Friends v Enemies

There is an old adage that says, “Keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer.” In today’s world, do you really know who your friends really are? It is becoming increasingly more difficult to discern between friend and enemy.

A person used to know, beyond doubt, who would stand up for him or her and who would stab them in the back. Today, your most trusted ally may well be the one to place the knife between your ribs. Loyalty, commitment and friendship are all on a temporary scale. To find a true friend, one that would never betray you no matter what, is hard to find. As long as a person can use you, needs what you can do for them, you are their friend. As soon as that need is gone, when they no longer can use you, they turn on you and leave you in the dark.

That woman, or man, that means so much to you, that you love more than life, has no more respect or loyalty to you than they did for the person before you. Once again, to find someone that is permanent is rare. Divorce rates skyrocket while long-term relationships plummet. Women want a baby daddy; someone that will give them an income for the long term. As soon as she gets what she wants, she is done with you and on to the next man; all the while you are paying for her lifestyle.

That boy that tells you he loves you more than life is only playing a part just to get into you. If you become pregnant, you are history and that poor baby is forgotten about by his/her sperm donor. It isn’t about love anymore. It is all about lust and numbers. The more women he can get between the sheets the better man he is.

As friends, two people can be inseparable for a time, sharing everything from dreams to fears. All it takes is one disagreement and the friendship is gone. “If I show you the darkness within me, will you still think of me the same?” Most will not. If you show your darkness, your demons, most will turn and run away. Why? They run because they don’t want to have to deal with any kind of drama or conflict. Most people today are so hedonistic that they cannot see beyond their own noses. Only their wants and needs and desires matter. If you don’t cater to them, they leave.

You can give until there is nothing left to give to some people and when it’s gone, so are they. It is your fault that they have so little. It is your responsibility to supply them with what they want. A gentle, giving heart must set limits because the takers never will. They will take until nothing remains then they will move on to someone else that can give to them. It is a never ending cycle.

When you do find that one person that will have your back, no matter what, keep hold of them. If someone is willing to be there through thick and thin, through the demons coming out, for better or worse, that person is a jewel to be held onto, cherished. If you betray that person you are doing them, and yourself, a grave injustice. How so? By betraying them you have lost a treasure most will never find and you will have maybe damaged a kind soul to where they never will trust again.

Life is hard. Life is not fair. It has become a dog eat dog world and that, my friends, is the beginning of the end. When everyone must watch their backs to keep from having a blade stuck through it, then true commitments and loyalty will never be able to exist. Only alliances founded on mutual survival will remain. “My enemy’s enemy is my friend.” Like an alliance between Russia and the United States, it becomes nothing more than enemies bound by a common goal. Once the goal is reached, or is found to be unreachable, that alliance is gone and they are still enemies.

Once a person realizes that they are nothing more than the god’s whipping boy, all hope leaves and despair is all that remains. For those that always look for the good in everyone, it will be a hard life of betrayal after betrayal. There is good in each and every person on this planet. It is whether each one wants to let that good out or keeps it buried deep inside so as not to be taken for granted. Instead of ‘do unto other as you would have done unto you,’ it has become ‘do unto other before they do unto you.’ That is why the good is buried in so many.

Greed, lust, gluttony, vanity, envy, sloth and wrath, the seven deadly sins rule this world. Hedonism is king. Chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility, the seven virtues are a thing of the past or are to be taken advantage of. The two have to coexist to keep a balance on good and evil. Today, the balance is tipped in favor of the sins whereas, in the past, the virtues were more important. What has caused this change in the balance of power?

In days gone by, religion and morality were more important than personal feelings. It was taboo to have sex before you were married and even more so to have a baby out of wedlock. Charity started at home because taking care of your own meant your survival. Respect for your elders and those in authority kept you from becoming an outcast in society. Conservatism was necessary to stay alive and prosper.

Today, it is vogue to have babies before marriage, even encouraged. Sex is encouraged at a young age as sex education and contraceptives are handed out to preteens in school. Our children are taught to think only of themselves when it comes to feelings and desires. They are also taught that to be righteous and moral they must give to those less fortunate no matter whom that may be. Liberalism is the only right way to think.

The difference between liberalism and conservatism is this: liberalism today is communism at worst and socialism at best. Why do I say that? ‘From each according to his ability to each according to his wants and needs’ is what liberalism wants. Wealth redistribution in the form of taxing the rich more and giving that money to the less fortunate, whether they work for it or not.

Conservatism today is a capitalist society. ‘You don’t work, you don’t eat.’ If you put in an honest day’s work, you get paid an honest day’s wage. You are responsible for your own actions and welfare. If you need assistance, it will be given but if you are able, but refuse, to be a productive member of society, you deserve no help.

Why did I put those two paragraphs in at this point? Because it gives the difference between how things were and how they are. When conservatism was reigning, friends were friends, loyalty and commitment meant something and morality was important. Today, liberalism reigns and people are against each other and only think of themselves.

We no longer have to struggle to actually survive. We struggle to survive our wants but not our needs. Yes, there are homeless and hungry people, even here in one of the wealthiest nations on Earth but, for the most part, people are taken care of. It’s not like we have to go out and hunt our food and make clothes out of the hides of what we kill. If we need food, there are welfare or food banks. If we need shelter there is welfare and missions. Society is called upon to supply to those in need. Our struggles are to support our wants, our greed, and our gluttony. Because we no longer have to struggle, our battles are now against each other. We take from those that are willing to give because we want what they have. We ingratiate ourselves to the kind, gentle, giving souls just to stab them in back once we are done with them.

