Need

     Need. Just a simple four letter word. A word that we use on a daily basis and, in my opinion, most people do not really know the meaning of. My children are constantly telling me that they ‘need’ this or that. Do they really ‘need’ or is it just a want?

     The definition of the noun ‘need’ is this:

1.      A requirement, necessary duty, or obligation.

2.      A lack of something wanted or deemed necessary.

3.      Urgent want, as of something requisite.

4.      A situation or time of difficulty; exigency.

     Let’s look at each of these definitions individually, the first being a requirement, necessary duty or obligation. What exactly does that mean? An example would be something like: You really need to get that done. This would indicate that whatever is indicated has to be finished, there is no other option. A worker, a student, a teacher or a boss would have the ‘need’ to either get done what has been put upon them or to let the people below them know what has to be done.

     The second definition; a lack of something wanted or deemed necessary. What, exactly, does this mean? I need new jeans would be an example of this. The old jeans are worn out so they need replaced.

     Definition three is: an urgent want, as of something requisite. To fully understand this you would have to understand what ‘requisite’ means. Requisite is ‘required or necessary for a particular purpose.’ So, if there is an urgent want of something that is required or necessary then a good example of this definition would probably go something like: You need flour before you can make cookies. After all, what would cookies be like without any flour in them? That would be a requisite and a need.

     The last definition is: a situation or time of difficulty, exigency. Once again we go back to the dictionary to define a word within a definition. Exigency in this case is defined as a case or situation that demands prompt action or remedy. What would an example of this be? Maybe something such as: a friend is in need so I am a friend indeed. Maybe there is a person that is under attack, being robbed or mugged, that person would be in need of help.

     What am I doing here? I am proposing that the word ‘need’ is used when a person feels that he/she is urgently wanting something that is required to fulfill, or finish up, a situation because they lack what is necessary to do so. That would be a material need. What if we go into the mental, the emotional, definitions of ‘need?’ That would be something a little more difficult to explain.

     An emotional need is something quite different than a material need. Material needs can be taken care of quite easily for the most part whereas emotional needs are a personal thing that requires assistance from another. The problem with this is that it all depends on that other person, or persons, who may not want to give what is needed. This is a constant thing the world over, one person needing attention, love and physical contact, someone to listen to them or the opposite of each of these. Either way it can be a difficult situation to be in.

     Here are some examples of emotional needs:

     John is a sixteen year old boy that has no siblings and parents that are busy working and cannot spend much time with him. He is intrinsically a social person so he spends time with the few friends that he has. His emotional need is that he has to have people around him to interact with. Without those people his emotional state would deteriorate and possibly turn into a depression. He needs attention from someone that cares about him. His parents are not forthcoming with that attention so he seeks it elsewhere.

     Jeremy is looking for someone to love him. His parents love him but are not there to give him that love. He seeks this need outside his home. While his need is real as a lack of something wanted or deemed necessary, that does not mean that there is someone that is willing to give him what he needs. He may resort to latching onto whoever is there whether they are good for him or not.

     Suzanna, a twenty three year old production worker, falls under definition three in that she has the urgent want to nurture and love. Once again, what if there is no one that is willing to fulfill her need? Production workers are not children and most have spouses to take care of them. For Suzanna to fulfill her need she may go to the clubs to find someone, anyone, that she can care for. A dangerous life-style. Not everyone wants to be ‘mothered.’

     These three examples all fall into the fourth definition of need if they are not fulfilled. This would bring on that situation of difficulty and a case that demands prompt action or remedy. Without someone to fulfill their needs they will look to other ways to fulfill them and this could turn to immoral, illogical or even criminal activity.

     As you see, material needs are easily fulfilled but emotional needs are not. It is the emotional needs of people that can make or break a society. Even one person that cannot have their emotional needs met can cause chaos in a society. Jeffery Dahmer, Gary Bundy, the Unabomer, Jack the Ripper, Adolf Hitler and a host of others were examples of people that created chaos because their emotional needs had not been met.

     How does a person fulfill an emotional need when there is no one there that is willing or able to give him/her what he/she needs? The need to be held by a loved one, the need to love someone, the need to be needed and the need for physical release of emotions that cannot be held in are all dependent on an outside entity concurring, agreeing to or allowing the person to involve them. Most people don’t care what another needs; they are too involved in their own needs. When humanity decides it’s time to start thinking of others before themselves is when the emotional needs of everyone will be fulfilled as easily as the material needs.

     Food, shelter and clothing are the first three basic needs of survival. A human being cannot, under any circumstances, survive without food and water. After that is taken care of the next need is shelter to protect that person from the elements. As long as a person can nourish the body and protect him/herself from the elements they will survive but if they want to venture out in the open, to gather the first need, they will need clothing to protect themselves. The first three needs of survival were taught to me as a young boy in grammar school. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I even knew there were more needs to survival.

     The fourth basic need for survival is love and belonging. A human being needs to know that they are loved and belong. Babies that are not held and loved other than to be fed will die. Every human needs to be loved and to know that they are loved. This brings on the scenarios of the preceding examples. The need to be loved and belong depends on another person and is hardest need to fulfill and has been the topic of this essay. How do we fulfill the fourth basic need of survival if there is no one that is willing or able to assist us?