Relationships Today: Just a Little Advice

I think I’m going to do something a little different this weekend. Instead of something really controversial like politics or religion I’m going to delve into the realm of relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, who am I to give out advice on something that I can’t even keep together? In answer to that question I will reply that I am very experienced in what NOT to do. After being married three times, three times divorced, having children with all three, I would like to think that I have a pretty good idea of what is going on. I may be wrong on that but I’m going to go with it anyway.

I got married the first time when I was twenty and she was eighteen. She wanted away from home and I wanted someone there. Trust me when I say that when a relationship is built like that it will never work out. Two years later, after she and I were separated, along came a beautiful baby girl. Was I ready to be a parent in any way, shape or form? Not on your life. Thank the gods that my ex-wife was a hell of a lot more mature than I was. My daughter grew to be a fantastic woman with children of her own that have grown into pretty great young people. When my daughter was around three I surrendered parental rights and let her step-dad adopt her. I thought I was doing the right thing.

Relationship number two, that ended in marriage and divorce, came along a few years later when I was 27. I met this girl while I was servicing a truck where I worked. I was covered in grease and oil and this cute little thing came wandering into the shop and started complaining about being stood up by some sop that had made a movie date with her. As it ended up my buddy and I got cleaned up and we both took her to the drive in movie. It was a triple feature that I have no idea what was playing. We talked through the whole damn thing. My buddy? He sat along the wall of the drive in bored out of his mind.

This girl had a three year old boy that was adorable. He came to me one day and asked if I minded if he called me ‘Dad.’ My heart melted. After we got married I adopted him. He was a great kid and I love him as much as if he was my own blood. But, once again, the fates decided that this wasn’t the one, either. We fought constantly about everything. I was a jealous SOB and she was an eighth Crow Indian and had an evil streak that made her want to stir me up.

I was working for Schwan’s at the time and came home one night to a note on the pillow. Yeah! Can you believe that old cliché? I wasn’t sober for about three or four months. I quit working for Schwan’s and went back to real trucking.

Number three was a few months later. I picked her up in a truck stop where she was hitch hiking. It was in Columbia, MO and she was trying to get to Minneapolis. You just don’t get from the middle of Missouri to southern Minnesota very easily. I gave her ride from there to Indiana and then back to Des Moines and put her on a truck headed to Minneapolis. A couple of months later she was back and in the truck with me.

To make this story shorter, in the ten years we were together we moved from Des Moines to Portland, my beautiful baby daughter was born four months after her mother turned eighteen and my son was born two and half years later. My boy was born in New York while I was still in Portland, OR. Yeah, I’m a dick and she thought I wasn’t paying enough attention to her so she took my daughter across the country for a year. She came back to Portland and then we moved around the country while I was trucking again. We ended up in Fremont, NE where it finally came to an end.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Every time I got married it was forever but, there is that little problem of me being a dick. When I got together with the last one I told her that I didn’t own her and she didn’t own me; as long as my children were taken care of she did what she wanted and I was not going to change my lifestyle of trucking. I didn’t cheat on her. I am NOT that kind of driver. I am loyal to a fault and once committed that is all she wrote. No.3 and I never fought until that last night when she walked out on me and the kids.

Throughout all three of these relationships there is one common denominator: my attitude that I was not owned by anyone and I was going to do what I wanted regardless. Don’t get me wrong, I did my best to take care of my family and my children are my world. That was probably the biggest thing, I paid more attention to my kids than the other half. Not the best way to keep a relationship together.

In any relationship it has to be a two way street. It cannot just go one way. Give and take and if you give a little more than you take then it will, more than likely, stay together; if there is any chance that one is taking more than the other it will end in disaster. Communication is just as important. If you can’t talk things through, you get angry and go to bed that way, you will end up as bitter enemies. You have to be able to compromise in all things. And, this one is very important, if you try to change someone that you are with, you’ve lost. You didn’t fall in love with what you want to change them into. You fell in love with what they are.

