The Monster and the Saint

By Jay D Evans

      In long forgotten days, many eons past, I was a king. I ruled over many millions of subservient subjects that would live and die by my words. With the wave of a hand a man could lose his life or gain land and title. I was a god, worshiped and praised. Without thought or concern I would rule my people. Justice was meted out swiftly and without mercy. I was a tyrant.

     In those years of my rule, two millennia long, my governance went from one small kingdom, lesser in size than most modern day cities, to an Empire that made Rome seem small. It’s been said that at one time the sun never set on the British Empire. This is true in that Britain held lands scattered across the globe, but there was no continuity. My Empire was almost the entire continent. This was a time before time when the world was only one large continent and one ocean.

     I was not alone in my rule. As I conquered I found one that could be, was, my equal. I conquered his kingdom yet he stood before me with pride instead of fear. As he raised his sword to strike me, I looked up at him on his dais and laughed. Not to humiliate him but in mirth. The unmitigated gall of this man to stand up to me, a god, was immeasurable in honor and courage. Instead of striking him dead, I offered a partnership. We would rule together. He with his wisdom and courage, me with my might and savagery. Strength to weakness, weakness to strength. I was chaos and terror, he was order and justice.

     My armies lived to follow my every command. Either that or they died by my hand and my hand alone. Fear, respect, loyalty. All were demanded of every soldier from the lowest footman to the highest ranking general. No matter what the order it was to be carried out immediately; whether to conquer another, weaker, kingdom or to execute his wife, a soldier followed his orders without question and with hast. To tarry would mean death to him, his family and most likely his entire village. I was a monster

     A tyrant and a monster was I before Salai and his fairness. His temperament softened my ferocity. In matters of court, decisions were made on hard evidence, not just hear-say or the word of the accuser. If, in our eyes, the accused was acquitted of the charges against him, his accuser was sentenced for the crime. In this way there were no false accusations against innocent people. Land and title were given to the most loyal and deserving, whether from royal blood or commoner. Extortion, bribery, treason, theft and murder were dealt with instantly and mercilessly at the end of a sword. It was by my hand that thousands were executed before violence ended and peace came to that barbarous land.

     As we rode among our people they would bow down before us. Our people adored us as much the monster as I was. Salai had softened the edges and placated the people. None were hungry nor were they living in poverty. Even the women and children could walk at night without fear of being accosted by another. Our people were protected better than any other ruler had ever protected them. The only thing they had to fear was me.

     As our reign came to an end after two millennia, our Empire began to crumble. With my advanced age I was weak. I could not travel as I had as a younger man so others thought to occupy our far-off land. Salai, also, was far weaker than he had been. We secluded ourselves in our fortress venturing out only when desperately needed.

     First to be overthrown was the far south. Furthest from our home it was least protected to this kind of action. As a younger man I would have sailed the seas or rode across the land and crushed anyone that attempted to take my lands but, as time had been a predator and finally had clutched my life in its’ massive jaws, I could not make the journey and our people cried with anguish as they were overthrown. Rape, murder, arson and theft of property was the life this former peaceful land would now endure until a different time when more peaceful rulers would come and conquer the savages.

     Next was the far north. The people of this land separated into several different tribes to protect themselves from the conquering forces. Faring better than their southern neighbors, they fought the good fight and continued on as guerrilla warriors against those that would unjustly rule them. Hunger and poverty, fear and anger were what was left as this land fell from our Empire.

     It took another millennia for our Empire to completely crumble into what it started as; a small kingdom settled into a valley in the far west, protected by high bluffs and the ocean. Our armies, nothing more than an assembly of militia with broken swords and no armor, would be massacred if attacked. Our palace was no more than a shack among the other broken down dwellings of those closest to us. With no defenses, no weapons and weakened beyond caring we lay in our bed, shadows of the gods of the glory days. The Fates had caught up with the gods and laughed as we lay there, debilitated, unable to even reach for the chamber pot to relieve ourselves.

     After two thousand years of glory and godhood we were alone, save for the ghosts that haunted our memories and tortured our souls. Small and afraid, we begged for death to take us. Lying there, cold and filthy, we begged Death and he laughed. It was not to be that easy. Another half millennia passed before there was nothing left of our kingdom except our humble shack. Ruins all around, uncovered windows allowing the cold and the rain to enter, no door to keep the wolves at bay made our pitiful ending even more pitiful. It was then that Death decided to come and take us. As he carried us across the dark divide he laughed and recounted all my failures and vices. He told me of my crimes against my people and those that I conquered. I had paid the price of being the tyrant and the monster and now it was time for my eternal rest. Hel welcomed me home into her realm of the dead and I accepted my fate.