If society continues in this fashion how long do you think that humanity will survive? Soon, very soon, we will once again become a feudal society and kill each other off as the ancient Celts, Normans, and Vikings did to those weaker than them. World population will decline to a few of the strongest. Those with money will have the protection of the castle while the weak will only have their hovels to hide in. Once the battles begin there will be no stopping them. Where will those takers and hedonists go then? Of course, to those that are kind and giving, if there are any of those left.

Hopefully, one day in the near future, conservatism, morality, loyalty and commitment will make a reappearance and become the norm replacing the hedonistic society that believes in the seven sins instead of the seven virtues. Hopefully.

We Are So Stupid

We are so stupid. It’s like; we wake up and say to ourselves, “Let’s see just how stupid we can be today.”

Our elected officials don’t give a damn about us. When the Illuminati tell them to spout some bull shit out of their mouths, they do. Then, when they are told to say something the exact opposite, they do. Let’s take immigration control for example. Six, eight, ten, twenty, fifty years ago each President and Congress made statements about how we need to control the influx of illegal immigrants into our country. Even Barack Obama said it. Now, when Donald Trump says it, it’s racist, bigoted, and xenophobic. Why? Because the Illuminati wants chaos.

This is just one example and I am sure that there are multitudes of them if I was to take the time to go through the so-called NEWS papers, watch the so-called NEWS programs, listen to the so-called NEWS on the radio or read all the political posts on Facebook. After all, the mass media and social media is where all the chaos starts. The social media is where the division starts. That is what the Illuminati want; division and chaos. As long as we are so divided against each other the chaos continues and what is really going on is hidden in the shadows.

Our stupidity starts when we turn on that all mighty computer and open up Facebook or turn on the idiot tube to the NEWS or the radio and turn it to Fox or CNN. We are fed a constant stream of lies and misdirections. Smoke and mirrors, people; smoke and mirrors. The richest of the rich don’t want us to critically think about anything, question anything. That is why all the debate over border control, Muslim bans, people in the wrong bathroom.

As long as we play by their rules, we lose. We have been losing for a long time. The rules of this game are slanted to the rich, not the working class or the poor. As long as we fall into the trap of chaos and divisiveness they win. And they always win because we are stupid enough to fall for their deceit and corruption.

For eight years I kept saying how Barack Obama was the worst thing that could happen to the United States. Eight long, tedious years of trying to convince the liberals that he was a man with delusions of godhood; that his policies went against what America stood for. For eight long years, I was right, yet, also wrong. It wasn’t Obama that was against America. He was just another pawn on the chess board of the Illuminati. He was just doing what he was told.

During the Nixon years the big joke was that Washington took its orders from Moscow. That poor joke is back. Now everyone is saying that Trump is Putin’s lackey. He isn’t. Trump is just another piece on the board. If he isn’t, then he will surely end up like John Kennedy, the last President that went against the system. If Trump is truly what he says he is, the Illuminati will not stand for his rise and power. They will eliminate him like they did Kennedy a week after his speech on how he knew something was wrong and he would find out what it was and fix it.

Each and every politician is bought and paid for. Each one is told what to do, what to say and what to get through Congress. It doesn’t matter what party affiliation they have, they are all on the same side; the side that keeps the Illuminati in power and the rest of the world in chaos.

As we argue amongst ourselves over the petty things, things like gay marriage and whether a boy can use the girl’s bathroom, the real powers are sitting on their thrones, behind high walls, playing Stratego with our lives. We have no control. Each government in the ‘free’ world makes it seem as though we have freedoms and liberties. We do not. We have jack. We are only allowed to scratch out a meager existence that appears to be a good life. We are slaves and don’t even realize it.

That is why we are stupid. We allow this to happen to ourselves and say, “Thank you, can you screw me some more?” Yes, there are those that make good money and life the life of Riley. Celebrities, athletes, politicians all live lavish lifestyles that the rest of us only dream about. They set themselves above us as they rise to the top of their professions. We hang on their every word. We worship the ground they walk on. They are shit. They are no better than the rest of us. WE put them where they are yet they believe they are above us. We are so stupid.

Open your eyes and see the world for what it is. It is a shithole that keeps getting deeper and deeper. We are drowning in it and enjoying it because we are told by the mass media and social media that we are doing so well. We are so stupid.

Our time is now. If not now, when? Do you want your children, your grandchildren, your great-grandchildren to live as slaves to an elite few? That is what we are now. Now is the time to change that. Peaceful protests, passive revolution, shout out to the gods in which you believe. Just do something and do it quickly. We are only getting in deeper and deeper.

I used to be a staunch conservative and still am. I believe in the Constitution of the United States and the freedoms that were fought for during the War of Independence and the War of 1812. I believe that the two great wars, WWI and WWII, were fought to keep freedom alive. I believe in self-reliance and depending on no one for any kind of handout. I believe that everyone deserves work and honest pay; the right to keep and bear arms to protect myself, family and country against a tyrannical enemy either foreign or domestic. The only problem with what I believe is that those enemies are unseen, freedoms and civil liberties are meted out by powers beyond ourselves and self-reliance is being taken over by government handouts and the chaos that is ensuing will continue until we, the people of the world, unite against the true enemies that would destroy us all.

Conspiracy theories? Every theory starts with a shred of truth, even Bigfoot. Was the UFO crash of the 1950s in Roswell a conspiracy theory? Think about this; since that time technology has advanced at an exponential rate. It took over 2000 years to bring about electricity and modern medicine. It took a decade to put a man on the Moon. Computers in the 1970s were huge and did one thing at a time. In the 1990s they got smaller and smaller. Now, today, I have the entire knowledge of the world, the computing power of the brightest minds, all in the palm of my hand wherever I go. I don’t have to sit at a desk typing out 3x8 cards with holes so that a machine can add one and one together.