In today’s world I’ve watched these kids from 14 to 20 do their utmost to get into a serious relationship and have kids. Stupidest thing they could do. These kids are just as immature as we were back in the 70’s but they think they are much more grown up. I throw down the BS card on that. These girls today think they can be moms at 14, 16, 18 years old. They can’t. And these boys won’t be ready to be dads until they reach about 30.

I’ve seen girls destroy boy’s lives because they didn’t get what they wanted, which was to have a baby, and then if they do get what they want, they destroy that poor boy’s life and her own. Well, maybe not destroy but definitely make it exponentially harder. Life is NOT easier with a baby on your hip. When I was young and you had a child, that child was yours to take care of. Today, I constantly see posts on Facebook or hear girls cry because they need time off from their children. These girls seem to think that having a living child is like taking care of that stupid doll they have in high school independent living class. It isn’t.

Who is to blame for this social problem? I blame us. By ‘us’ I mean the parents of these children that think they are grown up at 14. We have become so complacent and relaxed in parenting that these kids are basically raising themselves. That doesn’t bring about morally adept children. They start sleeping with the opposite sex at 14 just to have someone to sleep next to. Next thing you know they’re doing the dirty with whoever it is next to them without protection and then, BAM, they’re pregnant and think they’re gonna get a Sony TV. Oh, sorry. That baby that is growing in there suddenly becomes one of two things: an income from a poor, unemployed teenaged boy and the government or, it’s an inconvenience and needs to be aborted.

My best advice to anyone from 14 to 25 – stay single, enjoy life, get set financially then start thinking about getting into a serious relationship. The world isn’t going to end if you don’t get serious with someone before you’re 30. Kids are wonderful gifts that require a LOT of work and a lot of money. Stay children for as long as you can. Being grown up is not as great as what it’s advertised to be. Life is hard enough by yourself and it isn’t any easier when you have others that you are responsible for. Relationships don’t last. I’ve known people that were married for decades that broke apart. Children aren’t mature enough to even know what love is much less what commitment and loyalty are. Most girls are out to get into a boy’s wallet and get a baby for an income. Boys are out to get their wedding tackle wet, period.

Those last two statements are generalities; there are those rare boys and girls that are actually loyal and true. If you can find one, keep them. The biggest problem is that those with good hearts, the loyal, are taken advantage of more often than not by those that are so immature that they can’t see beyond their own noses. Hedonism runs rampant in today’s world and that is the saddest thing that could ever happen. Dorian Grey is king; the only problem there is that these modern Dorian’s aren’t immortal.

Boys in the Girl's Bathroom?

The year: 2016. The topic: Transgenderism. The sub-topic: use of bathrooms. Seems kind of stupid doesn’t it? After all, throughout history boys have been boys and girls have been girls. There has never been a question of what gender a person is. That is, until the 21^st century.

With the advent of an ‘enlightened’ society and everyone more worried about feelings than morality and common sense, the idea of what gender a person is, is now in question. It doesn’t seem to matter now, at least to a very small minority, that when a person is born with a penis that person is a boy and if not, it’s a girl. In today’s world, it all depends on how a person ‘identifies’ him/herself. If that boy, at whatever age, decides that he should be a girl that is what he is. If a girl decides she should be a boy that is how it is. It is all in identification of self.

As stated, this is a stupid topic. There should be no questions about a person’s gender yet, there is. The really stupid part about this is that the United States government, in its infinite liberal wisdom, has decided that it needs to get involved in this idiotic controversy and make laws pertaining to such idiocy. President Barack Hussein Obama decided that boys and girls should be allowed to use whichever bathroom they feel they identify with. In other words, boys are going to use the girl’s bathroom and vice-versa, by law.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I really don’t care whether a person is gay, bisexual or transgender or whatever. It is not my business at all. What is my business is who is in the bathroom with my wife, daughter, granddaughter, mother, sister or aunt. The argument that the liberals give is that a guy will not go think to himself, “Gee, there’s a girl going into the restroom to drop a load or pee. I think I’m going in there to watch.” That guy is probably not thinking that at all. What he’s thinking is, “Wow! There’s a good looking piece of ass going in there where no one can see what I do to her.”