     Hel told me once again of all my transgressions but she added in all the good that Death had left out. The best, and worst, thing that I had done was entice Salai into ruling with me. He was my greatest strength and my greatest weakness. Hel understood that he had been the other half of a divided whole. It was not until I had bargained with him to rule with me that I had become a whole ruler, a whole man. Salai, also, had been only a half. He was too kind with his subjects; I, too strict. Together we became great leaders, well rounded and well loved.

     Because the ruler of the Underworld could see that we needed each other, that together we comprised a whole but apart we were but shades, she blessed, and cursed, us both. She cursed us to an eternity of life and death. Until we could love each other as we had in our lifetime as kings, we would be sentenced to living and dying over and over. During each life both of us would find the other and we would become the team we had been, with one great exception; our future lives would be filled with hurt, heartache and betrayal. Salai would be cursed with the ego of a god while I was cursed to endure his idiosyncrasies until he would once again be the man, the partner, the other half that he had been. Only then would our sentence be served and we could pass from this world to paradise, never to return to the earth to roam as men. We would be free from the bonds of life and death.

     The dark Lady of Death further sentenced me with Salai not remembering our life together while he was in mortal form. He would rebel against any idea of our past or future together. Only vague shadows of moments long past would haunt his subconscious but he would dismiss them as dreams or fantasy. It would be up to me to nudge the past into his consciousness and the memories long forgotten to re-emerge and bring him home. Through it all his deep love for me would be hidden from him, surfacing then going back into hiding.  He would be easily misled by others that would want him for his beauty, physique and charm but not for who and what he was.

     There would be times we would be inseparable and others when we would be torn apart. Neither one truly living happily unless with the other but not realizing that is what it would take. Hardship would hound us through the ages as would strife and war. As long as we remained together there will be nothing that could stop us but apart our lives would feel incomplete and misery would invade where happiness should be. It was to be my task to bring this to fruition. Salai will be the clay for me to mold into what he once was.

     This was my time in Hel’s realm. Torture to say the least. To lose my soul mate was bad enough but to be told that I would live until the end of time, over and over, to find him and lose him was more torturous than living in the darkness never seeing him again. To know that it was him, yet not, over a thousand million lives was almost unbearable. To risk reaching out to the one that is my life and knowing that he knows, but doesn’t, that I am what he needs was heart wrenching to say the least. Hel said it would not be an easy labor but would be worth enduring in the end. Salai would, at last, become the man he had been and see with clear eyes. It would be then that we would rule again gloriously and then finally come to our eternal rest in Paradise.

     Salai fared far better than I. He was taken into Paradise to spend his time until he was reborn in another place and time. His had been a far better life than mine and for his suffering alongside this tyrant, he was given a gift beyond compare. The gods took mercy on him and took the memories of the suffering from him. All he remembered was the good, the glory, the honor. It was his just reward for what I had forced upon him. I felt no bitterness for I loved him as a brother and more. We had spent several lifetimes ruling as gods. He the god of justice and me the god of chaos. Until we returned in another time and place, he would repose in Eden, not knowing our future. All was as it should be until that time we were reborn into the world.

My Atlantis, My Eden

When civilization was just beginning, I was there. The Ice Age had purged the world of those less strong and able to survive. It was I that taught this to Nature, herself; survival of the fittest. Only the strong can, and will, survive throughout eternity. Although mankind tries to keep the weak alive and coddles the infirmed, they all pass from this life into the next to try again. While they are here, though, the drain on the resources of this planet we call home is extreme. Only the strong need survive. The weak need to be disposed of so as to feed the strong. But, that is not what this is about.

When the ice receded and filled the oceans, streams and lakes, the world was clean and new. New life sprung up in every nook and cranny. Even humans developed with a fervor never before experienced. No longer would they wander aimlessly, following what game they could find to feed themselves. Planting and harvesting made the nomadic life unnecessary. Civilization started to flourish. And I was there.

The entire face of this world was changed, now there were seven continents instead of the two that had been before. Sumeria, Mesopotamia, Crete, Atlantis, all thrived in this new world. Across the ocean the ones called Mayan were growing. I was there for it all. I taught them all. They were nothing but children in my eyes. I have been, and always will be. I have been called many things: God, Ra, Zeus, Cronus, Odin, the Creator, the Devourer, Lucifer, and the Destroyer of Life. I have been all these, and more. I have been a teacher, a mentor, an architect and an engineer.

