Tell Them You Love Them

There are those times that a person becomes aware of conflicting emotions and thoughts coursing their way through the channels of their mind. Transmitters and receptors becoming overloaded with the jolts of electrical charges jumping around like lightning strikes from a stormy sky. It is at these times that a person needs to get it all out or go totally mad. The Mad Hatter of Alice in Wonderland would seem sane compared to what goes through some people’s minds, and I mean the Johnny Depp characterization of that famous mad man.

            When you keep things hidden from the world for fear of being ridiculed is one thing but, to keep things hidden from those that need to hear what you have to say is something totally different indeed. When you love someone, truly love them, let them know. I have been accused of telling my children this far too many times. “Dad, puuuullllleeeeeeaaaasssseee! You’ve told me that enough.” I’ve heard it over and over. Yet, I tell them all the time I love them. Usually after I get done chewing their arses for some wrong they have committed. I want them to know, not just hear but to actually know, and understand, that I truly love them more than life itself. I try to show them in everything I do but, that isn’t all there is to it. Most kids today take what you do for them for granted, expecting it.

            But that is not what I am talking about. What I mean by “if you love someone let them know” is those that are not your blood. Your friends, your true friends, are ones that you love. Let them know. It isn’t wrong to tell someone that you think of as a true friend, someone that you will always be there for no matter what, that you love them. You do love them in a way that only friends can love each other. It means that you care enough that they can call on you when they need you, not just when it’s convenient for you. If this is not the case and you wouldn’t be there in the middle of the night when they need to talk, don’t tell them you love them. You don’t. You like them. There is a difference.

            I am also talking about those special people that are like family to you. Maybe you don’t know anyone like that, I don’t know, nor do I care. I know that there are several of those people in my life. I have taken in kids to help them out and they have become ‘like family’ to me. Some took advantage of that and are no longer on the list of ‘family members.’ Others have taken that and run with it, become not ‘like family’ but actual family. These people are loved as one of the family, that special love that doesn’t go away. For those that have moved on with their lives, if they were to show up at the door they would be welcomed home. For those that took advantage, they would be allowed to enter but only as acquaintances that should leave as soon as they are done with their business.

            Then there are those that you love in a special way like no other. They mean the world to you whether they know it or not. They are missed if they don’t call or come by for more than a day. You listen intently to what they say, watch every move they make and when they leave, there is that empty spot in your day. Those are the ones that need to be told that you love them. It can be the hardest thing to do because, at times, you are afraid they won’t understand, they won’t return or, they don’t want that feeling toward them. These are the hardest ones to say, “I love you,” to. It is this person, this one person that I speak of when I say that you need to tell them that you love them.

            Don’t get me wrong, there could be more than one of this type of person to you. There is only one person in your life, maybe you haven’t even met them yet, that is your one true soul mate. Only one. Before you meet this one there may be many that you care about as much as I am talking about. I have been married three times and thought each was “the one.” I found out they were not. I cared then and I still do to some extent but I don’t ‘love’ them. I don’t think I ever did. It was convenient at the time and it worked for a while. Unless it is your soul mate, that one person made for you and you for them, it will be a hard row to hoe. Every relationship is work, no matter with whom it is; family member, friend, lover. But when it is that one person that completes you, the work is easy and fun. It’s a natural fit and things go smoothly almost all the time. Not to say there won’t be disagreements but, those disagreements will not turn into arguments, only discussions.

            The amazing thing about this is your soul mate, that one person made especially for you, may not be who you think it is. It may not be that Halle Berry girl or Robert Redford guy ( you can insert whomever you want there, my dream is Halle Berry and, as I was growing up, most girls wanted Robert Redford). It may be that ugly girl you ignored in high school or a Carrot Top type guy, and, with doing research over the years (please don’t ask where, at this point I can’t remember every resource I found) it has been said that your soul mate, that one person made for you, could be of the same sex. I am not saying that you, or they, are gay. I am saying that you and that one person that completes you may, or may not depending on the two of you, have to be in a platonic relationship. Nothing wrong with that.

            Now, if, and only if, that special someone is of the same sex, what do you do? Do you tell them how you feel? Do they know what you do? Are they just as unsure about the relationship as you or do they dismiss it as foolhardy? Only you and they know the answer to those questions. If it is a same-sex match up and neither one of you are gay, it is probably that neither one of you wants to admit how you feel about the other. After all, as much as Hollywood would like to make being gay a vogue thing, it isn’t in rural America. Being gay is still looked down upon by most people outside the far liberal left’s ranks.

            It has to be said here that you don’t have to be doing the dirty to love someone as a soul mate. Getting naked and rubbing uglies is not a necessity to having a loving relationship for life. It makes it more fun, of course, but not necessary. If, by chance, you are in this situation, let that someone know that you love them. Let them know that they are your everything. Let them know that no one else need know how you feel about each other. It isn’t a hard thing to keep secret a relationship built on trust and love. It doesn’t mean you have to spend every minute together holding hands and swapping spit. True love is a knowing between two people that nothing will come between them, nothing will break them apart. If sex does happen, it will be consensual and natural, without embarrassment or guilt.

            This goes for both ways of looking at this. Whether boy/girl, girl/girl or boy/boy it is a knowing. If there is jealousy and mistrust, that person is NOT your soul mate and the relationship will be a hard one to keep together. Sooner or later it will fall to the wayside, forgotten within days and you will move on to the next Mr/Miss Right.