Does it matter how a person ‘identifies’ him/herself? Not really. No one cares if that guy is gay or thinks he’s a woman trapped in a man’s body. If you have a penis, you are a male and need to use the guy’s bathroom. If you have a vagina, use the girl’s. There should not even be a discussion on this. Yet, thanks to the immoral minority and the far left liberals, there is a huge controversy about this.

The world really doesn’t care how you feel. The world doesn’t care how you identify. The world only cares about what is conceived as right and wrong. Right is boys use the boy’s and girls use the girl’s. Only the far left liberals believe that how a person feels is more important that what the majority believe and want. The biggest problem with that is there are more and more of those far left liberals out there every day. Why are they growing in number? The number is growing because our children are being indoctrinated into that way of thinking by going to public schools. But, that is another discussion.

If a man had gone into a woman’s restroom even two years ago they would have been arrested. Now, all they have to do is say that they identify as a woman and, BAM, they have a free pass to do what they want. Too bad I can’t identify as a multi-billionaire and miraculously become one.

What this whole thing boils down to is the liberal ideology is being shoved down the throats of the entirety of the United States regardless of what others want. Because the far left liberals are the only ones that know what is best for the rest of the country, they think that their ideology needs to be law. What they don’t realize is that their ideology is based on socialism, communism and, in some of the more extreme cases, Nazism. There is very little democracy and no capitalism in their way of thinking.

Redistribution of wealth, more government control, bigger government, tax and spend, victimization of minorities, racial division, class warfare… all are parts of their ideology and all are socialistic and communistic. As for the Nazism, it seems as though most of the far left would like to see the destruction of Judaism and the State of Israel. The left would like to see totally open borders, see nothing wrong with radical Islam (believing that Islam is a religion of peace when the Koran specifically states that ANY other religion is to be destroyed and their followers killed in the most horrific ways), they canonize immorality by uplifting abnormal behavior such as sex change, transgenderism and homo sexuality by making it the norm and anyone who opposes or speaks out against such behavior is ostracized and persecuted, Constitutional rights are there only as guidelines and used only when they suit the left, anyone who disagrees with them are xenophobic, homophobic, racist, bigots or fascists.

The Democratic Party states they are more tolerant and accepting of differing opinions, cultures and beliefs yet when they don’t get their way they riot, attack both verbally and physically those that are opposing them and destroy property. This is their idea of tolerance and acceptance. The things that they oppose are closed and protected borders, an armed nation, freedom of choice for healthcare, education and creating wealth, critical thinking, financial responsibility, self-reliance and anything conservative.

They demand that children be taken care of in one breath and the next they want the right to kill an unborn child. They demand that the country take care of foreign refugees yet refuse to take care of American homeless. They demand equal rights for minorities yet want those same rights taken from white, wealthy, Christians and Jews. They demand that Christianity be taken out of public places and schools then demand that Islam be allowed wherever it wants and be taught in schools. They demand that minorities (racial and sexual orientation) not be discriminated against yet heterosexual whites are open season. They demand the 2^nd Amendment right to keep and bear arms be done away with yet government officials and the wealthy liberals are protected by arms. Do you see the hypocrisy of the Democratic Party and the liberals?

What does all this have to do with gender and bathrooms? It has everything to do with it because it is a liberal way of shoving their ideology down the throats of the entire nation. If you are a minority, as transgender, gay, gender reassignment, etc. are, you are above what is considered as normal. We are supposed to be a civilized society. What the left wants is total enlightenment by way of destruction of what civilized society deems moral and ethical behavior.

