’t bother them one iota how the affected parties are hurt. They just don’t care; emotional detachment from humanity. Is that mental instability? Not really in these scenarios. It happens every day in every town in every state in every country. But, put someone out there that is emotionally detached from the beginning and that is something to worry about.

     So what does this have to do with a person coming into your life for a reason? Everything. Joyce came into Bob’s life, spent thirty years giving him support to succeed at his job, gave him children to carry on the bloodline and gave him someone to love. Tom was in Bill’s life to be a confidante, a partner-in-crime so to speak and someone that was there when no one else was when he needed someone the most. Why did they leave? Who knows? Was their job done that the gods and fates had for them? Only the gods and fates know that. Time heals all wounds as the old adage goes and after a time the pain turns to a dull ache and the longing turns into a distant memory. A lesson may have been learned or maybe the hurt party just turned into themselves and left humanity behind and became that emotionally detached psycho that the professionals worry about. It all depends on how emotionally attached they were to the ones that left. Some people never recover from a loss, others recover quite quickly. The bond between the two is the deciding factor. Or, maybe I should say the bond one felt for the other whether it was returned or not.

     Some would say that Bob and Bill would play the ‘pity-me’ card if they talked about their loss a lot. It isn’t that they would want pity. That would be downgrading to them. Not that there aren’t those that want people to pity them but most times it isn’t pity but understanding that the hurt party wants. They want to understand what happened and why. They want to know what happened between them and they are hoping that someone can give them some kind of answers. They are still completely attached to the one that left until those answers come; until they can understand the loss. Until that time, the emptiness in their souls cry out in agony, demanding attention and logic does not come into the equation like is has for the ones that left. To them it was only logical to do what they did and their emotional detachment won’t let them think any more about it and the hurt party is in the wrong for ‘clinging’ or not accepting what happened.

     The two most opposite things in the world are logic and emotion. Unlike love and hate, which are almost the same thing, logic and emotion are on the extreme opposite ends of the spectrum. It takes both to be a well-rounded human being but it is almost impossible for the two to work in tandem for most people. Any scenario is either a logical one or an emotional one with one of two outcomes. It will either work out or someone will be destroyed because of what is happening. If you find yourself in a situation such as this, don’t be the emotionally detached automaton, let the other one know why, give reasons not excuses. It could save a life.

The World of Today and Other Musings About My Life

From the beginnings of time it has been this way. Greed, envy, jealousy, treachery and betrayal have ruled over humanity. The egotism and arrogance of man has always been the driving force of humankind. As technology increases and as more and more people populate the Earth these emotions also increase and become more and more prevalent. People want what they can’t have and/or don’t need and will do anything to get those things. Common courtesy and common sense are far from common in this day and age as more and more people think only of themselves and what they want. The most common way of thinking and behaving is hedonistic. If someone does think of others before him/herself or goes out of their way to help another it is looked upon as something that should be taken advantage of or even outlawed.

When it comes to matters of the heart the same rules apply. It doesn’t matter how much a person cares about another, how much has been invested into a relationship or how much one leaving could destroy the other, it takes nothing for a relationship to end other than one thinks he/she has been wronged and/or someone else seems to be better than the one you have. To use a very old cliché – The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. The problem with that is it only appears to be greener for a short time then it fades to the same as what was before. This is the age of instant gratification and throw-a-aways. We have become so enlightened that nothing is right unless it follows a rigid standard that only the one thinking it knows exactly what that standard is.

Throughout history and throughout nature nothing is either right or wrong but the thinking makes it so and survival of the fittest. In today’s world it is everything is wrong unless it follows a strict path of the ‘norm’ and the strongest are forced to care for the weakest. Public opinion rule the actions of the individual to the point that no one is actually happy or even content and most actually live in a constant state of fear whether they realize it or not. Fear that someone will look down on them, fear that they will get into trouble for something, fear that they won’t be able to survive another day and so on.

Up until the advent of Christianity, the human race believed ‘if it feels good do it as long as no one gets hurt.’ Paganism believes ‘do as you will but harm none.’ Politicians and clergymen today preach tolerance and empathy while condemning and ridiculing those that don’t believe the way they do. They do as much harm as they can to anyone that doesn’t believe the way they do and the gods forbid that anyone should actually be totally happy living the way they want as long as they don’t bother anyone else. Everyone, it seems, must judge those that don’t think or feel the way everyone else does. Most are jealous of anyone else’s happiness and must take it away.

