Your Soul Mate: Who is He/She?

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

I was trying to find a good subject for a blog but couldn’t get my mind around it. Mi Hijo turned me on to this website called GoodReads that has quotes from books, authors, celebrities on other famous people. Now, I have been known to write about a lot of things that I know absolutely nothing about so I thought maybe I would try the subject of love and soul mates. I found this quote to be very enlightening. I like what Ms. Gilbert said so I will continue on with this as best I can with wit, humor and a base of knowledge that comes to the sum total of zero.

My idea of a soul mate has always been exactly what Ms. Gilbert said in that first sentence: the perfect fit. You know; that one person in the world that completes you, fills you up and you never want to be without. Isn’t that what everyone wants? Of course it is. The best friend, the lover, the confidante all rolled into one. That, my friends, is a soul mate. At least that’s what I thought it was until I read this quote and got to thinking about it. As I read through this I got to thinking about it more closely. What is a best friend? What is a confidante? We all know what a lover is.

A best friend is someone who loves you no matter who you are, what you are, where you are or anything else. They don’t care if you are rich or poor, skinny or fat, cute or ugly or even popular or an outcast. They love you for you; all of you. That best friend will also let you know when you screw up, when you are going down the wrong path or when you are on the precipice of oblivion. They let you know when you are sabotaging yourself and make you look at yourself honestly. Your walls are non-existent to them because you trust them so implicitly and because your walls are down, they are able to make you see yourself for who you are. They hold the razor to your life and can cut you to the heart, destroying you because they know everything about you. That is a best friend because they can do all that and still love you for it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. It is always up to you to change if you choose and if you choose not to they will still love you.

The confidante is that person that knows every secret in your life. Well, maybe not every secret but pretty darn close. You go to them for advice, consolation, in victory and defeat. They are the Robert to your John Kennedy. More than a best friend yet not quite because that razor isn’t in their hand like it is with the Best Friend, but they kinda hold the hand that holds the razor.

So, going on this line of thought, a soul mate is best friend, confidante and, a lot of the time, the lover, but this type of soul mate described by Ms. Gilbert is one that comes into your life, is all the above for a while and then leaves because their job is done. Once this type of soul mate has broken you down to build you up, they go somewhere else to do the same damage to someone else knowing that you are the better person for it. I kind of agree with this yet disagree because I believe that this type soul mate stays in your life as the mentor type person. Still a best friend and still someone you confide in. They still hold that damn razor. They may no longer be the lover for one reason or another but they will always be in your life simply because you will always need that person to keep you in line, show you a different route, and help you along the way to keep from falling.

Let’s go a little bit further. Let’s say that you have someone in your life that you think is your soul mate. It doesn’t matter whether that soul mate is same sex or not. You have to look at who they are and what they do for you. Is it that they just make you happy? Is it that you’ve known them forever and have been close friends your whole life? Is it because they like the same things you do? Is it because they are there when you need them no matter what? All good questions to think about.

If they just make you happy that does not make a soul mate. It just means that you like to be around them, they’re funny, and they can make you smile when you’re in a bad mood. Just about anyone can do that if they try hard enough. Go to a bloody circus and watch the clowns, if you’re not afraid of clowns. After a while that frown will turn to a smile. The same goes for if it is because they like the same things you do. I’ve known people that mimicked someone because they wanted to be like them to the point where their whole lives changed. I read something decades ago about a kid that loved Star Trek’s Spock so much that he changed himself into Spock, to the point of not even showing emotion. That doesn’t make a person a soul mate.

So you’ve known this person your whole life and have been best friends. This person would do their best to come to your aid in the middle of the night if you needed them. Most people have friends like that; most, not all. Does that make this person your soul mate? Hardly. If it did then everyone would have their soul mates without trying and no one would be looking for that special someone.

Let’s put it all together now. You have a best friend that likes everything you do, makes you happy and will come to your aid that you have known your whole life. You can even share your inner-most thoughts, fears and dreams with this person. They might even know you better than most but that does not mean they are your soul mate. Re-read Ms. Gilbert’s description and you’ll see what I mean. A soul mate will tear you down, make you see yourself honestly, help you find yourself, guide you, advise you, be there for you, tear up your ego a little just to make you see yourself more honestly and then build a stronger you.

A true soul mate, that one person that comes into your life that so special, is a rarity; so much so that when you find that person you should grab hold of him/her and love them with all your heart and soul and never let them go. The true soul mate, whether same sex or not, will be more to you than anyone else; loyal, trustworthy, the confidante, the conscience, the guide, the mentor and could possibly even be the lover. Most people see their soul mate as the lover simply because they believe their soul mate is opposite sex. If that soul mate is same sex it can, and sometimes does, include a sexual relationship, albeit, discreet and secret.

The vast majority of people believe that sex is an integral part of soul mates. If it is a same sex person then is sex that important? To some it is, others it is not. A person can be straighter than a stripper pole and still be in an intimate relationship with someone that is same sex. Both parties can be straight and still be in that same sex relationship if there is trust, loyalty, devotion and love. Then, the soul mate relationship will be totally complete as the majority sees it. The sexual side, if same sex, is unknown to the world but enjoyed by the two involved behind closed doors.

So, when you find that special someone, and if you haven’t, you will, it won’t matter who they are, how old they are, what sex they are or where they are in life, they will be there for you and love you more than anyone else could or would, so take hold of them like a drowning man grabs a life preserver. Keep them close and believe that, no matter what, they are there and there is nothing that you could do or say that will ever make them not love you. Trust him/her to always have your back, never cut you down, never humiliate you, always build you up and to love you with all their heart and soul. There is that someone out there for you. All you have to do is open your eyes and see.