As I have stated more than once, I am not racist and I have nothing against anyone that wants to do whatever with whomever. What I am against is being forced to accept it as normal. Do I want gays to be put back into the closet? No. Do I want people that want to change their sex to not be able to do it? No, as long as they are adults, have had counseling on the implications, etc. Do I want minorities to be discriminated against? No. I believe that we are all part of the human race and we all should have the same rights and privileges; that whatever two consenting adults want to do is their business, not mine, regardless of their same, or opposing, sex; if someone wants to change their sex, not my business. I don’t believe that government should get involved in any of these topics. The government’s job is to protect the nation against our enemies, provide for the common good, supply a military, roads and waterways and not try to tell me how to run my life.

Dr. Michael Savage has said that liberalism is a mental illness. The more I see the hypocrisy, violence and intolerance of the left; I tend to agree with him more and more. The more ‘logic’ that the left uses the more I see just how illogical they are. The left will say that conservatives are delusional in their way of thinking. When an elected official that is over the age of 50 years and can say, and believe, that a gunman will put down his weapon when he sees that no one else is armed, it becomes clear that liberalism truly is a mental illness.

These are just my thoughts, my opinions. Some of this is based on facts that have happened and some is just conjecture on my part based on observations of events. I leave it up to the readers to make up their own minds; it is not my intent to convert anyone but only to open their eyes and their minds to other ways of thinking. Is it in vain? Only you, the reader, can determine that.

Love Will Make You Stupid

“Love will make you stupid. You won’t listen to anyone, not even your own common sense.” This is a quote from The Chronicles of Nick by the great Sherrilyn Kenyon. This woman, this writer, this genius, can articulate so well that most of her work of fiction can be used as everyday quotes.

I am using this one today because it has a relevance to what is going on in a couple of people’s lives that are very close to me. I will not divulge names, they know who they are, but I hope that they will read this and get a clue.

If a boy, or girl, is in a relationship, whether legally married or just ‘shackin’ up,’ they have made a commitment to their significant other to stay true to them. If said boy, or girl, decides that they no longer want to be with that person then they break up. If they are married, it takes a little more than just saying, “I’m leaving.” A divorce takes a little bit of time and a lot of money, especially if there are children involved. There are the two main types of relationships and each will be examined.

First is the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. That is where two people are basically just dating each other. They have made a promise to each other that they will stay true and not see other people. If one of them decides that the other isn’t what they want, they break up and find someone new. That is the easy one; unless they stay with their significant other and see one or more others on the side secretly. This is the way it seems to go these days. No one stays true to anyone. They say, “I love you and will forever,” but what they are actually saying is, “I’ll stay with you because I like what you do for me until I can find someone else that can do more.”

It seems that what kids, and some adults, want is to have someone to have sex with whenever they want while all the time playing the field. No commitment, no loyalty and no worries… until they get caught be their ‘main squeeze.’ It is then that they back-peddle and try to smooth things over and keep the one they know will be there all the time. Really? Are people that stupid? Yes they are.

Now we go to the married couple. One is not happy in the relationship for one reason or another, it really doesn’t matter what the reason is. Let’s say the man is cheating on his wife He will say that he’s working late, going out with the guys or some other lame excuse he knows his wife will accept. All the while, he is out with his girlfriend doing the dirty. The girlfriend is happy because she is getting what she wants – he tells her he loves her and that he will leave his wife and they will get married and live happily ever after.

Maybe it’s the wife that is cheating. She makes all kinds of excuses to go out on the town without her husband with the same results only with some boy. The thing here is that neither one is leaving their spouse while seeing someone else. Why, if they are so unhappy, do they not file for divorce, get the divorce and THEN start seeing someone? It doesn’t matter if a person is ‘legally separated’ from their spouse, they are still ‘legally married.’ They did not take the sacred vows of marriage seriously.

The major point to this rant is this: if a person is willing to cheat on their significant other, not take their promises or vows seriously and lie to that significant other then they have no sense of commitment or loyalty to anyone. If they are more than willing to go behind their significant other with someone they think, or that actually is, a good, decent person, what makes that good, decent person think for one minute that cheater won’t cheat on them? It is my opinion that they will. A person that is willing to cheat on their partner, no matter what the circumstances, they will cheat on the person they are cheating with.