Are my rants conspiracy theory? Look around. Open your eyes and see what the world has become. What has happened in the last ten years? Racism has gone back to the level of the 1950s. Fearmongering is at an all-time high. Prices skyrocket while wages stagnate. We are fighting wars on three fronts against enemies that we don’t know who they are. World powers plan against each other while talking peace just as the Japanese did in 1942 with the USA. These are the times of chaos; not the Biblical End Times but the population of the world is getting so large and the elitists are so few that they need to keep chaos churning and the world’s population fighting against each other so that they can keep their power over us.

Our Time Is Now! Quit playing by their rules. Quit fighting amongst yourselves. Start fighting for each other against a common enemy; against the Illuminati.

Only WE can prevent the fires that are burning. Only WE can overturn the power base of the 13 richest families in the world. OUR TIME IS NOW!

Who Am I?

     Who am I? Is what I see actually me? Or is it just a ghost, a shadow of some long forgotten existence? If I am just a shadow, who is that long forgotten entity I am the remainder of; a hero, a jester, a knight or a knave? Could I have been a king or just a peasant; maybe a mighty wizard or a lowly apprentice? No matter who, or what I was, what remains of that person; the entire personality, core values, wants and needs or a mix of these things from that long forgotten man?

     Who am I? I have lived before, long ago in an age of danger and enchantment. A time when sorcerers held more sway in what happened than anyone, even a king. It was a time when dragons terrorized villages and castles without regard to human life.  But, who was I? My ‘now’ is the mirror image of my past. If this is true then I was nothing more than street trash, doing what had to be done to survive, no matter the cost to ego, self or reputation. I was a beggar, a thief, a sorry shadow of a human being willing to be whatever to whomever; a consort, a stable-hand, a soldier, a spy. I was as expendable as the morning chamber-pot. But, is that what I am now? Is that all I can ever be?

     Who am I? In this life, in this time, I have done whatever I needed to do to survive. I have been that beggar, that thief, stable-hand and soldier. My core values have been shredded more than once just so my family could survive. But, this is not everything. Those bygone days of yore left an indelible mark upon my soul; a mark that the gods of old branded me with so never to be released from my servitude. Zeus and Ganymede, Greek offerings, Egyptian ransoms and Roman perversions all are etched into my very soul.

     So who am I? I am a monster. An ambiguous sense of being that manifests nothing but harm to others simply for the enjoyment contrived thereof. A Kraken, a dragon, a vampire, a werewolf, all together in a man’s body, disguised as a moral human only to have the monster unleash its’ unholy terror when it feels compelled to do so. I am the bane of humanity. A curse placed upon this earth for the entertainment of gods long forgotten; Odin, Hel, Freya, Loki, Thor, Heimdall and a host of others, laughing and taunting me endlessly into the night and beyond.

     Instead of the question: Who am I? It should be asked: What am I? It is not feasible for an entity that is not human to be “who” but only a “what.” What I am, humanity does not recognize as being even close to human. I am a monster of such magnitude that if I were to unleash the totality of my horror the world would not survive. As it is, only a small fraction of a fraction is ever released at one time and that is more than the man can endure. The man is held captive by the monster for it needs a vessel for survival in this world.

     The man tears and strains against the bonds that hold him tethered to this hideous creature, only to find that even Fenrir could not break free from these bonds. Where is Tyr? Who will place their hand in the mouth of the Wolf now? Will the man be ever a slave to the monster or will the mighty gods of the Celts save him from his fate? The Norns are weaving and unweaving a life of misery, laughing at the suffering they cause. Oh, Frigg, save this mortal man, beseech the mercy of the All-Father so that the suffering might end.

     When two minds are battling for one space throughout eons, weariness overcomes the weaker and the stronger beholds victory. This battle is almost at an end. The monster has risen more frequently and more forcefully as time continues. I fear that what will become of the man is nothing more than a forgotten ghost, placed among those things no longer needed or believed in. The man will fade from existence and the monster will devour his soul and the hedonistic ways of evil will prevail. Woe to those who will behold the life left. Evil will prevail with no thoughts of family or friends. Only the desires of the creature will continue. No heed will be given to harm done to anyone or anything in its quest for the whim of pleasure, both physical and mental.

     I rue the day I am lost to this. The most foul of things from the darkest corners of Hades, the deepest pits of Tartarus could not contain the evil that will be set upon the earth. Neither foe, nor friend, will escape unscathed. Loved ones will turn to hate the man for all that will be done through him. They will not fathom the reason why he has turned away from good and just and right. Neither man, nor woman, will fail to catch his attention. Greek and Roman will prevail. Caligula, Augustus, Prometheus, all will bow to the deviant-ness of the creature.

     Behold the evil within us. All have it at their beck and call. Most keep it bound tightly, never allowing it a second of freedom. Once the freedom is tasted, it lusts after all it can acquire. Lust is all it knows. Both man and woman and yet, neither. It takes nothing more than a thought to provoke this part of the monster. A thought, a scent, a sight or even a memory can bring forth the desire of physical pleasure. Not just desire, but a need most powerful; a need not to be unfulfilled. This is the hedonist in the creature. This is what will destroy the man totally.

     Pleasure of the senses. Taste- only the finest mead, sound- only the most melodious of flutes, touch- naked flesh under the softest silk, sight-the most beautiful visions of man and nature and smell- only the odors of love will satiate the beast. This is what is to come of me. A man lost in a world unknown to him, yet, known.

     So, who am I? Just a man. A man hoping for forgiveness from those that may be harmed by the beast within. A man that knows he cannot fight the beast another day. A man who, as much as he tried, will fall to the whims of a mirthless god.