            So, the ‘what-if’ scenario is this: you care so deeply about someone but don’t know if they feel the same about you. Whether opposite, or same, sex it’s the same answer: Let them know. Uh-oh! Time for the Tums and Alka-Seltzer to settle that rumbly-tumbly. Sweat pours from your forehead, palms are slick as ice covered highways and your knees are knocking so loudly you know they hear you coming in the next county. “You want me to do what? With who? No way! I will not put my emotions out like that to be dashed to the ground and trod upon. You tell them, I won’t.” Well I’m here to tell you that if you don’t, you may be making one of the biggest mistakes of your life. They will never know how you feel about them and, they being just like you, will never tell you how they feel, either. Lose/lose scenario. Wouldn’t it be better to take that chance and be in a win/win?

            Every one of the people that I love knows how I feel. Sometimes it was the hardest thing I ever did, other times it was easy. With some it came naturally while others it was like pulling teeth out of a rabid alligator. But, they all know. The two hardest were the ones I call my Mexicans. Twins they are and I have known them a long time. They are friends of my daughter and her friends. I can’t remember exactly how I met both of them but they have been around a long time as I said. The one was dating my neighbor’s daughter when I met him (that is a whole ‘nother story there!). The other one, I really can’t recall when he first showed up but, it is because of that one that I own both. My Mexicans are signed, sealed and delivered upon request because they know that they belong to me. Figuratively speaking that is.

            The point I am trying to make here is that ‘mi hijo’ (there is only one of them that has openly said he would like to call me dad) knows that I love him. I love both of them but, Mi Hijo is here all the time and shares his life with me on a regular basis. The other is living his own life filled with work and his son which is how it should be. I see him occasionally and he knows I miss him and that I love him. The one that is the topic here is the one I call “Mi Hijo.”

            For anyone that knows me, and them, you know who I am speaking of. For those that don’t, well, too bad. It’s probably for the best that you don’t understand everything anyway. For those that know us, well, keep your mouth in check or suffer the consequences. I am the dominant one here.

            Hijo is a person who is filled with intelligence, wisdom, kindness and grace. He goes out of his way to help those that are in need without thought of repayment. He is older than his years in many ways. Over the years of knowing him I have watched him grow from an immature, insecure boy into a man that shows the world who he is. His ego is outmatched by none (except his brother) and it is a well-deserved ego. He is handsome and charming and brutally honest. His insecurities are hidden from all but a very select few and his short-comings are over-shadowed by his strengths. There are few that know him well enough to be able to say, “I know who he is.” He would like to think that there is no one that knows him that well. I like to believe that I do. I know him very well.

            I have seen this man every way he can be: sober, stoned, drunk, delirious, happy, sad, mad, hurt and ecstatic. I have seen his character and saw that it was good. I have seen him do things that were so not within the confines of his character as to surprise me. There are things I know about him that he does not know about himself. And for all that he is, all that he can be, all that he can do and all that he has been and done, I love him. He is my son as much and as thoroughly as my own, biological son.

            Now I get to the part that I have been trying to convey. Hijo is my son, I love him, he loves me and that is the way it is. I will go out of my way to make sure he is fed and watered (he hates it when I make him sound like a pet but it’s the best way to describe it), no matter the hour. I try hard to make sure there is nothing that he lacks for necessities. I take care of him as I would my biological children, maybe even more so because he is out and working and not here all the time. A friend of ours once said, laughingly, “You’re his wife!” Thinking about it, the things I do for him, the way we are together, it could honestly be that. After hearing her say this about us, he sent a text message to me that read: I am the dominant Mexican.

            So, is mi Hijo the ‘one’ in my life? I really don’t know,. I love him as a son. He loves me as a father. We discuss, not argue. Trust, of course, is not an issue. Respect is always there. There is nothing to be jealous of. He is young and, as young people are, a whore. He regales me with tales of his conquests, he will tell me of his heartbreaks just as any son would do with his father. So, is he the platonic soul mate of my life? I can’t see life without him there. I miss him when he is gone. I worry when he doesn’t call or come by for a day or two. No jealousy, just concern. He could be or, he might not be. We have a father/son relationship at this time and I hope that it continues until I pass from this life to the next. As I said, I cannot see life without him.

            Does he know EXACTLY how I feel? I doubt it. He knows that he is an important part of my life but to what extent I don’t know. He will joke about how I want his body. (Then again, he jokes about everyone wanting his body.) If he spends the night and ends up sleeping with me (a wrong thing to do as I cuddle), he complains about me hogging the bed. We have a natural, loving relationship that stands on trust, respect and loyalty that is beyond any other relationship I have had with anyone not of my blood family. Does he know this? I should hope he would. Does this mean he is the ‘one?’ No, but he could be. Then again, that doesn’t mean he is. I love, respect and trust him more than anyone else but that does not mean he is my soul mate.

            His ‘life-mate’ is a ginger that has been his friend since childhood. Carrot is someone that Hijo cares very much about and misses when he is gone. This, alone, would tell me that my son is only my son, nothing more; which is fine and good. Is Carrot his soul mate? Only he knows that. The closeness between the two would suggest that but, that does not make it so any more than the closeness between the two of us makes us soul mates. Time will tell where each of us ends up. The journey is the important thing, not the destination. I would like him to make the rest of my journey with me as he has for the past several years. He is part of my life and that part I would hate to lose.