Some will say, “Well, their wife/husband has beat on them, cheated on them, done this or that to them….etc.” That may well be. If it is that bad then get the divorce, break up, whatever… but get it done and over with before you go jumping in the sack with someone else.

I come from a time when commitment meant something. If you were taken, had a partner, you didn’t cheat for any reason. If there were problems you talked about them and fixed them; you didn’t throw away a relationship because you were tired of that person. If it was an abusive relationship then the family took care of it. Most, not all but most, abusive relationships are not that abusive and, a lot of the time, the one being abused has gotten the abuser so peeved as to not know what else to do. Through experience, I would have to say that if a man hits a woman (I do NOT condone this action) she has done him so wrong that he feels she deserves it. Usually she has cheated on him numerous times or complains about everything about him or tries to control him to the point of obsession or control freak abuse herself.

Some of my observations may not be the norm, some may be way off mark but, you have to understand that after half a century of studying people that I do have a little bit of experience with a lot of different social situations. Relationships are a dime a dozen anymore because they don’t last due to lack of morality and commitment. When it comes to other people I can usually tell you within minutes how they are with the person they are with, whether they are good or bad and whether they are sincere or fake. I just wish I could do it when it comes to my own life and relationships. In that respect I fail miserably.

Your Soul Mate: Who is He/She?

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I was trying to find a good subject for a blog but couldn’t get my mind around it. Mi Hijo turned me on to this website called GoodReads that has quotes from books, authors, celebrities on other famous people. Now, I have been known to write about a lot of things that I know absolutely nothing about so I thought maybe I would try the subject of love and soul mates. I found this quote to be very enlightening. I like what Ms. Gilbert said so I will continue on with this as best I can with wit, humor and a base of knowledge that comes to the sum total of zero.

My idea of a soul mate has always been exactly what Ms. Gilbert said in that first sentence: the perfect fit. You know; that one person in the world that completes you, fills you up and you never want to be without. Isn’t that what everyone wants? Of course it is. The best friend, the lover, the confidante all rolled into one. That, my friends, is a soul mate. At least that’s what I thought it was until I read this quote and got to thinking about it. As I read through this I got to thinking about it more closely. What is a best friend? What is a confidante? We all know what a lover is.

A best friend is someone who loves you no matter who you are, what you are, where you are or anything else. They don’t care if you are rich or poor, skinny or fat, cute or ugly or even popular or an outcast. They love you for you; all of you. That best friend will also let you know when you screw up, when you are going down the wrong path or when you are on the precipice of oblivion. They let you know when you are sabotaging yourself and make you look at yourself honestly. Your walls are non-existent to them because you trust them so implicitly and because your walls are down, they are able to make you see yourself for who you are. They hold the razor to your life and can cut you to the heart, destroying you because they know everything about you. That is a best friend because they can do all that and still love you for it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. It is always up to you to change if you choose and if you choose not to they will still love you.

The confidante is that person that knows every secret in your life. Well, maybe not every secret but pretty darn close. You go to them for advice, consolation, in victory and defeat. They are the Robert to your John Kennedy. More than a best friend yet not quite because that razor isn’t in their hand like it is with the Best Friend, but they kinda hold the hand that holds the razor.

So, going on this line of thought, a soul mate is best friend, confidante and, a lot of the time, the lover, but this type of soul mate described by Ms. Gilbert is one that comes into your life, is all the above for a while and then leaves because their job is done. Once this type of soul mate has broken you down to build you up, they go somewhere else to do the same damage to someone else knowing that you are the better person for it. I kind of agree with this yet disagree because I believe that this type soul mate stays in your life as the mentor type person. Still a best friend and still someone you confide in. They still hold that damn razor. They may no longer be the lover for one reason or another but they will always be in your life simply because you will always need that person to keep you in line, show you a different route, and help you along the way to keep from falling.

Let’s go a little bit further. Let’s say that you have someone in your life that you think is your soul mate. It doesn’t matter whether that soul mate is same sex or not. You have to look at who they are and what they do for you. Is it that they just make you happy? Is it that you’ve known them forever and have been close friends your whole life? Is it because they like the same things you do? Is it because they are there when you need them no matter what? All good questions to think about.

