Relationships: A Two Way Street

Any relationship takes two people that feel the same way toward each other. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship it is; boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, parent/child, friend/friend or even partners in business. If both parties don’t feel the same way toward each other there is no relationship, it is just an arrangement that is mutually acceptable.

Let’s take the example of boy/girlfriend. John really likes Sally; REALLY likes her. Sally, on the other hand, only thinks of John as that kid from class. The time comes for the Yule Dance and Sally hasn’t been asked, which John knows, so he asks her. Without anyone else asking, she acquiesces and goes with him. This is a major victory for John and a major let down for Sally, but she makes the best of it. Throughout the night she sees that John does have some redeeming qualities and they become boy/girlfriend. John still thinks the world of Sally and she still, basically, thinks of him as that kid from class. Is there a relationship here? Not really. John is in a relationship with the love of his life and Sally is still working the field, looking for someone better.

A husband and wife must both look at the other with mutual respect and adoration. Give-and-take is the rules. Oliver looks at Molly as his possession and demands that she do all the housework, cooking and taking care of the kids while he earns the living. She has no friends unless he agrees to it and they are mostly his friends. He controls the money, but she pays the bills. Oliver doles out just enough cash to pay for what needs paid and no more. When the lights go out and the kids are sleeping, guess what? You got it! Time to do the dirty whether she wants to or not. Barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen is Oliver’s way of thinking about his wife. This is definitely a one-way street and there is no relationship other than master and slave.

Children are stuck with the parents they have, unless mom and dad have no relationship and go out and find someone new. Still, child has only one mom and one dad, albeit numerous step-parents which don’t count. This, too, is a two-way street. You don’t get respect unless you give it and just because they are your relatives that does not mean you have to love them; that is also earned. Abuse and humiliation are not classified as discipline. Parents nurture and teach their children and the children in return grow and become productive members of society; most of the time. I read, or heard, somewhere that the father/son relationship in Scotland is one of two ways: best mates or mortal enemies. One is a good relationship and the other is not. Even enemies have a relationship as they mutually hate each other.

Friends are fickle. One day Jill is Amber’s best friend and the next Melody has that title. If you have a friend, a true friend, that person will not talk about you behind your back (unless it is to build you up), will go through hell and back for you and always be there for you no matter what. If you don’t feel the same way are you truly a friend? Loyalty is the key word here. A true friend relationship is built around respect and loyalty. If both aren’t at the same level, or on the same page, then the relationship doesn’t exist as you thought it did. The friend relationship is only that of acquaintances.

Business partners definitely have to be mutually agreeable. That doesn’t mean they always have to agree on everything but they both must have the same goals. If they don’t then one is just out to get one over on the other and be an ass.

Love is a many splendored thing as the song goes and it is, if it is given and returned equally. A person can love another with all their heart and soul, but if the recipient doesn’t feel the same way, it is wasted emotion (which is the case more times than not). It is almost like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich where, when constructed correctly is the ultimate in culinary delight, the jelly is on the wrong side of the bread; makes for a messy time of it. In this day and age, when money goes out the door, love goes out the window. People aren’t in a loving relationship for the other person; they are in that relationship for what they can get out of it, no more, no less. The last generation to have loyalty and respect for the other partner was pre-1960s. You heard me correctly. The hippy-generation is what did away with being loyal to your partner with ‘free-love’ and multiple partners simultaneously.

My father passed away in 1985 and my mother made this statement: I had the best why would I want anyone else? She has been alone since his passing without even thinking about getting even a boyfriend (little late now as she is almost 87). That was a relationship. Not only were my parents married for 35 years before my dad passed, but even after his passing my mother is still loyal to him. My generation did away with all that. Now we have the throw-away generation. There is no loyalty, respect or morality. Everyone is still looking for someone better.

Don’t get me wrong, love is a great thing; I just don’t believe in it anymore between two people as partners. I love my children, my parents, my siblings, family and friends, but to actually love someone as a life-mate… nope. Ain’t no such thing anymore. People become enamored with someone and think it is love. It isn’t. It is lust and physical attraction is not a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. Don’t get me wrong, you have to be physically attracted to your mate or it won’t work, either, but to be so emotionally into them that you would give your life for them is more important to make the relationship last.

I would ‘take the bullet’ for my kids, any one of them or all-together. ANY of them, including the ones that were adopted by their step-parents, the ones that I adopted and the ones that I just ‘claim’ as my kids (there are several in this category). I love them all. Some would say I care too much about them. I love them enough to die for them, literally. Do they appreciate that? Some do, some don’t. The ones that don’t I really don’t have a relationship with, do I? No. I love them but they don’t return it the same way. In this respect I am like the first example of John and Sally… I’m the sap while they get all the rewards. Not very healthy emotionally is it?

To finish this before it becomes a novel, think about your relationships and how you really feel about the people in your life. If you are honest with yourself you will see that all is not as you think it is.