Love Will Make You Stupid

“Love will make you stupid. You won’t listen to anyone, not even your own common sense.” This is a quote from The Chronicles of Nick by the great Sherrilyn Kenyon. This woman, this writer, this genius, can articulate so well that most of her work of fiction can be used as everyday quotes.

I am using this one today because it has a relevance to what is going on in a couple of people’s lives that are very close to me. I will not divulge names, they know who they are, but I hope that they will read this and get a clue.

If a boy, or girl, is in a relationship, whether legally married or just ‘shackin’ up,’ they have made a commitment to their significant other to stay true to them. If said boy, or girl, decides that they no longer want to be with that person then they break up. If they are married, it takes a little more than just saying, “I’m leaving.” A divorce takes a little bit of time and a lot of money, especially if there are children involved. There are the two main types of relationships and each will be examined.

First is the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. That is where two people are basically just dating each other. They have made a promise to each other that they will stay true and not see other people. If one of them decides that the other isn’t what they want, they break up and find someone new. That is the easy one; unless they stay with their significant other and see one or more others on the side secretly. This is the way it seems to go these days. No one stays true to anyone. They say, “I love you and will forever,” but what they are actually saying is, “I’ll stay with you because I like what you do for me until I can find someone else that can do more.”

It seems that what kids, and some adults, want is to have someone to have sex with whenever they want while all the time playing the field. No commitment, no loyalty and no worries… until they get caught be their ‘main squeeze.’ It is then that they back-peddle and try to smooth things over and keep the one they know will be there all the time. Really? Are people that stupid? Yes they are.

Now we go to the married couple. One is not happy in the relationship for one reason or another, it really doesn’t matter what the reason is. Let’s say the man is cheating on his wife He will say that he’s working late, going out with the guys or some other lame excuse he knows his wife will accept. All the while, he is out with his girlfriend doing the dirty. The girlfriend is happy because she is getting what she wants – he tells her he loves her and that he will leave his wife and they will get married and live happily ever after.

Maybe it’s the wife that is cheating. She makes all kinds of excuses to go out on the town without her husband with the same results only with some boy. The thing here is that neither one is leaving their spouse while seeing someone else. Why, if they are so unhappy, do they not file for divorce, get the divorce and THEN start seeing someone? It doesn’t matter if a person is ‘legally separated’ from their spouse, they are still ‘legally married.’ They did not take the sacred vows of marriage seriously.

The major point to this rant is this: if a person is willing to cheat on their significant other, not take their promises or vows seriously and lie to that significant other then they have no sense of commitment or loyalty to anyone. If they are more than willing to go behind their significant other with someone they think, or that actually is, a good, decent person, what makes that good, decent person think for one minute that cheater won’t cheat on them? It is my opinion that they will. A person that is willing to cheat on their partner, no matter what the circumstances, they will cheat on the person they are cheating with.

Some will say, “Well, their wife/husband has beat on them, cheated on them, done this or that to them….etc.” That may well be. If it is that bad then get the divorce, break up, whatever… but get it done and over with before you go jumping in the sack with someone else.

I come from a time when commitment meant something. If you were taken, had a partner, you didn’t cheat for any reason. If there were problems you talked about them and fixed them; you didn’t throw away a relationship because you were tired of that person. If it was an abusive relationship then the family took care of it. Most, not all but most, abusive relationships are not that abusive and, a lot of the time, the one being abused has gotten the abuser so peeved as to not know what else to do. Through experience, I would have to say that if a man hits a woman (I do NOT condone this action) she has done him so wrong that he feels she deserves it. Usually she has cheated on him numerous times or complains about everything about him or tries to control him to the point of obsession or control freak abuse herself.

Some of my observations may not be the norm, some may be way off mark but, you have to understand that after half a century of studying people that I do have a little bit of experience with a lot of different social situations. Relationships are a dime a dozen anymore because they don’t last due to lack of morality and commitment. When it comes to other people I can usually tell you within minutes how they are with the person they are with, whether they are good or bad and whether they are sincere or fake. I just wish I could do it when it comes to my own life and relationships. In that respect I fail miserably.

Do We Really Control Our Own Destiny?

     There comes a time in everyone’s life when it is necessary to look back and consider all that has happened, both good and bad. It is then that we decide whether the good, or bad, out-weighs the other. If the good out-weighs the bad, then we have lived a good life and if the opposite, then our life has been less than exceptional. It is never too late to change how one’s life ends up as long as one is breathing. As Sherrilyn Kenyon said – “We are all writers of our lives. We can make our lives comedies or tragedies.” We have the control over our destinies. The Fates may weave, and unweave, our lives but we, alone, control our own destiny in a way that the Fates cannot change.

     It is true that there are certain things that occur in our lives that we cannot change, no matter how hard we try. The people we meet, the places we end up in and the end of our lives are all things that we cannot change, no matter what we do. The ins and outs of everyday life are what we control and that is where we make the difference. Our free will, our stupidity, is what makes our life good or bad. It isn’t the Fates that tell the criminal to rob or kill. It isn’t the Fates that tell the average person to decide to smoke that joint or snort that line. It is, however, the Fates that tell that person to love this man/woman, enter the military or to go to school to learn more. That is how they weave our lives. That is how, when in the end days, they unweave those lives.

     When our lives come to an end, and there is no changing that time, it is our decisions that determine how our life is ended. If we have lived a good life, did not break the law, did not do drugs or smoke or drink, then maybe it was the decision to go skiing on a dangerous mountain or to bungee jump or fly in a plane that is destined to crash. How we die is our choice, when we die is the decision of the Fates. It is the time from birth to that time of death that we control more than the Fates do. We make the day to day decisions that affect our lives, not the Fates.