This attitude continues onto the highways and byways of America. Every day people in the cars prove that stupidity reigns supreme. A person will break any and all laws they have to just to get one car length farther ahead or to pass that semi-truck. Gods forbid that anyone, even one that can kill you because of your stupidity, get ahead of you or stay in front of you because you have nowhere to be and you have to get there first. Gods forbid that the truck that feeds America should be allowed to continue on his way to his destination without being harassed, cut off, slowed down or in some other way hindered from doing a thankless job for the masses that want what they don’t need.

I, myself, am against any illegal drug use. That being said, I can understand why all these kids seems to gravitate toward smoking week and indulging in other hallucinogenic and other mind altering drug use. They can’t cope with all the idiocy going on around them. Everything that they could do to have fun is against the law. They can’t congregate in a public place because they are doing something that ‘might’ be illegal. They can’t go to parks after a certain hour because those publicly owned parks close. They can’t go to parking lots to skateboard or ride their bicycles because they ‘might’ be doing something illegal. They can’t ‘scoop the loop’ because they are doing something illegal. All the time the justice system has become the crowning glory of corruption and doing the same thing that they incarcerate people for. Should weed be made legal? I think so simply because it is no worse than alcohol as long as it is regulated the same as alcohol. Even though alcohol can damage a person’s liver and brain function and can become addictive, other harder drugs should not be legalized. Maybe cocaine should. It used to be. In small quantities it is a pain reliever and was, at one time, used as such and is no more addictive than any of the legal pain relievers put out by the pharmaceutical companies now that are endorsed by the FDA.

Let’s revisit an old friend shall we? Let’s take a look at relationships. For millennia it was common for people to love and partner with whomever. It didn’t matter the sex or the age. Granted, before the advent of modern day enlightenment, children were much more mature at a much younger age. As much information that is crammed down the throats of today’s youth, they do not mature nearly as fast as they did even a hundred years ago. They seem to be ‘children’ much longer, sometimes into their twenties. In ancient Greece and Rome, in Europe during the Middle Ages, across the globe throughout history people loved who they wanted without being judged or condemned. Since our great Enlightenment of the Twentieth Century this has all gone by the wayside. Now, in today’s world that is full of self-centered, egotistical, arrogant, judgmental chanty wrasslers, you have to have a relationship only with a certain age group and sex. There are no more concubines or squires, only in the Catholic church where the altar boys seem to be the ‘target’ and ‘victim’ of those nasty people called priests that lead the people to Heaven by making them pay for their tickets by way of ‘donating’ to the church.

Up until the Great Enlightenment, people worked to keep their relationships together. Every couple has problems. Every pair have disagreements. The difference between then and now is that now, when something doesn’t suit you, you throw the relationship away instead of making it work. The Royals still have their ‘flings’ because that is the way it has been for centuries. Only Charles and Dianna actually broke tradition and Dianna died because of it. Kings have had wives and squires since the beginning of civilization. Bed warmers, ‘boy-toys,’ lovers and companions, there are as many ways to describe these partners as there are people. The majority of highly intelligent beings have had same-sex lovers since before recorded history. These same intellectuals had more than one lover of the opposite sex. These have been men, and women, such as Madame Curie, Michelangelo, Leonardo Da Vinci, J. Edgar Hoover, Oscar Wilde and Abraham Lincoln just to name a few. Today, even though the government in the United Social States of America has passed laws for it, same sex relationships are condemned as wrong because of one thing – the Christian church says it is. That is the ONLY reason.

Since the advent of Christianity we have had rules and laws and ways of thinking crammed down our throats. If you don’t think this way, if you don’t act that way, if you don’t believe this and that you are going to suffer an eternity of torment. Today’s laws are based on Christian belief. Why? What makes one belief so much better than another? Why is this one religion the only ‘right’ one? Christianity was born two thousand years ago in the middle of nowhere. It forced its way into the lives of everyone whether they wanted it or not. Wars have been fought and millions killed because of it. It is the only religion that forces itself into the lives of everyone. Paganism believes in tolerance and peace. Greek and Roman ‘mythology’ had their gods that controlled everything but they didn’t force their beliefs on anyone. So why is Christianity the ONLY correct religion? Because that is what those in control wanted. The best form of control over a people is fear and by god the Bible put fear into the people’s hearts and minds.