If they just make you happy that does not make a soul mate. It just means that you like to be around them, they’re funny, and they can make you smile when you’re in a bad mood. Just about anyone can do that if they try hard enough. Go to a bloody circus and watch the clowns, if you’re not afraid of clowns. After a while that frown will turn to a smile. The same goes for if it is because they like the same things you do. I’ve known people that mimicked someone because they wanted to be like them to the point where their whole lives changed. I read something decades ago about a kid that loved Star Trek’s Spock so much that he changed himself into Spock, to the point of not even showing emotion. That doesn’t make a person a soul mate.

So you’ve known this person your whole life and have been best friends. This person would do their best to come to your aid in the middle of the night if you needed them. Most people have friends like that; most, not all. Does that make this person your soul mate? Hardly. If it did then everyone would have their soul mates without trying and no one would be looking for that special someone.

Let’s put it all together now. You have a best friend that likes everything you do, makes you happy and will come to your aid that you have known your whole life. You can even share your inner-most thoughts, fears and dreams with this person. They might even know you better than most but that does not mean they are your soul mate. Re-read Ms. Gilbert’s description and you’ll see what I mean. A soul mate will tear you down, make you see yourself honestly, help you find yourself, guide you, advise you, be there for you, tear up your ego a little just to make you see yourself more honestly and then build a stronger you.

A true soul mate, that one person that comes into your life that so special, is a rarity; so much so that when you find that person you should grab hold of him/her and love them with all your heart and soul and never let them go. The true soul mate, whether same sex or not, will be more to you than anyone else; loyal, trustworthy, the confidante, the conscience, the guide, the mentor and could possibly even be the lover. Most people see their soul mate as the lover simply because they believe their soul mate is opposite sex. If that soul mate is same sex it can, and sometimes does, include a sexual relationship, albeit, discreet and secret.

The vast majority of people believe that sex is an integral part of soul mates. If it is a same sex person then is sex that important? To some it is, others it is not. A person can be straighter than a stripper pole and still be in an intimate relationship with someone that is same sex. Both parties can be straight and still be in that same sex relationship if there is trust, loyalty, devotion and love. Then, the soul mate relationship will be totally complete as the majority sees it. The sexual side, if same sex, is unknown to the world but enjoyed by the two involved behind closed doors.

So, when you find that special someone, and if you haven’t, you will, it won’t matter who they are, how old they are, what sex they are or where they are in life, they will be there for you and love you more than anyone else could or would, so take hold of them like a drowning man grabs a life preserver. Keep them close and believe that, no matter what, they are there and there is nothing that you could do or say that will ever make them not love you. Trust him/her to always have your back, never cut you down, never humiliate you, always build you up and to love you with all their heart and soul. There is that someone out there for you. All you have to do is open your eyes and see.

Who am I?

Who am I? Is what I see actually me? Or is it just a ghost, a shadow of some long forgotten existence? If I am just a shadow, who is that long forgotten entity I am the remainder of; a hero, a jester, a knight or a knave? Could I have been a king or just a peasant; maybe a mighty wizard or a lowly apprentice? No matter who or what I was, what remains of that person; the entire personality, core values, wants and needs or a mix of these things from that long forgotten man?

Who am I? I have lived before, long ago in an age of danger and enchantment. A time when sorcerers held more sway in what happened than anyone, even a king. It was a time when dragons terrorized villages and castles without regard to human life.  But, who was I? My ‘now’ is the mirror image of my past. If this is true then I was nothing more than street trash, doing what had to be done to survive, no matter the cost to ego, self or reputation. I was a beggar, a thief, a sorry shadow of a human being willing to be whatever to whomever; a consort, a stable-hand, a soldier, a spy. I was as expendable as the morning chamber-pot. But, is that what I am now? Is that all I can ever be?