The Roman aqueducts, the Pyramids of Egypt, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon all were mine. The great City State of Atlantis, now long lost to this world, was my home and my sanctuary. In all her splendor she shone like a candle in the night, outshone by none. I was there. I rose the mountains from plains and lay waste the deserts, planted the fields and orchards across the land. Atlantis was my pride. It was her pride that led to her destruction.

Many great things were done in “The Lost City.” It was there that all was begun. There would be no Pyramids, Hanging Gardens nor aqueducts if it were not for Atlantis, and me. The great civilizations of the world began inside her glistening gates. The roads, paved with gold, silver and diamonds shone brightly in the sunlight, guiding all who entered to the palace in the center of that great city. My home. To me they all came to learn. I taught.  Philosophy, music, literature, art, architecture, engineering, sciences and all else that mankind has known down through the millennia, it was I that taught it.

White stone walls, forty feet in height, surrounded my Eden, protecting her from all that would harm her. The gates were unbreachable, made from the strongest metals, allowed only the invited into the wondrous world of Atlantis to learn what they could and then to return to their own lands. Those gates prevented entry by anyone, or anything that would attempt to destroy all that lived and thrived inside those walls.

Inside those walls lived a people so beautiful that all who laid eyes on them longed for them for the rest of their days. Bronze skin covered perpetually youthful, lithe bodies; faces that would make Venus envious topped by long, white hair. No mark would ever scar their beauty. But their true beauty lie within their hearts. Kind, giving people were they. Knowing no stranger, welcoming all as lost friends. With intelligence beyond human comprehension these were my chosen ones. They would be the salvation of humanity. And I loved them.

This is how it was for almost eight thousand years. My people grew and prospered and shared what they had with all that asked. Selflessness instilled within them genetically. Thinking not of themselves but only of others needs and giving without thought of repayment. Balance was kept within the circle of life. Atlantis was a true Camelot, the first Camelot and I was the first Arthur.

When Rome came into power with its greed and corruption, gluttonous and hedonistic ways and the quest for power, Atlantis opened its’ gates with welcoming arms. We taught the Romans how to chisel stone into beautiful statues, build magnificent structures and the engineering behind the aqueducts. It was Atlantis that built Rome, not Caesar. But the greed of Caesar was our downfall. Leaving soldiers within our gates with the pretense of learning our trades he had his Trojan Horse.

The soldiers that stayed behind were not soldiers, per se. They were spies and antagonists bent on usurping my rule and corrupting my chosen ones. Little by little they spun their lies into truths that no unweaving could change. Disharmony, deceit, mistrust and a loathing of all that was good replaced the selflessness that was so ingrained into my people’s beings. Power and physical pleasure was all they desired once the Romans had cast their evil spell. Atlantis was no longer an Eden, it was now a den of inequity. Sodom and Gomorrah were less evil than my Eden in those days. I knew that no longer would the Atlanteans be the salvation of mankind, but its’ eventual downfall.

It was in that time that Judea was rife with rumors of a child to be born. This child was to be the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, and the salvation of man from sin. He was to be the Christ child, the son of God, born of a virgin. I knew that the chosen one of this God would be better suited to the task than my people. Atlantis should perish to protect mankind. With power beyond all else my people would destroy the world, lay waste all that existed. Technology and power are things not to be played with, but to be used for the good of man. My chosen people would use that power against all that came against them. I loved them but, they could not do what I foresaw.

The gates were closed at twilight as had been done for over eight millennia and by the midnight hour the city was slumbering. It was then that I chose to rain down my wrath upon the Eden that I had built. Thunder crashed as lightning lit the sky. Waves, crashing against the outer walls, threatened to crush the very stones they were built of but, no, that was not to be. I had other plans for this great city. I would bury my Eden beneath the waters of the sea. They would be lost to humanity forever, nothing but a legend lost in history.

Atlantean and Roman alike screamed as the water washed over the high outer walls, filling first the streets and then the buildings with salty sea water. As the water rose, the people climbed ever higher in their homes until, perched on the rooftops, they were washed into the swirling waters around them. I watched from my palace, high on a hill in the middle of the city. As the city disappeared beneath the waves I rose into the sky on silvered wings, floating above the chaos below. Finally, as the entire city sunk to the bottom of the sea, I let out a sigh of relief and grief. I had lost my beloved people, my beloved Eden. But I would no longer be plagued by the knowledge of their corruption and greed. No longer would my people be the bane to humanity. No longer would I suffer the regret of allowing unworthy guests into my world to take and vulgarize it.