The biggest fear that Christianity put into the people was the fear of loving another person unconditionally no matter who that person was. A Christian puts God above all others, then your spouse, then your children and then your country. That is not the natural way of being. To be human, to be happy, to be real, is to love that special someone, no matter who or what they are, unconditionally above all others. True happiness comes from loving and being loved without restraint or condemnation. It doesn’t matter if that someone is the opposite sex or the same sex. It doesn’t matter if that someone is the same age or there are years between you. Nature, in all its fantastic omniscient glory knows this. Humanity has its own agenda and that is control over everyone else and to force an unnatural way of thinking into all those that would be happy being who they are.

 In today’s world, as cruel and crazy as it is, people are more interested in their own pleasure to worry about what they are doing to anyone else. The hedonistic way of thinking is the norm. “I’m gonna be with you, swear my undying love and loyalty, until the ends of the earth. That is until I find someone that can give me more or you piss me off.” Love and loyalty are things of the past. There is no loyalty nor is there commitment on a long term scale. It is all temporary. Thank you to the powers that be for that, whatever or whomever those powers are. Friendships are there only until another catches your fancy. Lovers are there only until another seems to be better. Family is only there to take from. All a relationship is, whether family, friend or lover, to anyone is what they can get out of it and when the giving is not up to their expectations, the relationship is over.

For some, the unlucky ones, the heart is broken into a thousand pieces over and over because they know that the only happiness is truly loving someone and giving their all to that person, even when that person doesn’t deserve it. The person that gives their all, goes out of their way to be the person they know they should be, is the one that is kicked and abused and taken advantage of by the hedonistic asshole. The good guy comes in a distant third. Does this make them bad? No. It makes them a victim of their own making just because they want a better world; a world that the gods and nature intended. This could be a Garden of Eden but humanity has made it a living Hell. No one can believe in the ultimate good in people and still come out on even ground. Why? Because there is no ultimate good in people anymore. If there is, they have it buried so far down that it will never see the light of day unless it will get them something they want.

Lies, deceit and betrayal are the norm today. People will tell you they love you, that you are their friend, then go to another and downgrade you and betray your secrets that you thought were safe. You put everything into that relationship just have it be thrown back into your face and your heart torn out because they can’t be bothered to even talk to you anymore unless you go to them personally to talk. They don’t come by ‘just because’ any more and actually avoid you if at all possible. Yet, they will say, “Nothing is wrong. Nothing has changed.” Why? Because they may be able to use you again if they keep you half way happy with their bull shit. That is the way things are today.

For every cloud there is supposed to be a silver lining. If this were true, then all the victims that have been tortured by their own hearts would end up happily ever after living the life they dreamed of. As it is, those are the ones that end up alone and bitter because they finally realize that this world is alien to them and their way of life; a life of caring, a life of commitment and a life of loyalty. That kind of living is a thing of the distant past thanks to the greed and treachery of the attitude of give-me and ‘take what I can and give nothing in return.’ There is no silver lining and those clouds, well, they are the worst storm ever to be set upon the face of the Earth and there is nowhere to hide from that storm if you are ‘the good guy’ that is trying to live the way nature intended.

I write a lot about relationships and people in general. My viewpoints are solidly explained, I think. A person might wonder, though, exactly where I am in my own life that I write such dribble about things that normally would be written by some sappy advice columnist in the daily paper. Each of my posts, each time I write, every letter and every word that comes out is from my own life. You only have to actually read the words, put the sentences together and look upon the story with an open mind instead of a closed, judgmental mindset to fully understand what I say. The only thing that I will not do is put anything down that is so personal as to be harmful to anyone. I have done that one time and will not do it again unless I feel the need to. The people that are my most prized companions, my children and my comrades-in-arms, I will protect above all else. I will write about things without specifics when it comes to these people but that is as close as I will come. Just realize that every bit of ‘wisdom’ that comes out of my twisted mind is from experience and, in the words of the great Sherrilyn Kenyon, “Most good judgement comes from experience, most experience comes from bad judgment” 