Who am I? In this life, in this time, I have done whatever I needed to do to survive. I have been that beggar, that thief, stable-hand and soldier. My core values have been shredded more than once just so my family could survive. But, this is not everything. Those bygone days of yore left an indelible mark upon my soul. A mark that the gods of old branded me with so never to be released from my servitude. Zeus and Ganymede, Greek offerings, Egyptian ransoms and Roman perversions all are etched into my very soul.

So who am I? I am a monster. An ambiguous sense of being that manifests nothing but harm to others simply for the enjoyment contrived thereof. A Kraken, a dragon, a vampire, a werewolf, all together in a man’s body, disguised as a moral human only to have the monster unleash its’ unholy terror when it feels compelled to do so. I am the bane of humanity. A curse placed upon this earth for the entertainment of gods long forgotten; Odin, Hel, Freya, Loki, Thor, Heimdall and a host of others, laughing and taunting me endlessly into the night and beyond.

Instead of the question: Who am I? It should be asked: What am I? It is not feasible for an entity that is not human to be “who” but only a “what.” What I am, humanity does not recognize as being even close to human. I am a monster of such magnitude that if I were to unleash the totality of my horror the world would not survive. As it is, only a small fraction of a fraction is ever released at one time and that is more than the man can endure. The man is held captive by the monster for it needs a vessel for survival in this world.

The man tears and strains against the bonds that hold him tethered to this hideous creature, only to find that even Fenrir could not break free from these bonds. Where is Tyr? Who will place their hand in the mouth of the Wolf now? Will the man be ever a slave to the monster or will the mighty gods of the Celts save him from his fate? The norns are weaving and unweaving a life of misery, laughing at the suffering they cause. Oh, Frigg, save this mortal man, beseech the mercy of the All-Father so that the suffering might end.

When two minds are battling for one space throughout eons, weariness overcomes the weaker and the stronger beholds victory. This battle is almost at an end. The monster has risen more frequently and more forcefully as time continues. I fear that what will become of the man is nothing more than a forgotten ghost, placed among those things no longer needed or believed in. The man will fade from existence and the monster will devour his soul and the hedonistic ways of evil will prevail. Woe to those who will behold the life left. Evil will prevail with no thoughts of family or friends. Only the desires of the creature will continue. No heed will be given to harm done to anyone or anything in its quest for the whim of pleasure, both physical and mental.

I rue the day I am lost to this. The most foul of things from the darkest corners of Hades, the deepest pits of Tartarus could not contain the evil that will be set upon the earth. Neither foe, nor friend, will escape unscathed. Loved ones will turn to hate the man for all that will be done through him. They will not fathom the reason why he has turned away from good and just and right. Neither man, nor woman, will fail to catch his attention. Greek and Roman will prevail. Caligula, Augustus, Prometheus, all will bow to the deviantness of the creature.

Behold the evil within us. All have it at their beck and call. Most keep it bound tightly, never allowing it a second of freedom. Once the freedom is tasted, it lusts after all it can acquire. Lust is all it knows. Both man and woman and yet, neither. It takes nothing more than a thought to provoke this part of the monster. A thought, a scent, a sight or even a memory can bring forth the desire of physical pleasure. Not just desire, but a need most powerful; a need not to be unfulfilled. This is the hedonist in the creature. This is what will destroy the man totally.

Pleasure of the senses. Taste- only the finest mead, sound- only the most melodious of flutes, touch- naked flesh under the softest silk, sight-the most beautiful visions of man and nature and smell- only the odors of love will satiate the beast. This is what is to come of me. A man lost in a world unknown to him, yet, known.

So, who am I? Just a man. A man hoping for forgiveness from those that may be harmed by the beast within. A man that knows he cannot fight the beast another day. A man who, as much as he tried, will fall to the whims of a mirthless god.

