Empty the Box

     There comes a time when every man needs to unlock and open up that hidden box that is kept inside his brain where all the anger, sadness, pain and weaknesses are kept locked away. That place where everyone else’s problems brought to him are kept, hidden away. The box where everything we don’t want known is kept secret from the world. Our box of ‘nothing.’

     That box of ‘nothing’ is only so big and will hold only so much and soon becomes full of the bull shit of life. The hinges creak and the lid bulges from the pressure of all that is kept inside. The slot where everything goes in soon is blocked by the sheer number of things inside to where we can put no more in. That is when that box needs to be unlocked, opened up and emptied out. For any man this is painful. Extremely painful, because it shows that we do have weaknesses and emotions and a heart; it shows that we are actually human. It shows that we have feelings, feelings of an almost human nature and this will not do.

     What is hidden away in that box depends on the man. What kind of man he is, who he is, where he is and how many people come to him with their problems and needs and wants from him. He must be strong for everyone so that box gets full fairly quickly for some. If it is not emptied on a regular basis the man becomes angry, resentful to some, violent in some cases. Some turn to drugs or alcohol to compensate for the pain it causes. Others, well, they let it out by becoming depressed, reclusive or manic. However it comes out, it does come out. It is better to open that box willfully and not become a mental patient.

     You can fight the battles of gods and men, be a god or a knave, live or die in your own mind while under the influence of alcohol or drugs and attack those around you believing them to be your enemy or embrace them as allies as your altered state of consciousness perceives them. But, those battles are just a metaphor for the battles in your head between good and evil, right and wrong or what should or shouldn’t be done. It is the battle between what is in that little box trying to get out and the rest of your head trying to keep it in. This is not just a small skirmish if that box has not been allowed to be emptied for a while. It is a battle of epic proportions; the Trojans against the Greeks, Rome against the Celts, Heaven against Hell. At this point you are not responsible for your actions and it isn’t because you are drunk or stoned. It’s because your mind is in its’ own little world trying to make sense of something it can no longer make sense of. The box needs emptied and empty it will be no matter what.

     What you need to do is empty that box on a regular basis. Be yourself. As the old cliché states: be true to yourself. In other words: let it out, be who you are without all the ego, without being macho and “male” thinking that you can handle it all stoically and without showing that there are weaknesses in you. You have weakness, everyone does. You have feelings, everyone does. Emotion is part of every human being. Being strong for everyone is all right as long as you can be weak every now and then to clean out the bull shit that has piled up. Everyone has someone they can be themselves with. Be honest to that person without the façade that you hide behind on a daily basis.

     What needs to happen is for all the pain and anger, frustration and confusion, even the sadness to come out any way it can. But, it MUST come out. Be angry, hit things. Be sad, cry real tears. Be confused, be frustrated, lash out at that person that is there to help you. You need it even if you think you don’t. That one person that is there to help is the one person that you can trust the most to keep your secrets. You could have one person like that, or two or maybe more, but there is only one that will keep your secrets for life, one person that believes in you wholeheartedly and without question. It may be a parent, or a significant other or best friend and that one person will be there at any time for any reason without question. There is nothing that you could do to tip the scales against you and have him/her use something against you. That is the person that you can be totally yourself with, without pretense, without guards and without reservations.

     That person loves you for who you really are, not who you want the world to see. That person is the one that wants to help you, wants to protect you and wants to keep you sane. That is the one that knows the most about you, maybe even more than you know about yourself. He/she knows things that they won’t speak about, even to you, because the very nature of it isn’t a normal pattern for you. He/she will keep those secrets for life from everyone. You instinctively know who that is whether you want to admit it or not. You may even try to tell yourself that it isn’t so, it’s someone else. Just as you tell yourself that you are too strong and independent to need anyone for anything. Everyone needs help now and again. Opening that little box is when you need help. You need someone there to let it all out on, to lash out at, to blame, punish, accuse.

     It doesn’t mean you are weak to do this. It is a sign of strength. Even the gods have times when they need to be vulnerable for a short time to regain the strength it takes to be as strong as they are. Being strong, stoic and a source of inspiration takes its’ toll on a person’s emotional health and that has to be replenished. Rest and recuperation is necessary for a person to continue to hold their ground. It is not weakness in you; it is you showing that your strength is enough to overcome your vulnerability. Be vulnerable for a short time so that you can be the pillar, the guardian, the warrior once again. Be vulnerable in secret with your guardian who is there to protect you at that time. The most important thing is to be honest, open and hold nothing back. The box has to be emptied totally so that you can refill it once again. Tears, laughter, anger all will come at this time. Your guardian will take it all and love you still because it is who and what he/she does. He/she will take the punches while you lash out and then hold you while you shed the tears of the many that have shed them to you. He/she will not waiver in their duty to you. Then, when you are spent, lying on the ground exhausted with the effort of releasing it all, they will be there to watch over you until you are the strong guardian that you show the world, never speaking of the events that have occurred. And they will still love you as they always have and always will; as a friend, a lover, a child or a sibling.

     You are a man, a warrior once again, the guardian of the weak and those in need. You are strong and stoic. The façade is back in place and the world continues to revolve, never knowing that the warrior was, for a short time, the one that was in need. Ego and reputation are retained and life is normal until the box is filled, straining to be emptied once again.