I have cared about a lot of people throughout my life, people that wouldn’t pish down my throat if I were dying of thirst. Almost everyone that I have ever gone out of my way to help has turned on me in one way or another. Yet, here I am, still wearing that open heart on my sleeve for all to see that I am open for abuse and to be taken advantage of. I am that victim of my own making because I am that person that will do for others before himself. I am that person that believes it doesn’t matter who the other one is as long as the love between you is honest and loyal and committed (although I must state that I am STILL waiting for that call from Halle Berry). I am that one that has been betrayed, lied about, persecuted, used and ridiculed. I am the one that has become a victim of my own making because I have always believed in the ultimate good in people.

I have loved with everything that is in me to have that thrown back in my face and left alone in the empty desert of emotional devastation. Even today, knowing what I have been through in the past, I will still reach out to help the underdog, I will still give my heart to someone that I believe is worthy. My world is built around my children but there are those that I love more than life itself that I will venture into the deepest pits of Tartarus for even though they don’t return that to me. Age and sex have nothing to do with the emotional make-up of a person. The people that are the most important to me are just that, important, and it doesn’t matter where they put me in their lives. I have to let them be who they are, let them do what they must because they think that is what they want. It doesn’t matter that I can see the folly of their ways and where it is leading and I have rarely been wrong in my assumptions on these things. The important thing for them to know is that no matter what, no matter where they go or what they do, they are always welcomed home and I await the day they realize what they have thrown away for that day of fun that will end in their own hearts being broken.

This has been my life. Caring and having my heart ripped out through my throat, gutted and left for dead along a lonely stretch of backroad. It has been my own doing as I have always pushed those closest to me away. Unconscious fear of being too close, needed too much, having someone know me that well must be the reasoning behind it but I have realized, well too late, that there is that time that the loneliness overwhelms the soul and only one person can fill the empty space left dark until a light is turned on by that special someone. I have thought several times that I had found my soul-mate just to find that they were nothing more than a façade and a falsehood. But, years spent and countless hours of being together makes one look at something differently. It’s like the boy and girl that have been best friends since childhood and finally realize after high school that they are really in love with each other.

If you look at someone, honestly, and see their inner soul, that thing that makes them who they are, that is when you know whether they are good or bad for you. Some will turn a blind eye to the bad, to the abuse, to the hedonistic attitude and the fact that this person is actually just using you because you have a loyalty to them simply because you have known them since childhood. Once again in the words of the great Sherrilyn Kenyon, “The depth and strength of our character is defined by our moral code. People only reveal themselves when they're thrown out of the usual conditions of their lives. That's when the truth of who they are is revealed...” I have been there. I have put loyalty and faith in some that showed a façade of caring only to find that they were simply low-life baw-jawers out to get what they could from me. Most of these are no longer in my life though I still care about them. Some no longer live anywhere near me but I still wish them great success in their lives. Some even want to come back but I am more than disinclined to acquiesce to their requests simply because, even though I still care, they do not have the trust they once had from me.

Some would say I am pulling the 'pity-me' card. If pouring forth what is rampaging through my twisted mind and entertaining thoughts of how my emotions are in turmoil is asking anyone for pity, then so be it. That is not what I intend. Then again, intentions don't matter. It is what is perceived by the audience that matters and if my readers think I am asking for pity, I now ask for their understanding that it is not pity I ask for. This is only my venue of releasing the pent up emotions that torment my mind and heart on a daily basis. These are my rants and ravings. I write of these so if there may be someone out there going through something similar, they know they are not alone, that there is someone else that wears the same mantle as they. When there is emptiness in the soul, when loneliness fills the nights, the thought that there are others inflicted with the same torment, it somehow comforts the mind if only in some small way. That is all that my intentions are, nothing more. If there is more to what I have to say, if what I write is actually a subtle way of informing any specific person, I will let that person know as I have in the past. Until then, my dear readers, enjoy the literary trash that spews forth from my keyboard and if I can help you get through some tragedy in your life, some hurt that you are going through, then I have done something worthwhile.