     The ones that we fall in love with, what we end up doing for society and the people of the world, whether we are rich or poor, all these things are outside our influence. I know that there are those that will say everything that happens in our lives are our choices and, by and large, they are but there are those things that, no matter what we do, we have absolutely no control over. That is where our lives become a struggle; we fight what the Fates have set in stone for us. Even if we are doing what we think is best or what we want, if it is not in sync with our destiny, it becomes a chore. We may be having fun, we may think that we are happy, but it gets to where we sink deeper into an unconscious depression that will eat at us until we change course and get on the right path. This is where those that will say we choose our destinies are wrong because, even though we choose our day to day destinies, our life destinies are not ours to control.

     Whether you call it the Fates, the Norns or some other name, it is them that control our lives. We cannot fight what is already set in motion. You can beg the gods for whatever you desire from riches to lovers to whatever and if it is not in line with what the Fates have in store for you, it will not be yours. You may get that parking space you want on a daily basis, you may go to a place you don’t want to because that is what is on your mind, you may even win small amounts from the lottery if you believe hard enough but when it comes to the big stuff, making life changes, you may as well try telling your bedroom wall to move over a foot under its own power.

     I realize that I repeat a lot of what I say. This is not always intentional but there are those times that I do it for a reason. There are times that repetition is needed to get a point across well enough to be retained by the reader or listener. So if you don’t like the way I write, then read someone else’s blog. I don’t try to change people’s minds; I try to get people to look at things from a different angle, a different point of view. In other words, I try to get people to look at the world through open eyes and an open mind instead of a very narrow view and a closed mind. I hope I did my job.

Things I am Grateful For

     There are many things that a person should be thankful for in their lives. For every person there are different things, of course, but there are still those qualities, possessions, family members, friends or whatever else could possibly be in a life that should cause gratefulness to be shown. Each day a person should stop and reflect on those things and say a silent ‘Thank you’ to whatever deity they believe in. Do people do this? Some do, some don’t but all should. I am guilty of not showing my gratitude for all the things in my life as I should. I take a lot of it for granted as most do and don’t think anything about it. That is what this is all about; I want the gods to know that I am grateful for what I have. I can list a lot of things and still leave a lot out. I just think it is time that I start to say, “Thank the gods for what I have.”

     

     This is a small list, by far incomplete and definitely not in order from most to least.

        §  My sons and daughters- Jaquie, Michael, Jennifer and Andrew

        §  My closest friends- Julian, Sonya, Bob, Moses and Billy 

  §  My friends that aren’t around as much- Josh, Dianna, Springer, Alan, SherBear, Swainey and

           ·         Morgan, Debbie and her family and a host of others too numerous to list

        §  My extended family- brother and sisters, nieces and nephews, in-laws and out-laws

        §  My mother and my dad (my dad is gone but I am so thankful that I had him as long as I did)

        §  My health

        §  My home

        §  I have a job that pays the bills

        §  I have food to eat and the family does not go hungry

        §  I am a free man living in a still free country

        §  My education and intelligence gained throughout a lifetime of learning

        §  My children are healthy and happy

        §  My faith and beliefs

     I know that this is, by far, an incomplete list but these things are what I am most thankful for at this time. I thank the gods of Valhalla for all that I have and have had over the decades that I have been on this rock. I know that there are things that are coming my way, things that I need, or will need, and things that I want. All will manifest as it has been written and the Fates have woven into this life for me. For all this, and more, “Thank you.”

Free Will

Free will; Man’s greatest gift and yet his greatest curse. Without free will we would do what we were told, when we were told to do it, how we were told to do it and when to stop doing it. Simply put we would be automatons controlled by someone who was an automaton for someone else. It is free will that gives us the chance to make choices in our lives. It is free will that allows us to do good or evil. It is free will that makes us who and what we are and will become. That is what makes free will the greatest gift we have.

Free will also allows us the chance to make bad choices. Do I eat that boston cream filled éclair or stay on the diet and lose those extra fifty pounds? Do I keep smoking cigarettes and ruin my lungs or stop and let my lungs regenerate back into healthy organs? Do I keep walking or pick up that item that doesn’t belong to me without paying for it? Free will determines the answer to all decisions we have. What we do depends on our core beliefs and moral values. If we have been raised to be good, gentle law abiding citizens and our free will let us keep those values we will more than likely do the good thing. But, we have prisons full of people that took their free will and made the bad choice.

When a person likes another it is the free will of each that will determine how that relationship progresses or how it withers before becoming anything. John has a crush on Jane. Jane has her eye on Jerry who happens to be in a relationship. The choices people make here are all according to their free will. Who wins and who loses is all determined by each participant’s free will. There will always be conflict and there will always be winners and losers. John cannot force Jane to like him and Jane cannot force Jerry out of his current relationship. One cannot supersede another’s free will and make them do what one wants.

In today’s society it is rare that a relationship lasts any length of time at all. Why is this? It is because people have free will and make bad choices. A person will end a relationship simply because they have chosen not to continue it. It is plain and simple. They are using their free will to make a choice to end that relationship for whatever reason they can come up with. This is what makes free will a curse. People have become hedonistic to the point that if they feel slighted in the least they are willing to throw away whatever causes them the least bit of pain.

I think I would be safe to say that free will is controlled by our emotions, our desires and our needs. What we love, what we desire and what we need all determine what our actions will be. If we are hungry but have no money to feed ourselves what would a person do to eat? Our free will gives us the choices to either steal something to eat, beg some food from someone or work for some food. There is no one that can control another’s free will. A person can try to manipulate someone into a choice, debate an issue and change a the other’s perception or just argue a point to change in idea but a person will believe what they believe, do what they do or be with whom they want simply because it is their choice to do so. Their free will, their ability to make their own choices, controls all things in their life.