Love is Not Sex

Over the course of my lifetime I have discovered something that is so disturbing that it makes me distrust the human race more than any other thing. This one thing, as insignificant as it may seem, is probably the one most important cause of rebelliousness, disrespect, disloyalty and disobedience in our society. Rumors are started and spread like wildfire over this. Lives are ruined because of it. The sad part is that it would be easy to change the attitude about it if people would stop being sheeple and start being human again; if the sheeple of the world would open their eyes and minds and start standing up for themselves instead of being blind followers to an evil empire.

What is this one thing that I speak of? Love. Easy, right? Hold the phone! What does love have to do with all the ills of the world? It isn’t love per se, but the lack thereof. People, by and large, have become so self-absorbed that the only person they love, if they love anyone at all, are themselves. Most parents, even, don’t care about their children other than to make sure they don’t get them into trouble. Notice I said ‘most,’ not all, but most. There are those parents that love their children more than life itself. Those are not the parents that I am talking about.

People have gotten to believe that no one can care about anyone outside of family unless sex is involved. If a person cares about another person they have to have ulterior motives, read ‘sexual;’ this is not always the scenario. There are those people that have enough familial love to care about others as their own children, parents or brother/sister. It is the simple-minded, narrow-minded or secretly perverted people that think otherwise; that think a man/woman cannot love another’s child as their own or a child can’t look at an adult as a surrogate parent. It are those type people that spread rumors of perversion and illegal/immoral behavior between an adult and child.

Over the past several years I have had dozens of kids in my house that are friends of my kids. Ninety nine percent of these kids have come to me and said, “I wish I had a dad like you.” I would always tell them that they really didn’t. The only reason they said that was because I was not responsible for them and if they would talk to my kids they would tell them I could be a real dick at times. Out of all those kids, the ones that asked my advice, that listened to my ‘old man’ stories, that were not judged for their mistakes and were accepted for who they were, only a handful actually followed my advice. Those that did not, well, they have gone on doing the drugs and drinking, stealing and generally being bad examples of humanity. It is the ones that did listen that have gone on to be productive members of society.

To go on further, only two of all those kids are still in my life on a regular basis. I call these two boys my sons. I love them just as much as I love my own two kids and treat them as if they were my own children. I watched these two grow from two ‘loser’ weed smoking teens into two of the most responsible young adults in town. Anyone would be proud to call them their sons and I know their mother is very proud of them. I am proud of them for what they have become. They still have their issues, as everyone does, but they are more responsible, loyal and trustworthy than nearly anyone else in this town. The best part is that they both tell me that I had a large part in what they became and they love me like a father.

Why bring this up, you ask? Because rumors abound; it isn’t right that I should love these boys like I do. They shouldn’t love me the way they do. There just has to be some immoral activity going on. That could not be further from truth. These two boys are sons to me, period. One, in particular, spends a lot of time with me, which I enjoy immensely. We talk about everything. I give him advice, he tells me of his exploits, we discuss books, movies and music and we enjoy each other’s company. My home is his home. My children treat him as a brother. Yet, rumors abound that there is more to this relationship than a father/son scenario all because it isn’t right that this type relationship exists.

Both of these boys have been in my life a long time and neither have ever asked anything from me, taken anything from me or expected anything from me other than friendship. They have earned their place in my life and the life of my own children. The have earned the love they receive from me and my kids and they return that love in kind. To think anything different is insane and those that do think there is something perverted about it are the perverted ones. It takes a very small mind to think the way a lot of people do.

I told this story as an example of the problems with humanity; most of the world thinks in the small way that most of the people in my town do. Humanity is self-destructive and have no sense of self-worth. If the sheeple of the world actually had faith in themselves and weren’t so self-absorbed this world would be a much better place and a lot of innocent people’s lives would not be ruined by rumors and untruths. This is also one of the biggest reasons that I have become a recluse, isolating myself from humanity. I refuse to think in a way that is detrimental to the basic instincts of mankind. I believe in the ultimate good in everyone and every day I am shown that people would rather embrace the evil, dark side of their being instead of the loving, open and kind side. Until humanity gets back to its’ roots and realizes that there is more to life than bigotry, racism, perversion, hate and the multitude of phobias against each other the world is doomed to destruction.