Free Will

Free will; Man’s greatest gift and yet his greatest curse. Without free will we would do what we were told, when we were told to do it, how we were told to do it and when to stop doing it. Simply put we would be automatons controlled by someone who was an automaton for someone else. It is free will that gives us the chance to make choices in our lives. It is free will that allows us to do good or evil. It is free will that makes us who and what we are and will become. That is what makes free will the greatest gift we have.

Free will also allows us the chance to make bad choices. Do I eat that boston cream filled éclair or stay on the diet and lose those extra fifty pounds? Do I keep smoking cigarettes and ruin my lungs or stop and let my lungs regenerate back into healthy organs? Do I keep walking or pick up that item that doesn’t belong to me without paying for it? Free will determines the answer to all decisions we have. What we do depends on our core beliefs and moral values. If we have been raised to be good, gentle law abiding citizens and our free will let us keep those values we will more than likely do the good thing. But, we have prisons full of people that took their free will and made the bad choice.

When a person likes another it is the free will of each that will determine how that relationship progresses or how it withers before becoming anything. John has a crush on Jane. Jane has her eye on Jerry who happens to be in a relationship. The choices people make here are all according to their free will. Who wins and who loses is all determined by each participant’s free will. There will always be conflict and there will always be winners and losers. John cannot force Jane to like him and Jane cannot force Jerry out of his current relationship. One cannot supersede another’s free will and make them do what one wants.

In today’s society it is rare that a relationship lasts any length of time at all. Why is this? It is because people have free will and make bad choices. A person will end a relationship simply because they have chosen not to continue it. It is plain and simple. They are using their free will to make a choice to end that relationship for whatever reason they can come up with. This is what makes free will a curse. People have become hedonistic to the point that if they feel slighted in the least they are willing to throw away whatever causes them the least bit of pain.

I think I would be safe to say that free will is controlled by our emotions, our desires and our needs. What we love, what we desire and what we need all determine what our actions will be. If we are hungry but have no money to feed ourselves what would a person do to eat? Our free will gives us the choices to either steal something to eat, beg some food from someone or work for some food. There is no one that can control another’s free will. A person can try to manipulate someone into a choice, debate an issue and change a the other’s perception or just argue a point to change in idea but a person will believe what they believe, do what they do or be with whom they want simply because it is their choice to do so. Their free will, their ability to make their own choices, controls all things in their life.

What would happen if we did not have our free will? Let’s put it into the relationship from above. John likes Jane but Jane is interested in Jerry. If there was no free will we wouldn’t have the choice of who we were with. Someone above us all would determine whether John is with Jane or Jane is with Jerry or even if John is with Jerry. John wants Jane to the point of obsession. They are at a party that has a hypnotist as a guest. John asks the hypnotist to make Jane like him. That would go against her free will and is extremely immoral. If she had no free will John’s request would be completely accepted. The hypnotist would put the suggestion in her subconscious that she was madly in love with John and he would get what he wants.

If we go one step further and say the both John and Jerry are obsessed with Jane. If Jane did not have free will to make her own choices what would happen?  Like the Trojan War, Greece and Troy fighting because of Helen, John and Jerry would fight over her with her having to sit back and wait to see who would ‘win’ her. Every person needs to have the ability to choose his/her own destiny. For good or evil our choices make us who we are. We are masters of our own destiny and we, alone, determine where our destiny lies. Our free will is the one most important factor in that. We do not always make right choices but if we did what would we learn?

I have witnessed people making bad, extremely bad, choices and tried to show them that. It is much better to learn from other’s mistakes than to go through the pain they did. But, as mi hijo as said to me many times, “I know you’ve tried to tell me but I have to go through it to fully understand it.” He has to learn by fire to get it through his head. My daughter has made some really bad choices in her short life but says the same thing. It is not a good thing when a person has to tell someone else, “I told you so. I told you this would happen.” Let each person use their free will to learn. Warn, advise and then be there to pick up the pieces when your loved ones fall on their faces and hope that they don’t make such bad choices as to ruin their lives. Their free will dictates where they go, your leadership, your wisdom and your teaching will have a big impact on that free will of those you love most. Make sure your free will dictates the right things to those people. Use the gift not the curse.