What would happen if we did not have our free will? Let’s put it into the relationship from above. John likes Jane but Jane is interested in Jerry. If there was no free will we wouldn’t have the choice of who we were with. Someone above us all would determine whether John is with Jane or Jane is with Jerry or even if John is with Jerry. John wants Jane to the point of obsession. They are at a party that has a hypnotist as a guest. John asks the hypnotist to make Jane like him. That would go against her free will and is extremely immoral. If she had no free will John’s request would be completely accepted. The hypnotist would put the suggestion in her subconscious that she was madly in love with John and he would get what he wants.

If we go one step further and say the both John and Jerry are obsessed with Jane. If Jane did not have free will to make her own choices what would happen?  Like the Trojan War, Greece and Troy fighting because of Helen, John and Jerry would fight over her with her having to sit back and wait to see who would ‘win’ her. Every person needs to have the ability to choose his/her own destiny. For good or evil our choices make us who we are. We are masters of our own destiny and we, alone, determine where our destiny lies. Our free will is the one most important factor in that. We do not always make right choices but if we did what would we learn?

I have witnessed people making bad, extremely bad, choices and tried to show them that. It is much better to learn from other’s mistakes than to go through the pain they did. But, as mi hijo as said to me many times, “I know you’ve tried to tell me but I have to go through it to fully understand it.” He has to learn by fire to get it through his head. My daughter has made some really bad choices in her short life but says the same thing. It is not a good thing when a person has to tell someone else, “I told you so. I told you this would happen.” Let each person use their free will to learn. Warn, advise and then be there to pick up the pieces when your loved ones fall on their faces and hope that they don’t make such bad choices as to ruin their lives. Their free will dictates where they go, your leadership, your wisdom and your teaching will have a big impact on that free will of those you love most. Make sure your free will dictates the right things to those people. Use the gift not the curse.

Who am I?

Who am I? Is what I see actually me? Or is it just a ghost, a shadow of some long forgotten existence? If I am just a shadow, who is that long forgotten entity I am the remainder of; a hero, a jester, a knight or a knave? Could I have been a king or just a peasant; maybe a mighty wizard or a lowly apprentice? No matter who or what I was, what remains of that person; the entire personality, core values, wants and needs or a mix of these things from that long forgotten man?

Who am I? I have lived before, long ago in an age of danger and enchantment. A time when sorcerers held more sway in what happened than anyone, even a king. It was a time when dragons terrorized villages and castles without regard to human life.  But, who was I? My ‘now’ is the mirror image of my past. If this is true then I was nothing more than street trash, doing what had to be done to survive, no matter the cost to ego, self or reputation. I was a beggar, a thief, a sorry shadow of a human being willing to be whatever to whomever; a consort, a stable-hand, a soldier, a spy. I was as expendable as the morning chamber-pot. But, is that what I am now? Is that all I can ever be?

Who am I? In this life, in this time, I have done whatever I needed to do to survive. I have been that beggar, that thief, stable-hand and soldier. My core values have been shredded more than once just so my family could survive. But, this is not everything. Those bygone days of yore left an indelible mark upon my soul. A mark that the gods of old branded me with so never to be released from my servitude. Zeus and Ganymede, Greek offerings, Egyptian ransoms and Roman perversions all are etched into my very soul.

So who am I? I am a monster. An ambiguous sense of being that manifests nothing but harm to others simply for the enjoyment contrived thereof. A Kraken, a dragon, a vampire, a werewolf, all together in a man’s body, disguised as a moral human only to have the monster unleash its’ unholy terror when it feels compelled to do so. I am the bane of humanity. A curse placed upon this earth for the entertainment of gods long forgotten; Odin, Hel, Freya, Loki, Thor, Heimdall and a host of others, laughing and taunting me endlessly into the night and beyond.

Instead of the question: Who am I? It should be asked: What am I? It is not feasible for an entity that is not human to be “who” but only a “what.” What I am, humanity does not recognize as being even close to human. I am a monster of such magnitude that if I were to unleash the totality of my horror the world would not survive. As it is, only a small fraction of a fraction is ever released at one time and that is more than the man can endure. The man is held captive by the monster for it needs a vessel for survival in this world.

The man tears and strains against the bonds that hold him tethered to this hideous creature, only to find that even Fenrir could not break free from these bonds. Where is Tyr? Who will place their hand in the mouth of the Wolf now? Will the man be ever a slave to the monster or will the mighty gods of the Celts save him from his fate? The norns are weaving and unweaving a life of misery, laughing at the suffering they cause. Oh, Frigg, save this mortal man, beseech the mercy of the All-Father so that the suffering might end.

When two minds are battling for one space throughout eons, weariness overcomes the weaker and the stronger beholds victory. This battle is almost at an end. The monster has risen more frequently and more forcefully as time continues. I fear that what will become of the man is nothing more than a forgotten ghost, placed among those things no longer needed or believed in. The man will fade from existence and the monster will devour his soul and the hedonistic ways of evil will prevail. Woe to those who will behold the life left. Evil will prevail with no thoughts of family or friends. Only the desires of the creature will continue. No heed will be given to harm done to anyone or anything in its quest for the whim of pleasure, both physical and mental.

I rue the day I am lost to this. The most foul of things from the darkest corners of Hades, the deepest pits of Tartarus could not contain the evil that will be set upon the earth. Neither foe, nor friend, will escape unscathed. Loved ones will turn to hate the man for all that will be done through him. They will not fathom the reason why he has turned away from good and just and right. Neither man, nor woman, will fail to catch his attention. Greek and Roman will prevail. Caligula, Augustus, Prometheus, all will bow to the deviantness of the creature.