As I look back on those days of two thousand years ago I realize that Atlantis was not the bane to the world that I believed it to be. Rome was just a stepping stone for the evil that would envelope this world. Humankind is bent on destroying itself. Greed, corruption, gluttony and vanity rule this world without intervention from anyone. Humanity, itself, is the great evil in this world. As mankind learns more and more, advances further technologically and ventures farther into the depths of the sea and out into space, it becomes more and more greedy and corrupted. This race called homo-sapiens is the scourge of the Earth, regulated to care for what I created by a god that man created to control the masses. It is I, and only I, that can contain the parasitic infestation that plagues the world but I refuse. I have tired of the endless war on tyranny and destruction of a perfect world.

I have loved my Eden and loved my people then destroyed them because of lies and betrayal. I still grieve because of what I had to do to protect the rest of the world and mankind just to be proven wrong about the ones I tried to keep from destruction. The primordial ooze that I brought mankind out of should have stayed just that, ooze to be used as fodder for nature to feast upon. It is fast coming to the end of an age when man will learn that the evil ways they have embraced will be their undoing. I will, once again, build my Eden. I will raise Atlantis from the sea and rebuild that magnificent city to its former glory. I will rule from a golden throne with a kindness and fairness that mankind has never known.

Homo sapiens will no longer exist because of the pride and corruption that is so inherent in their minds and hearts. The beasts of the forest will become the new stewards of this wonderful planet. Survival of the fittest will be the norm of life, not the exception. This world will be an Eden once again without the plague of humanity to destroy it. Humanity will destroy itself without any interference from nature. The Earth will repair itself of the destruction that man has done to it and perfection will return. A thousand million years from now, when Eden has finally become more than what is was, then, and only then, I may allow mankind to return. I will allow man to only evolve into Neanderthal and no more. Once mankind has achieved intellect and technology it will return to the corrupted state it has become today. This I cannot allow. Atlantis, my Eden, will reign supreme in a land beyond perfection. The gates will remain open to all the beasts of land, sea and air. Harmony will once again be restored.

Is Madness the True Reality?

I sit, my mind racing, not knowing where I am or what I am doing. I hear people walking around, even next to my bed yet, when I look, no one is there. Thoughts overrunning each other are keeping me from sanity. I know not what to write to help me gain control once again. Even my knowledge of how to use words has left me stranded on a barren plain of nothingness. I am lost.

Each day it seems as though I recede further from the human race. I care not to see anyone nor do anything that would include another soul. Even my children are distant and unfocused to my eyes. I force myself to converse with those that deign to enter into my world but only as much as is necessary and nothing more. I fear becoming the antagonist with even the most innocent of visitors. I have excluded those closest to me from as much as I can as I care not to be close to anyone at the present time.

There are those times that I cannot recall what has occurred as if time has spiraled forward without my knowledge or awareness. An hour may pass with it seeming to be minutes without me able to recount the events that had just unfolded. Did I write? There is nothing on the page. Did I read? The book is not even open. Did I talk? No one is there. Did I even move? I still sit where I was. Am I mad?

Many nights have passed that I rested not as if sleep had eluded me yet I awoke from a sound slumber. Dreams are forgotten as wakefulness overtakes that world of imagination and metaphor. Did I dream at all? Flashes of events that could not have occurred enter my consciousness as if taunting me with some false reality. People I do not recognize speak as if they are long-time friends. Friends are now enemies because of some wrong I do not recall. Family is gone, replaced by automatons waiting to end my sorrowful life, controlled by an unseen, unloving god bent on destruction.

As I sit, looking over the page, I catch glimpses of specters mocking my very existence. I hear the laughter of some maniacal entity just beyond the edge of reality. I am mad, I must be, to see and hear the things I do. Phantoms in the night are my bane yet I fear not these immaterial beings sent to haunt me. I fear nothing but being alone and alone I am, save for these demons and angels of torment. Has my life been so wicked that I deserve the torment they bring? Or were my trespasses from an earlier life forgotten in the mists of time and space?

I have been alive forever, since the dawn of time, and have made many mistakes. Through the many lives I have endured I have been both monster and savior, lover and enemy. Could the evil in my past be what is causing my insanity in this time and this place? Is it possible the past evils are being revisited instead of having been put to death long ago? Oh, the horror I am capable of. I have warned those closest to me that it would be possible for that evil to emerge and rear its ugly head. I feared that it would and I may only assume that it has, that the evil has escaped its prison deep in the bowels of my mind and ventured forth to wreak havoc upon my life. As Dr. Jekyll had Mr. Hyde I have my own Hyde, waiting in the shadows to come forth to pursue his own desires with abandonment.

Am I mad? Is reality only a dream and my dreams the true reality?