Behold the evil within us. All have it at their beck and call. Most keep it bound tightly, never allowing it a second of freedom. Once the freedom is tasted, it lusts after all it can acquire. Lust is all it knows. Both man and woman and yet, neither. It takes nothing more than a thought to provoke this part of the monster. A thought, a scent, a sight or even a memory can bring forth the desire of physical pleasure. Not just desire, but a need most powerful; a need not to be unfulfilled. This is the hedonist in the creature. This is what will destroy the man totally.

Pleasure of the senses. Taste- only the finest mead, sound- only the most melodious of flutes, touch- naked flesh under the softest silk, sight-the most beautiful visions of man and nature and smell- only the odors of love will satiate the beast. This is what is to come of me. A man lost in a world unknown to him, yet, known.

So, who am I? Just a man. A man hoping for forgiveness from those that may be harmed by the beast within. A man that knows he cannot fight the beast another day. A man who, as much as he tried, will fall to the whims of a mirthless god.

The More I See People The More I Like Fish

The more I see people, the more I like fish. I’ve said this repeatedly for the last twenty years and people just didn’t understand it. Most people still don’t understand what I mean when I say it. It is not that difficult to understand the concept. Look at it this way: when you deal with people what are you actually dealing with? A lot of two-timing, drama inducing, judgemental, back-stabbing assholes. When you deal with fish what are you dealing with? A being that is quiet, doesn’t require much care, will not talk about you behind your back and, as long as you put in some food once a day and clean the tank once a month, will not give you any problems.

Be honest. I know that is actually a foreign concept for most people as most people think they have to be exactly what they think everyone wants them to be, but if you are totally honest  (which is actually quite easy if you try) you will understand what I am trying to say. If it were up to you it would be much easier to deal with fish than with the people that surround you most of the time. Admit it: you really don’t even like most of the people around you. They are there simply to fill a void that cannot be filled by anything else.

I used to have dozens, literally dozens, of people around me at all times. I didn’t think that I could get by without those people around me, at least until they weren’t there. When everyone disappeared I realized that the quiet was actually quite enjoyable. There was no one there to take advantage of my kindness, no one to steal from me, no one to talk about me behind my back. It was beautiful. I could finally be, well, me. I didn’t have to try to impress anyone or be someone that I wasn’t.

I think the biggest thing is that I didn’t have to deal with all the stupidity. People are stupid in a way that no other living creature is. Nature has a way of dealing with stupid:  it’s called survival of the fittest; stupid just doesn’t come into the equation until you input humanity. We are the stupidest of all of the god’s creations with all of our knowledge and civilized way of life. We are creative, intelligent and adaptive yet we give up all of what we are when we give up intuition and common sense. When a creature lives to get all they can from whoever they can get it from regardless of the hurt it causes and without conscience we become a parasite. There are very few humans that are deserving of life.

Mother Theresa and the Dali Lama are two that are very deserving of life. They give (gave) without thought of personal gain of any kind. They loved without regard to race, religion, creed, sexual orientation, color or nationality. They knew not about getting ahead of the ‘other guy’ because the ‘other guy’ might just get more than them or get there before them. The clock had nothing to do with their timeline. Let me put that into perspective for all you corporate go-getters.

It’s five o’clock in the afternoon in any major metropolitan area in the country on Friday afternoon, the western sky is bathed in the golden glow of a winter sundown. The roads are, as truck drivers would say, dry and dusty and no precipitation is anticipated until after the weekend. As you pull onto the freeway what is it that is first noticeable? For anyone that isn’t used to it the first thing would be the traffic at almost a complete standstill with three to six lanes going in each direction depending on what city you’re in. That’s right, a COMPLETE standstill in ALL lanes. Why? Because Joe Blow in the Beemer there has to get ahead of Jim Dirt in the Ford Taurus because Jim just might not be going as fast as Joe when traffic clears and Joe is much more important than Jim because he drives a Beemer and that Taurus is just so below being in front of him.

Then, oh my bloody god, there comes a semi-truck! We all know that trucks go so much slower than anyone else so we have to stay ahead of it no matter what. If we have to drive on the shoulder at faster-than-light speed we will just to get ahead of that truck, then we can slow down once we get back into the lane of traffic. Of, shit! Here you are, out in what a driver calls the ‘hammer lane’ (that means it’s for fast traffic) going as fast as you can possibly go and there, just a few feet in front of you is your exit that you’ve taken every weekday for the last ten years yet you were so bent on getting in front of everyone that you weren’t paying attention to where you were. What do you do? Why you just cut across all those slower lanes of traffic regardless of traffic; after all it isn’t like there could possibly be another exit less than a mile away that you could get to much safer.

Stupidity. That is all it is; stupidity with total lack of common sense and courtesy for anyone. That was just an example of Friday night rush hour in ANY metro area in the nation. Think about it: What is so important that people cannot sit back and relax, drive safely and courteously and think about the other guy? Your house isn’t going to be gone, mom and dad aren’t moving without telling you, the wife is going to cheat on you whether you catch her or not and the Chinese take-out will still be hot when you pick it up whether it’s in ten minutes or twenty.

Trucks are a different thing altogether, they are on a time schedule. They don’t go slow because they want to, they weigh from thirty to eighty thousand pounds or more and it takes a minute to get to speed and hills slow them down because of the weight. That does not mean they want to slow your happy ass down and keep you from getting home to your dearly beloved, cheating wife and monster kids that have way too much for who they are (they don’t appreciate what they have, anyway).That professional driver does not want to keep you from that all-important rendezvous with that cute little waitress at the IHOP that is just after you for your money and your wife will find out sooner or later about it anyway. Those trucks are doing a JOB just like you got off of only their job is much more important than yours because without that truck you wouldn’t have that little foreign, or domestic, car to get to and from work, that nice thousand dollar suit that you’re wearing or the gold watch that you so desperately want. You wouldn’t have those high dollars toys that you have in and around your house. In fact, you wouldn’t have your house. Why, you ask? Because if you have it, a truck brought it, period. There is nothing that you could have, want or need that a truck does not haul to the wholesaler or retailer. Give ‘em a break.

That is a little off-subject but still needed to be said. I was talking about how stupid the human race is and THAT is even more important than letting all the idiots in moving vehicles know to leave trucks to do what they need to without being harassed.

People have this insane habit of needing to talk about people behind their backs, downgrade others and generally be dicks towards everyone else. People have this insane need to have what everyone else does, or better. You see it all the time in the skrewl system. While being indoctrinated into mainstream liberalism by the tax-payer paid educational system kids are bent on being better than everyone they think is below them. Just look at what they wear: name-brand, labeled jeans, Abercrombie shirts and two hundred dollar tennis shoes. When a kid can’t afford that those poor bastards are put down and made fun of. Why? They have Wrangler jeans and Hanes tee-shirts with Nike tennis shoes all bought from Goodwill for less than those preppy idiots paid for a pair of their Gloria Vanderbilt socks.

If a person doesn’t like someone, for whatever off-the-wall reason they could possibly have, it is normal for them to start rumors to make everyone else not like that person. Hell, they could even say something that is true but unimportant to the workings of the world, but it is something that in embarrassing; or they could bring up a handicap that some kid has (i.e., ADHD, Bipolar, Down Syndrome, etc.). All to make that person seem small and the one spouting the BS feel better about themselves. Stupid isn’t it? Yes it is but it happens every day, everywhere. It is the human condition to do this and that is why fish are much better than people. Fish don’t do that.

Let’s not forget the money. What does money have to do with liking fish over people, you ask? I’ll tell you. People are out to get as much as they can no matter who they hurt to get it. It’s a sickness with the human race to get more than they need. It isn’t like anyone can take it with them at the end of this life. I have yet to come across any fact that proves when a person leaves this life that any of the possessions they have are transferred over to their next life. Years and years of research have come up with nothing that proves it goes with you, but people still have to take more and more and more. There is only so many things you can purchase, so many things you can own, so much you can just throw away; yet people have this insane need to acquire, not just millions, but billions and billions of dollars. Why?

What do fish want? Nothing. They ask for nothing and expect nothing. What do fish do? They swim around in their little tank making not a sound. You feed them a little fish food every day or so and clean their tank once a month and those fish are happy. Not a care in the world. No noise, no messy litter box or piles of poop on the carpet; no back biting or rumor-mongering, either. Fish won’t steal from you or try to take your best girl/boyfriend from you. The most amazing thing about fish is that they have no desire to get more than they have; as long as they are fed that is all they need. If you forget to feed them and you do happen to find them belly-up in the tank… you flush them. No muss, no fuss, no expense.

Now is it understandable why I like fish better than people? If not, you are one of the 99.99999% that I really want nothing to do with because you haven’t got the sense the god’s gave a rock. I am not a racist because I hate everyone equally. I have a very limited number of people that I allow around me (not including those idiots that my children call friends) because there are a limited number of people that have common sense and intelligence, that won’t take what they can from me without permission and that I can trust with my life through years of being around them. Other than those few… the more I see people the more I like fish…

Just a Simple Question

How do you say something to someone that you really don’t want to say? Well, you do, but you don’t. What I mean is this: if there is something that you want to talk about to someone, but you don’t know how they will react to it, how do you broach the subject, especially if it isn’t a big deal if you don’t bring it up?

Sometimes I wish my mind wouldn’t work as hard as it does and there are other times when I wish it would work harder. Know what I mean? If my mind didn’t constantly keep those electrical impulses flowing between transmitters and receptors I probably wouldn’t come up with the quandaries that I do, but if those impulses would move faster and more frequently I might just come up with the answers I need without having to ask aloud those questions. Maybe I should have paid a little more attention in psychology class.

Back to the first paragraph and the subject of the moment. Let’s say that you have a friend, someone you care a lot about, that has said, or done, something that is so out of character it makes you wonder where it came from. Do you just let it pass as something that never happened and hope it doesn’t again or do you find some discreet way to question him/her about it? If you decide to question, how do you start that conversation? “Oh, and by the by, did you actually mean what you said/did the other day, or, were you just being funny?” Yeah, that should do it. They would be like, “What the eff are you talking about?”

I can see it now, plain as the nose on my face and the blue of my eyes:

Me: Hey there, friend, did you know that you said/did such and such the other day?

Friend: You crazy? I wouldn’t say/do that!

Me: I know it’s not you but you did.

Friend: I didn’t. What are trying to pull? Screw this… stay away from me.

Me: I swear to God you did. I just wanted to know if you were joking or not. Guess you weren’t.

Isn’t this how the conversation would go? I know it is. So, how do you approach it, or do you? Maybe I should just leave it alone; after all, it isn’t that important really. The Earth won’t come to an end if I don’t find out the answers that I am looking for. It all comes down to an insatiable curiosity and we all know what happened to that bloody cat. Still…

Cryptic, vague and totally insane is what I can be and I strive to not let out any information that might be too personal to anyone, other than myself (and I let too much of that out at times). Most of what I ask is, more than likely, something that someone else has gone through. I would like to tap into that experience and learn from that person. If there is anyone, anywhere, that can help it would be greatly appreciated, even if you’re from Alpha Centauri and have never been to Earth.